Freaking out, my DOC wants to bail 30 days before wedding! Am I asking too much?

posted 3 years ago in Logistics
Post # 2
6167 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

You’re not going to have any waitstaff? You need servers for the food, people to help clean, keep the place tidy. I agree with your DOC that your demands are excessive and i would also quit. Good thing is that you have 30 days to hire the much needed staff. 

Post # 3
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
veganjenni :  quickly looking at the duties, yeah, too much. Here I was thinking serving my family dinner was hard. Even having an assistant for 2 hours, I’m not sure if physically and logiscally it’s possible to do all that.

Post # 4
2079 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Wait, so no servers were hired ?…because that’s what needed to happen.  This is the job of waitstaff, so if she made you pay for that then ask her to simply hire the servers.  Problem solved.  

Post # 5
9388 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

ok so while she’s right… most of your food-related stuff are not DOC duties.. she should have just said so upfront.  My DOC would not have done any of those things, but she would’ve told me immediately and suggested a few vendors she’d recommend to hire to do that task.

I’d just forward her the emails where she said she’d do it and write something short and simple basically saying “while I’d be very dissapointed if you went back on your word, I think its clear you’d be in breech of contract to do so.  I cannot stop you from breaking the contract, but would expect my full deposit back so I can find someone who will provide the services I need.”  Then take that money and hire some much needed waitstaff.  

But, if you still want someone else to be running point with all the over vendors, handling setup and cleanup, keeping you on schedule, etc… then you probably should keep your DOC and not ask her to do non-DOC stuff.  Maybe ask her to cancel the assistant since you’re hiring waitstaff anyway, and go from there..

Post # 7
601 posts
Busy bee

It does sound like a lot but she agreed to do it. Unless you’ve added a lot of things on at the last minute, she is out of line quitting on a bride a month before her wedding.

Forward her the e-mail and ask her what is different now from when she said she originally agreed. Try to come to a resolution with her (hire more staff or get your deposit back fully). If she won’t work with you to fix the problem, tell her you’ll have no choice but to leave her negative reviews. It’s unacceptable to back out on your job in this way.

It’s not your responsiblity to know what the standard DOC responsibilities are. This woman agreed to do these things, even if they are not what another DOC would typically do.

Post # 10
4958 posts
Honey bee

Also your original post said hors d’oeuvres and now you are saying family style…meal?  Or just family style hors d’oeuvres?  Because assuming 8 guests to a table, you’re asking her to oversee at least 5 tables?  And are they hot or cold?  Either way, I could see maybe agreeing to it if it was “here is the extra veggie tray – could you put it on the buffet” but not family style.  And there are food safety issues that she could be liable for as your vendor for taking that on.  My guess is it isn’t “beneath” her – she just isn’t qualified (particularly if she’s never waited tables before or taken a food safety class to ensure food is kept at the proper temperature) and you are asking her to do the work of at least four to five people including her own job.  The recommendation is 1 waitstaff per 20-30 guests for a cocktail reception and 1 waitstaff per 10-15 guests for family style.  So at a minimum that is two (and up to four) waitstaff you are asking her to be in addition to her actual job.

At this point, dig out the yellow pages and cold call every catering/bartending company, event planning company, and culinary school program in your area.  Last ditch effort is change your plan to buffet and hire from your caterer.  Having adequate and trained staff is far more important than family style vs. buffet.

Post # 13
1005 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I agree with her that these aren’t really jobs for a DOC and that you need wait staff… however, if she agreed to all of this then she should at least give you your deposit back imo because you wouldn’t have hired her if she had of told you she wouldn’t be able to do that and you could have sought out wait staff instead. 

Post # 14
837 posts
Busy bee

I hired a friend (not invited to the wedding). She and her husband did almost everything you have listed, as well as a few other tasks. She is very organized and reliable, so I knew I could trust her. I made a very detailed list and timeline for her. She came to the rehearsal and helped set up the day before. Like you I didn’t need a full on DOC.

For waiters, maybe look into hiring local Girl Guides, Scouts, or other not for profit. They appreciate the donation, and in the case of the kids, get valuable experience.

Post # 15
6167 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

That’s too much for 1 person. Definitively hire a team of wait staff ~ 4 people to oversee everything.

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