Freaking out, my DOC wants to bail 30 days before wedding! Am I asking too much?

posted 3 years ago in Logistics
Post # 46
Member
1757 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
lifeisbeeutiful :  oh, yeah, because the current atmosphere is rainbows and sunshine? LOL

the DOC cannot keep the money because she’s breaching the contract. She can either refund the money and wipe her hands of this client, do the job including the extras she agreed to in writing, or not do the job and get sued to return the money. This is how the buisness world works, DOC is at fault here and cannot keep the money. You provide the services you agree to or you don’t get paid!

Post # 47
Member
567 posts
Busy bee

Would you get your DJ or your officiant to be your personal wait staff? NO! So your DOC shouldn’t be either. Hire servers and waitstaff. 

Post # 48
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Neither of you is comfortable with what is expected and what is being offered. I wouldn’t trust her to correctly do all the things you want her to do, and if I were in her position with all your requests for $500, I would back out too. IN the interest in making sure you get the services you expect, let her go and request a refund, and hire the appropriate people (waitstaff) to do the task you have in mind.

Post # 49
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Let her go.  She doesn’t sound like she knows what she’s doing, and you need more than she can provide.  If you can get a refund based on breach of agreement, try to get it.  But the deposit on a $500 fee can’t have been a huge amount, and it may be worth losing to get yourself free to hire a capable DOC and some real waitstaff instead.  Be prepared to pay more than you would have paid this person, though I think it will be worth it.  Between agreeing to more than she can do, wildly undercharging and this bizarre latest contact, I think the wedding would be a disaster with her in charge.

Post # 50
Member
662 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

From what you said, it sounds like she agreed to generally oversee food – you said  ‘keep the beauty’? and generally oversee the stocking of drinks etc. I sincerely doubt you laid out everything you expected in your initial contact and I doubt she would have agreed to do all those things for $500.  She most likely expected to oversee kitchen and waitstaff perform these duties and generally ensure the event runs smoothly. Which explains why she freaked out at seeing the breakdown. 

Post # 51
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Food duties aside, surely some of the other tasks could be delegated? My dad was in charge of paying vendors on the day, the celebrant cued the string quartet to begin when she saw I had arrived, the best men directed people to toilets/parking/gifts as they arrived. Do you have any senior bridesmaids who can make sure the flower girls are ready? It just seems so so much for one person to do, even without being expected to run food all night!

Post # 52
Member
3106 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

View original reply
veganjenni :  you’re being obtuse. Every single person here is telling you this is simply too much for a DOC to do. Yes she was wrong in accepting the terms. Yes she owes you your deposit back. How much was the deposit? $50? Ok go ahead and argue over that if you need to but it doesn’t change the fact that she’s not doing the job.

 The real issue is finding 2-3 people to handle the food and service. Your expectations and right turn around time- things always take longer than expected- would make me quit too. If you can not afford to hire servers then you need to change to buffet style and hire someone who oversees the buffet and drinks. 

Post # 53
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I think you’re vastly underestimating how much time it would take for one person to handle your wedding. There may also be issues you don’t know about that are red flags for her.

Plenty of professionals will decline a lower-paying gig if the client becomes a headache. (Expecting a DOC to replace a full waitstaff while doing her actual job is a headache.)

There is plenty of invisible work a DOC needs to be able to do for a wedding to go off without a hitch. Your timeline doesn’t allow for her to handle any emergencies, deal with vendor/ guest issues etc. A rural venue is bound to come with surprises. 

 

 

 

Post # 54
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
yupmarried :  that depends on the contract. some deposits are converted into the first payment once work begins. If the DOC charges for wedding planning services at a particular hourly rate, OP might be out of the cash.  DOCs and wedding planners overlap, and given the miscommunication thus far, I’ll bet this is another place where there was a misunderstanding.

 

Post # 55
Member
7810 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
veganjenni :  The revised schedule doesn’t really make a difference–no one person could do all that you’ve listed on your timeline. $1,500 is reasonable for the amount of work you have described. 

If you switch to buffet and let your caterer handle the food service will they also handle drinks, clearing plates, etc.?

Post # 56
Member
601 posts
Busy bee

Yeah, even if she agrees to come back and do this I wouldn’t trust her to handle everything well at this point. It sounds like she took the job for not much money because she was fairly inexperienced and looking for work. It’s possible that since she contracted with you she’s worked more weddings and realizes what’s involved in it. It also sounds like maybe your original agreement was vague and she wasn’t expecting the amount of work that was on your itemized schedule. 

I would say delegate the DOC responsibilities to people you trust and hire servers. 

Post # 57
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2018

30 days out is still enough time to hire a waitstaff and proper DOC if you need so don’t freak out yet. I think it’s a good thing this happened because if you went through with this plan, it might have been a disaster waiting to happen. The amount of work and type of work is really just too much for a DOC and assistant to handle. 

However, if she agreed to do everything single thing listed prior, I think you should ask for your deposit back and move on. While even $1500 is still super reasonable, she doesn’t seem qualified to do what you truly need her to do. If budget is an issue, the better option is probably to hire a proper waitstaff and delegate DOC tasks to family or the bridal party. 

Post # 58
Member
6929 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
veganjenni :  At this point I’d let her go. Maybe she is rather new at this but that is way too much for one person to handle and certainly not for $500. Plus these aren’t really DOC duties. How much was your deposit? You can try to fight with her to recoup it but it might not be worth the headache if it’s only $50-100. Plus even if you have certain discussions in writing via text or email, what really matters is what the actual contract says. However if she’s new to all of this she might just give you back your deposit as a way to wash ger hands of everything. 

No matter what, you need waitstaff. If the cheaper way to do that is to change to a buffet dinner, do that. I wouldn’t trust her to handle all of this properly. She’s already overwhelmed so even if you scale her tasks back or pay her more, I don’t think she’s going to do as good of a job as you expect. 

Post # 59
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Looks like lessons learned here for both of you.

For you, that a DOC is a COORDINATOR. To make sure things go smoothly. She’s not a a DODE – day of “do everything-er”. To expect one person to do all that work is insane, to expect the COORDINATOR to do it is just not even a conversation. She’s supposed to coordinate the people doing that work, not do it herself.

And a big lesson for her to not overpromise and underdeliver, and to say NO when brides ask too much. She’s probably just cutting her losses right now, realizing that it is an insane amount of work, especially for that money, and frankly undoable. She’ll make a mess of the party and get a bad rep. With the $1500 she’ll probably bring extra staff and about break even, but at least keep her promise and gain experience.

Post # 60
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
veganjenni :  how much can the deposit be? I would let her keep it, poor woman certainly has put in the time to work for you.

I wouldn’t bother with a bad review. Frankly your timeline is crazy and I don’t blame her for thinking now “I can’t do this, at least not for $500.” I don’t think anyone will argur with that.

I would go with buffet style and be done with it. Hopefully they will include cleaning up, quickly, as your timeline needs.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors