Freaking out, my DOC wants to bail 30 days before wedding! Am I asking too much?

posted 3 years ago in Logistics
Post # 61
Member
1585 posts
Bumble bee

Sounds like there was a misunderstanding along the way. I agree that she owes you the deposit back, unless she spent money out of her pocket on your wedding already.

You are being very ambitious with that timeline. That’s a lot for one person to handle, assuming everything goes smoothly. The point of the DOC is to manage and coordinate…not necessarily be the hands on everything person.

Does anyone you know know any restaurant servers? Maybe they would be interested in making some money for a side gig. 

Post # 62
Member
2082 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

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veganjenni :  Do you even have a signed contract or any contract at all because this all sounds like verbal agreements.  Huge mistake if that’s not the case bee.  Do you have ANYTHING in writing from the DOC stating exactly what her duties are and what she charges for them?  This sounds like complete unprofessionalism on her part and naivete on yours. 

If you still want to hire her you and she need to sit down and get this ironed out in writing!  Then she can help you find the waitstaff you need at what you can afford.

This is exactly why contracts exist.

Post # 63
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

This sounds like a lot of miscommunication.

You say that she agreed to all of this stuff via email – but did she really agree to that schedule and task breakdown, or did she agree “to oversee food service and maintain a clean and pleasant atmosphere”? BIG difference.

As a Coordinator, her job is not to serve food, refill drinks, etc. Her job is to ensure that the right people are in the right places making these things happen, to ensure vendors are on time and in the right place, to help your wedding party queue and ensure they have their flowers, etc.

I’m sorry that you are so stressed out right now and that you are likely looking at a situation where you will either have to go over the budget you thought could work or cut back on what you’re able to offer at your reception, but wishing it away isn’t going to change that situation.

As others have said here, you need to hire waitstaff to take care of the food and drinks. You cannot do a full dinner without them. Even if you switch to a buffer, you will still need to hire at least one person to oversee the buffet and at least one busser.

I think the relationship with your DOC has soured too much to want to continue with her involvement. It is probably best for you both to acknowlege that you did not communicate adequately and need to go separate ways. Hopefully she will refund you your deposit, but she does not have to. You can either hire a new DOC or delegate tasks to wedding party and family. But I think you need to be realistic about your budget and understand that you’re not going to get a DOC and waitstaff for $500. That just is not a realistic budget. I’m sorry.

Post # 64
Member
2617 posts
Sugar bee

Eep this is a tough situation! it sounds like neither of you were totally clear on the standard requirements and payment for DOC’s (which is probably more understandable on your part than hers). Even though what you’re asking is unreasonable, she should have told you that straight away – not 30 days before the event. 

I would look into getting professional servers. Either way you’re going to have to pay more than $500, but you may as well pay someone that has experience with food and serving. You should find options just by googling ‘hire servers for party.’ 

Post # 65
Member
9151 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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veganjenni :  “My caterer refused to let me hire their staff for anything but buffet-style service, and I felt family-style would be much nicer” — You need to either take your caterer up on their buffet service or hire appropriate waitstaff for family style. 

DOC stands for Day-Of Coordinator. A coordinator coordinates. That means her job is to make sure everyone else does their job. Her job is not to DO everyone else’s job. You keep saying “she agreed to it!” but clearly what you thought she was agreeing to and what she thought she was agreeing to were very different, and you are the one whose expectations are not reasonable or realistic. She said “possibly cut the cake“, and you heard:

5:00pm            Coffee & cake prep

  • Clear dirty dishes from tables
  • Brew coffee
  • Place creamer & sugar pots out
  • Put spare mugs, saucers, spoons out

5:30pm            Cake

  • Bring cake to B&G table for cutting
  • Return cake to cake table
  • Plate & serve sheet cake

Do you see the disconnect? She did not agree to what you thought she was agreeing to. The good news is it sounds like your caterer can accommodate this. There’s nothing wrong with buffet, even with benches. People scoot out, get their food, set it down, then scoot back in. 

Post # 66
Member
601 posts
Busy bee

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Daisy_Mae :  She said “take care of the food, replenish the food,bring out dessert, possibly cut the cake, take care of coffee, beverages, maintain the beauty throughout the night, etc.”, assuming that’s an exact quote from an e-mail the OP has. To me that pretty much matches up with what’s listed, though I’m not sure who the OP thought would cut the cake before the DOC plated and served it.

Post # 68
Member
436 posts
Helper bee

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veganjenni :  You’re still not getting it. This is too much work for only one person. It wouldn’t have mattered if you had hired someone who was a task manager or dining room manager instead, it’s still too much work. What you need is a coordinator/manager PLUS multiple servers in order to carry out your plans.

Post # 69
Member
1585 posts
Bumble bee

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veganjenni :  I had to pay 50% up front for my planner in a major city, so I don’t think that is very out of the norm.

Post # 70
Member
7802 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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veganjenni :  50% deposit is standard for most vendors. And managers are people who manage other people, not people who do all of the work; you’d be having the same issues if you hired a task manager (aka DOC) or dining room manager. Dining room managers don’t plate food, serve it, and clear the dishes. They watch over the people who do. You need those people, aka servers. 

Are your caterers able to step in with a buffet option? 

Post # 71
Member
703 posts
Busy bee

I’ve been looking, haven’t hired anyone, but 50% down has been something I’ve heard multiple times.

You need more than one person to do what you want. 

Post # 72
Member
988 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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bostonbee2018 :  I certainly would not think

    <li style=”box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; max-height: 1e+06px; border: 0px; background: 0px 0px; list-style-position: inside; list-style-type: disc;”>Clear dirty dishes from tables (from her timeline)

Would be included from the quote.

 

View original reply
veganjenni :   your 50% is $250. Please.

 

Eta: it says”clear sorry dishes from tables (from her time line).  I wouldn’t think that’s included from her quite.

Post # 73
Member
601 posts
Busy bee

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cherryberrypie :  Maybe that’s “maintain the beauty throughout the night”? Haha, not even sure what that means. Weird and vague wording.

OP, 50% is standard for a lot of vendors. I would consider that lost money and figure out how you’re going to move forward. PPs have given a lot of good advice.

Post # 74
Member
6170 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

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cherryberrypie :  exactly. Do all that AND clear dishes from 40 guests???!! Hell no. Find the money in your budget SOMEWHERE, borrow it, but find more than $500 for the staff you desperately need.  

Post # 75
Member
988 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

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bostonbee2018 :  then her make up person will have to stay until the end.

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