Post # 62
OP, you sound very very naive. And even if this is fact:
I did point out however that the two Meghan ones were sent at night. He just kept saying I don’t remember or I don’t know why. Basically it was out of curiosity or I guess to get his rocks off. IDK?
“getting his rocks off” this way is ok with you? “I don’t remember” or “I don’t know why” are two of the worst excuses on the planet.
Tread carefully, with him. I think he’s trying to blindside you. And where does your fiance work if they can play the craigslist game at the office and pretty much spoil someone’s professional name if it gets to the higher ups?
Post # 63
sadly, I agree….I would tread carefully. The whole situation sounds fishy. Honestly, I would attempt to email this meghan person and see what’s up from HER, but that’s just me.
Post # 64
Men frequently join escort review sites with no intention of seeing an escort. So, that is a viable explanation, of a sort.
Post # 65
I’m sorry hon, but it sounds unresolved to me. It seems like he’s trying to avoid “getting in trouble” instead of coming clean. Going out and having a wonderful time doesn’t mean that everything is okay. I think he was relieved to just have you off the subject and happy with him again.
Do tread carefully. His answers don’t ring true for me. Remember you deserve honesty and respect. You deserve someone who will think of how his actions impact you and not just try to explain them away after the fact.
Post # 66
While I agree with the caution advice from PP’s… honestly… you have to decide whether or not you trust him on this, and it sounds like you have. Has he promised to stop playing that stupid game?
It might still give you peace of mind to get tested. You don’t necessarily have to tell him that.
To me, it sounds like what’s happened here is kind of like an infidelity – not that he cheated, or maybe not even that he tried to, but something occurred to shake your trust in him and your concept of who he is and your relationship. While a lot of people will automatically say “Walk!” in response to cheating, that’s not necessarily always the only or even the best option. Relationships can be repaired after breaches of trust. It requires a lot of open and honest communication, a lot of forgiveness, and the decision to trust again. Not necessarily close your eyes, but trust that he’s going to make choices that will not hurt you.
If not, you’re going to find yourself looking over his shoulder at emails in the future – and you don’t sound like that kind of person, or wanting to be that kind of person.
Post # 67
The way people behave and what people think are acceptable and what they don’t will always be different.
He stopped by on his way to work and I expressed my concerns over his telling me he doesn’t remember. It does come down to a few erotic emails with ppl. nothing more. Not chat, not video chat not meeting up with anyone and yes I am ok with that. I understand porn and the attraction to it. He has assured me that he has no desire to do it again because of how much I’m hurting. I told him that I don’t want to be the one to tell him what to do or not do in regards to porn. Again I DO understand the attraction and I do believe that it has never gone further than that and it never will.
As for where he works. It is not a place where he would get in trouble for it. Think mechanics and such.
We have been together for a very long time. We are in the over 35 category. Our history is long and not perfect. I say this just to say. I am not naive. I have been around and I know the way the world works. I do however trust him and believe him. I think this is nothing more than fantasy role playing.
Again some of you don’t understand why that is ok with me. It just is. Many moons ago I worked as a bartender in a topless bar. I got to hear both sides of the industry. The strippers side and the patrons side. It really does make sense to me.
I love him and trust him. Even if he did hire a prostitute. I would still love him and want to be his wife. Of coarse I would be devestated and we would have a lot to work through.
In sickness and health. For better or worse!
Thank you again. You all have really helped. Helped me find questions to ask. Helped me dig deeper. helped me feel better about myself. I feel as if I have been talking with very close friends.
Post # 68
I just wanted you to know that I’m not as skeptical as some. Yes the situtation was a little shady, but the fact that he spoke about it with you without putting up a fight meant he wasn’t trying to hide anything. I know a bunch of my guy friends are constantly pulling Craiglist jokes 🙂 Boys will be boys 🙂 I would have been more concerned if there were more than just 2 emails to the same women. That would be proof of repetativeness. At the end of the day, you know him, and you know how much he loves you.
I wish you the best 🙂
Post # 69
Thank you so much for the update!
I think the thing that is most “fishy” to me is that the emails you described did not seem like they were flirtatious or fun, “playing around” or anything like that. They were explicitly leading to something. Does that make sense? An exploratory “erotic email” as he described is NOT what I think of when I encounter an email that says “Are you busy right now?” To me, the type of email he sent implies that the email is not the end goal of the conversation, and the fact that it was sent at night (and twice!) is what I think is making the alarm bells go off in people’s heads. I just don’t see how the emails (as you describe them) could be viewed as entertaining or “erotic” in and of themselves. I totally get that you’ve been with this guy through thick and thin, and it’s absolutely your prerogative to be committed to making this work regardless. But you deserve the 100% truth and I have to concur with other bees that it doesn’t seem (from my perspective) like you’re getting the whole story.
Anyway, good luck with the situation, and thanks again so much for updating us!
Post # 70
I would also recommend looking into the TER website to fact-check what @cubicalmouse mentioned about having a membership that expires. If it turns out that what she said about needing to either have a paid membership or posting so many reviews that you get “premium status” is true, then you’ve already caught him in a lie. If it’s not true, then you know that it may be possible that he really did just sign up as a joke.
Post # 71
As far as the emails. The craigslist one is something they do for fun at work just to see how ppl respond. They also play jokes on each other and make ads of their co workers for men seeking men ect. I do remember him telling me this a while back. I also remember being at his work while one of his co workers was going off on another about doing this to him. All in fun tho. I did point out however that the two Meghan ones were sent at night. He just kept saying I don’t remember or I don’t know why. Basically it was out of curiosity or I guess to get his rocks off. IDK? He insists that he has never been with anyone else than me. That he has never met her or anyone else. That he has never wanted anyone other than me. He is so sorry and swears that he will never do it again, as a joke at work or otherwise. He can’t stand to see how much it has hurt me and has apologized over and over.
Im sorry but my BS detector is going off full-speed
Sounds full of crap
Post # 72
OP, I really really hope I’m wrong about this and you’re right, but…
I think it sounds like your SO just got away with cheating on you. Sorry to put it so bluntly. Like mckernae said, an e-mail that says “you available tonight?” Sounds like a hookup, not dirty chatting. Did he say all he did was chat? If those were the only 2 e-mails, then where did he chat? On Yahoo or AIM or something? Have you asked him if you could look at his IM logs? Do you remember the nights these things happened? Were you together those nights?
Also the thing about co-workers goofing around seems like a desperate man grabbing at straws. That doesn’t make sense really…if it was a joke I think it would be a lot dirtier/more interesting. “You still available?” Isn’t a very funny joke. And if it was a joke, he wouldn’t be apologizing over and over and swearing he won’t do it anymore. Sounds romantic to think that he is so upset because his “innocent goofing around” hurt you, but that’s not the way people really are. He sounds like a guilty man who got caught, got away with it, and feels guilty for doing the thing he was accused of and getting away with it. That’s what he’s really apologizing for. Listen to him! If he’s saying “I’m so sorry I hurt you and I’ll never do it again” HE knows what he’s apologizing for!
And I’m surprised no one has said this, but I doubt it’s hookers. It sounds like casual encounters, which is far scarier IMO. I think you should get yourself tested. I know you don’t think you’re being naive, but sometimes it’s hard to see the forest through the trees. You came to the hive asking for advice, unfortunately it seems like the consensus is that this isn’t right. I’m sorry hun 🙁
Post # 73
And what’s even weirder is that the OP mentions that her SO said that there was NO chatting, no anything beyond emails. I guess I can understand emailing “Are you free tonight” to ask if someone is free to chat (though, again, I’m skeptical), but the fact that he is claiming that there was *no* contact beyond these two emails is really, really illogical to me.
Post # 75
The thing that I think is…. talking about something online is only fun enough for so long. Just like dry humping is only fun for so long.
I think the OP should have gone into the escort review account, and looked at her FIs activity. He says he just joined for free? Go view his account (if you can). I bet he’s posted reviews of the escorts he has slept with (I’m on the side that says he probably has).
It all seems really fishy. Why would you be okay with your guys cheating on you emotionally online with another woman, if thats all you choose to believe has gone on?
Whether or not he slept with an escort, or whatever, to me – this shows he is not sexually satisfied in the relationship. Looking at porn is one thing. But, actually messaging this Meghan girl in the night time…. please, please, don’t try to act like it was innocent.
Post # 76
I just wanted to check in and see how you are doing?