(Closed) Freaking out…why are we having a wedding?

posted 5 years ago in 30 Something
Post # 2
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Got my dress last minute so I could lose weight. Starting alterations now for wedding eight weeks out 😉 

Post # 3
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I ordered mine mid May and had it in time for October 4th (just barely).

Post # 4
Member
11519 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

rainbowfly:  We had a lot of family not show up unfortunately (actually I had a lot of family not show up – DHs fmaily mostly came).

Do both your fmailies live in the same place?  If so – why not bring the wedding to them?

Post # 5
Member
520 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I actually just made a similar post regarding my shower :S

I would just elope. You can still use the photographer and some of th eservices you paid for….and I would definitly spend time working on yourself. Focus on eating healthy and excersise and improving yourself not on other people.

Post # 6
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee

I have followed all the wedding timelines I’ve seen and I STILL feel stressed and behind. I’ve been engaged for 6 months too and many times wish we had eloped…it would be easier. I’ve recently had drama with my sister so she won’t be coming (everyone has drama with her, though). 

My advice? This wedding has been and always will be about you and your fiancé. If you had always imagined a wedding and want to be married to him in a public celebration don’t let any setback stop you. If you feel like you would forever regret not having your family there to witness the day, explore your options for waiting and the pros/cons of each. If you want to elope….by all means! There’s nothing preventing you from having a reception or celebration dinner at a later date.

As for a dress you can either ask for a rush order (I wouldn’t wait much longer and explain your predicament/timeline to the salon before setting your appointment/seeing dresses) or buy the dress off the rack. There are discounts for doing this. Some designers (like Maggie Sottero) have priority dresses that come in more quickly. Don’t worry about weight loss and dress size. Your dress can be taken in and altered to match your new body, even with a 30 lb loss!

Post # 7
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2015

None of my family are coming and it is embarrassing but that’s how it is when they can’t afford the time and money it costs to travel to the wedding.  We are doing a destination wedding so we can change the numbers depending on whether people book the package accommodation/flights.

We did the same thing, told everyone and they were all we need 12 months to save up, so we gave friends and family 12 months.  Then came the time to book and pay and everyone was giving us grief and saying it is too far away and too expensive so we can’t come.  It was very upsetting for both my partner and I but I said in the end I don’t care if no one comes, as long as he turns up, I will be happy! 

I would contact the venue and ask them what your options are if your numbers have dramatically changed as it will affect them too – they won’t have to cook as much food or order as much alcohol, less tables, chairs etc.  Do you want to change the venue or just make it for a smaller crowd?  Will the venue still be a good choice if none of your family are coming?  What does your contract say with the Venue?  Do you just lose your deposit? 

Dress:  I found my dress in a day, by the way, so it is possible, but I did a lot of research beforehand.  I went in with a list, A-line skirt, sweetheart neckline, this kind of detailing, here’s 5 photos from my pinterest board to show you, I’m open to this, this and this, but this is not negotiable and here is my budget.  The lady was great, she had a clear picture of what I liked but I didn’t know how they would look on me, so I was just open to trying on about 8 dresses.  None of them were really it but they were close and then she said hang on, and went out the back and came back with the dress of my dreams, and it wasn’t on the rack as they were marking it down by 60%, so a bigger bonus as well.  You can get the dress fitted about 1 month beforehand.

I guess you have to decide what you want for the wedding?  That’s the most important thing for you and your Fiance to be happy with your choices.

Yes, I will be disappointed that my family can’t make it but I’m still going to make the most of the people who have chosen to come.  We have 12 so far with 3 more who might be coming, so I’m looking at venues that are more intimate and giving them a better meal.

Hope that helps.

 

Post # 9
Member
2425 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

rainbowfly:  You can purchase a sample dress from the store if you are sample size. Than you could take the dress home the same day. I don’t have a big family anyways so only my mom and brother are the only blood related family I will have at my wedding which is fine. I only wanted my nearest and dearest to be there on my wedding day. I never had a good relationship with my family so I’m fine with it.

Post # 10
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

So let me get this straight, even your parents arent coming? I would tell everyone that you are close to how you feel. but its up to them. You can say I am giving you a year to prepare to come to my wedding I expect you to be there.

Post # 11
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

rainbowfly:  I haven’t bought mine and getting married the end of July. 

Post # 13
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

rainbowfly:  We had a similar situation, except we planned it a year and a  half in advance. Our famililies are from the same state but we live across the country and were also dead set against getting married there. We asked them all if they could do a wedding in our area, keeping in mind flights & hotels & such and they all said a resounding yes, that was plenty of time to save up and they were excited to see our new home area finally. Cut to 4-6 months pre-wedding and turns out my family didn’t save and was planning to take out credit card and payday loans to make it out. We had already put a deposit on our venue, photog, caterer, florist, and my dress was ordered. 

We ended up cancelling it all and doing a very tiny Destination Wedding at a resort in Mexico with just 4 guests (our legally required witnesses). We lost a little of our deposits, but most of them were fully refundable if cancelled within 6 months and if someone else picked up the date. All in all, we were out I think $500-$1,000 but not too bad considering we were planning a budget of $12K. Our mexico ceremony ended up costing us $1,000 and the flights/hotel for a week and a half were about $2K so we were still way under budget. We did a celebration back in our families home state for them as well. not a reception, just a casual BBQ family reunion type thing. 

I read your update and it sounds like you and our Fiance are not on the same page about this. You need to really explain to him how you will feel the day of when none of your family is there. I had a hard time explaining to Darling Husband exactly how crushing that would be to me and it caused some fights & not seeing eye to eye. Once he realized how it was making me feel and how it would make me super sad the day of he agreed to a casual Destination Wedding and was super excited about it. He said that he thought only rich ppl could get married on the beach in Mexico and still talks about how awesome it was! 

 

Post # 14
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

rainbowfly:  Sorry for the delay in responce. I am very sorry to hear your parents arent making your wedding a priority. I know that one day they will regret not coming. But if they are doing this unfortunately theres nothing you can do. Just be excited that you have a wonderful fiance and his family who are excited that you will become part of theirs. Wish you luck in planning and look forward to the day you make your own official family with your love.

Post # 15
Member
533 posts
Busy bee

Congratulations!

Many places offer off the rack or sample dresses. Bridal consignment stores are also a good place to check. 

Talk to your Mom again. Maybe there is something going on she is reluctant to talk about. Maybe she is bad with money and didn’t budget properly for your wedding.

Reexamine your wedding plans, keep only what’s important to both of you. Honeymoon (or buy Mom a ticket) with the unspent money.

 

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