(Closed) freeloading- advice really needed!

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

She just doesn’t have the money & is probly in lots of debt. If she owes her money, she probly owes others money too. Idk what to say really… just that I wouldn’t offer her any money if you expected it back.

I’m not sure why she owes Maid/Matron of Honor money if they only met once? Is it a lot? I mean, is she willing to work out a payment plan to her? Even if its just $10/month or $50/month or something like that?

If she’s not paying her share in the hen party, can you cancel her room if no one can cover for her? I mean, this may really upset her. But being owed money by someone who won’t/can’t pay will create bad things if that money is expected back.

Post # 4
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Wow! I think you just need to talk to her, tell her how much it means to you that she is involved but unfortunately money is tight for everyone and if she can’t foot the bill she will have to sit the bachelorette out and maybe suggest a cheaper night out just for the two of you another time. It is totally not acceptable for her to put you or your Maid/Matron of Honor in this position, you are already doing more than enough for her. Good Luck!

Post # 5
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think you need to let Maid/Matron of Honor and bad Bridesmaid or Best Man sort out their own money issues. It’s not really your business, and I don’t think you need to make it your business.

That said, I guess I’m wondering why she’s a Bridesmaid or Best Man in the first place… did you ask her out of pity b/c of the bad things in her life? Do you two have a wonderful friendship we didn’t hear about above? If not, and you’re trying to better her life by having her in your wedding, I would suggest that you tell her that if she cannot pay for what she agreed to pay for as part of your festivities, you’ll have to cancel her room. I would also let her know what’s expected of her as a bm (behavior-wise, and maybe slightly address the friction with MOH) and see if she’s still up for it. One word of caution: Stick to the facts. She said she would pay, she hasn’t paid. You can’t prove that she DIDN’T have bank problems, or that she WASN’T in the hospital (you can access FB from inside a hospital…). The simple fact is, she was untruthful and hasn’t paid when she said she would. Give her a concrete deadline (three days, a week, whatever) and stick to your guns on it.

Post # 6
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Wow.  So Sorry.  So in terms of paying for all of her stuff, did you do that thinking she’d pay you back?  (Or just offer it as a gift to her?)  Can you take anything back?  MAybe if she doesn’t pay back Maid/Matron of Honor, you can try to recoup some of the money you’ve spent on her, and pay back your Maid/Matron of Honor that way.  (So then if she doesn’t have the money for shoes, jewelry, hotel, she can’t be in the wedding.)

It doesn’t look good for you Maid/Matron of Honor to get her money back.  Although I agree, you don’t know for sure that she wasn’t in the hospital.  Could have been on fb there.  You could have a heart to heart with her to try to get the whole story.  Maybe that will at least make you feel better.

If she can’t fork over the money for the hen party, I would see about canceling the room, and getting your money back, even if it’ just a portion.  (I would also consider telling her she can’t attend, if she can’t pay, even if you’re stuck with the room.  Maybe that’s mean, but if you get the feeling she’s freeloading, at least you can put a stop to her getting something for nothing, even if you still have to pay.)

As for the Maid/Matron of Honor, I’m thinking you do still need to intervene.  You certainly don’t need the stress, but your Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t even know this girl, who you chose to be in the Bridal Party, despite some real issues.  (I’m not saying you were wrong, just that I don’t see it as your MOH’s battle.)  I don’t know how much $ she owes.  Would Maid/Matron of Honor take her to court?  (Probably not).  I would say if your Bridesmaid or Best Man can’t pay Maid/Matron of Honor, I would suggest that you pay her to smooth things over.  (Unless you really feel Maid/Matron of Honor made some truly stupid moves dealing with Bridesmaid or Best Man.)

I know you feel bad because she’s having a hard time, and giving some tough love would add to that.  HOpefully it won’t come to that.  Maybe you can talk things out.  But I wouldn’t let her walk over you.

Post # 8
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think if she told you she was having banking problems and now is resorting to making up stories about being sick, she is FLAT BROKE.

I’m sure she would love to pay your Maid/Matron of Honor back but simply can’t because she doesn’t have the money. 

Suggest a payment plan.  Maybe you can ask for a 1/4 of the amount or half… try to get something because SOMETHING is better than NOTHING!   I think you just need to approach this in a sensitive manner and be understanding, even thought it will be hard.  Money is never a fun conversation to have but the longer this goes, the harder it will be.

Post # 9
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

you need to confront her about ALLLLL of those things. that you are providing, that she needs to get money to your Maid/Matron of Honor, etc.

she doesn’t sound reliable, no matter what her personal situation is, she should’ve never accepted being a Bridesmaid or Best Man if she couldn’t live up to the responsibilities.

i think she took the position lightheartedly and actually accepted selfishly, just because she needed somethign to be excited about.. UGH.

she should repay you too!

Post # 10
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Wow she shouldn’t lie about medical issues to get out of paying someone, that is so wrong. I agree with other bees about you having a talk with her telling her that you know she isn’t at the hospital and ask her what’s up. If she’s broke then she’s broke but she can arrange SOME sort of repayment schedule to your Maid/Matron of Honor or I wouldn’t allow her to go to your Hen party, find another friend that is willing to pay the cost and take her instead. Your Maid/Matron of Honor shouldn’t have to pay for another Bridesmaid or Best Man to do anything, it was gracious of her to even pay upfront for everyone. Whatever her situation is lying isn’t the way to go and she needs to stop lying to you and everyone else and just be honest.

Post # 11
202 posts
Helper bee

Tough situation.  I had a friend sort of like that and we are no longer friends.  She didn’t have major financial problems, but was a user and a chronic liar.  Not saying your friend hasn’t traveled a tough road in life, but it sounds like she’s using left and right with no intentions of repayment.  Unfortunately, at this point, it sounds like your Maid/Matron of Honor is out of luck.  I guess all you can do is maybe foot the bill and repay your Maid/Matron of Honor so you’re not stuck in the middle and the issue doesn’t have a negative impact on the hen party or the wedding.  Good luck with everything! Laughing

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