Post # 1
So I’m officially engaged 1 week (yay!) and while in engagement bliss I had a girls night with my old high school girlfriends. One in particular was always a "frenemy" even though in hs we were best friends (I graduated hs in 1997)..This "best friend" was always competitive and jealous, always trying to get one up on me, all the whole stepping 2 down. We didn’t talk for a few years, and a little over a year ago we started seeing each other occasionally (like once or twice a year, and keeping in touch on facebook or myspace).
So over wine and pizza last night, the girls were asking me about wedding ideas and possible dresses and "miss frenemy", who claims she never wants to be married, all of a sudden wouldn’t let me finish a sentence bc she decided to tell everyone what SHE wants for her wedding, and coincidentally, every idea I spoke about, she had too (yea, right! What a biter!) She even had the audacity to ask if she could try my ring on, and when I said no she says "Good call. I wouldn’t let anyone put mine on either". She went into a tailspin when she saw my ring and couldn’t stop staring at it. She made such a fool of herself, and seriously couldn’t just be genuinely happy for me and let me have my moment. My other friend said that "frenemy" is so flaky, she doesn’t even realize that there’s anything wrong with what she did, and to let it go.
"Frenemy" is not so close that she would be invited to my engagement party (which she will freakout over), but I was originally planning to invite her to my wedding. However after last night, I am so IRKED at her behavior that literally if I was to mail out invites tomorrow, I wouldn’t want her there. But the sentimental side of me feels bad.
What to do??? Help me girls! Do I even try talking to her about this? It’s not like I see her often anyway…
Post # 3
There are a few common themes on this board and one of them is "surround yourself with people who love you and care for you and want to be happy for your on your wedding day." If she is this big of a source of stress and unhappiness for you a week into your engagement (congrats btw!), I would say not to include her – as a quick yes/no answer. I’m sure you have awhile before your invites go out, so just hold off on rash decisions, however. You can’t go mentally cutting people from your guest list everytime they annoy you – my entire family wouldn’t be at mine if that’s the case! But just make a mental note, and when you spend time around her, reallly evaluate her. Is she going to make a scene on your wedding day? I’m thinking she’s not going to be in your bridal party, which is a good idea. But is she going to put up a fuss because of that? Just see if the reaction the other night was her trying to cover up her jealousy and by the time the wedding rolls around, maybe she’ll calm down? You don’t need to make those type of decisions right now, but just kind of evaluate the situation and see if she’ll cause you more stress (google "Cream Sauce" on this forum and you’ll read a whole bunch about high stress guests) or if she’ll be a happy addition to your wedding day. Good luck and happy planning!
Post # 4
I completely concur with jma19. I think a lot of people realize who their true friends are when a major life event like a wedding comes along. People show their true colors, and it sounds like "frenemy" is not worth spending time with if she acts like that.
I wouldn’t confront her though. Since you rarely see/hear from her, I would just let it go. Don’t talk about wedding plans with her, and wait and see if her behavior improves before you think about inviting her. Sounds like she’s not much of a friend to you anyhow.
Post # 5
Congratulations on your engagement!
I would think that the fact that you can’t even call her a ‘friend’ is enough reason to not worry about this so much. You don’t say if you’ve set a date, so you probably have quite a bit of time to worry about the guest list (and you will, believe me!) but it sounds like she is not worth spending too much time/energy on, especially at this point.
For now, if you don’t particularly care for her as a true friend, I wouldn’t go out of your way to change your relationship (trying to see her more, talking to her about her behavior, etc.). If, between now and the time you send out your invitations, she steps it up and you become close and you’re happy with that (no more freak outs like at your girls night), then yeah, go for it and invite her.
During this whole process, you are going to have MANY decisions to make where it will be difficult to balance your sentimental vs. practical sides, so don’t let this one get to you this early in the game 🙂
Post # 6
If you won’t let her try on your wedding ring, don’t invite her to anything. Good rule of thumb! 🙂 Have fun being engaged!
Post # 7
congrats! i agree with the other posters – no need to set your invite list in stone now, but no need to include her. if she’s liable to be obnoxious or a source of stress, better to leave her out – doesn’t sound like it’s a relationship you really want to nurture anyway.
Post # 8
Is it weird to let other people try on your engagement ring? I let people wear mine all the time! Fill me in…
Post # 9
I don’t think it’s weird. I let me single friends and even my married friends that want to try on a different ring try mine on. I don’t let them wear it all night or anything, but it’s just a ring. It’s not like I’m giving them my husband! LOL
Post # 10
I’ve also let others wear my ring – it comes in handy when I forget my necklace when rock climbing (I usually wear it on a necklace to keep it close). If I forget, then I pass it off to someone not climbing at the time – usually the person wears it (safer than a pocket or holding in a hand).
I probably wouldn’t let a stranger try it on, though.