Post # 1
Can any of you bees relate? One of my oldest and closest friends is actually an underminer, criticizing everything from my appearance to mundane everyday decisions. I don’t know if it has come out more now that I am engaged, or if I just have less patience for it lately.
It’s not like I can just cut off this friendship either. Besides being part of a close knit group of friends, I actually have a lot of fun with her and miss her friendship when we fight.
It’s also not like I can bring it up with her. I’ve tried over the years and it never goes well. I want her to be the supportive friend to me that I am to her, and I guess I can’t accept that that just isn’t going to happen.
Anyone else have/had this kind of friend? How do you deal with it?
Post # 3
I can relate! The sad part is that I have just learned to live with it because I know there is no changing her. However, I do spend less time with her now – sometimes I just can’t take the snide, underhanded, passive aggressive commentary! So, she realizes that I don’t spend as much time with her anymore, but it’s her own fault.
Post # 4
There is no room for "frenemies" in my life – and there shouldn’t be in yours either. I understand your dilemma that it’s a small and tight group of friends..but you don’t have to be so close to her. Some people are just so unhappy with their own lives that they have to lash out at others – and imho these people need to lose a few friends before they realise their wrong-doings. I hope it all works out!
Post # 5
I’ve had to deal with this to a degree. I think the difference is, is she a "Oh ha ha, that so and so. You know how she is, but what can ya do?" frenemey, or a "My stomach turns at the thought of you being around" frenemey?
I have friends whom I genuinely love and care for, that partially meet frenemy status. The difference is that there are many positive aspects to the relationship. Sometimes totally superficial aspects, like they are super funny and tell entertaining stories, but positive nonetheless. Then, yes, they may tend towards the passive aggressive, be a super flake, etc., but it’s one of those things I can roll my eyes at, and then move on.
Then, there are people who are friends in name only, who in reality see their female friends as nothing but competition, or have too many issues to be a real friend to anyone. For these ladies, I say, if there’s really no foundation there, why continue the relationship?
Post # 6
Thank you bees for the advice! Frenemies are such a tricky subject, because when they are fun, it’s the best, and when they pick you apart or unapologetically flake, it’s no good. It’s good to know others deal with this too.
I think I will just pull away from the one-on-one time with her for now.
Post # 7
I had one just like this who got fired by me 2 weeks ago. Demanding, spoiled rotten, and mememe! That was her.
She was going to be a bridesmaid in fact. But she isn’t now. NOOOO way. She was a stay at home mom, hubby makes over 150 a year, and she complained about having to buy plane tix to wedding (her hubs has many many airline miles and gets comp’d tix all the time) and was wondering if WE were going to pay for the hotel stay for her and their 2 kids.
Um…I’m as of now a single mom. I pay for all my own bills. I do not make nearly as much as her hubs. And they want that? it would be easy for them.
she also asked if I’d be buying..BUYING HER Bridesmaid or Best Man dress too.
Besides this we’d given them a going away party (they moved in dec.) for many friends and we hosted it. She invited mostly people we didn’t know (except for a few) and these people were HORRIBLY rude to us at the party we hosted at a restaurant, didn’t chip in to pay for the going away couple’s dinner, and never bothered to even introduce themselves to us..THE HOST AND HOSTESS. We sat in a corner and basically babysat their kids (my child was there but he doesn’t need that kind of constant attention..he’s a good kid). Then she goes on a girls’ trip, doesn’t invite me at all, and when she comes into town, asks me to help CLEAN AND MOP her old house that’s being sold on the market with her. Um…I also had the last bit of tonsillitis and was getting over that and working alot..?
Sometimes you can just LET a friendship die ya know?
I did it with this one. Pulled the plug. I have no time for a frenemy. Nope. It was funny. But after I literally couldn’t squeeze into my busy life going and driving all the way over to HER old house to CLEAN HER old house, and said no,s he suddenly stopped calling. END OF FRIENDSHIP.
I won’t call back. It’s a for sure breakup! And I’m happy. T’s happy too although we liked her hubs. SHE was the problem. (imagine an older but looks the same and bitchier Kate from Jon n Kate..that’s her evil twin!)
Post # 8
I’d do the "passive plug pull" which means kill the friendship by doing nothing. Be like George Costanza and do nothing or the guy from Office Space. Do nothing! No calls. No lunches. No time. You’re busy.
If this friend were truly a friend, she’d build you up and not question everything or dissect it.
Do whast I did. The passive plug pull works fine with me!