Fresh breakup

posted 7 months ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
3093 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I think you need to do some serious introspection and try to figure out why you want to make it work with this guy anyways?

Two years is not that long a time – at least half the relationship was in what should have been a “honeymoon” phase. Yet, over the course of those two years you argued constantly, and even broke up at only one year in. When you fight that much right off the bat, it’s a pretty solid indication that you are not well suited to one another.

I know it hurts and you feel like you’re back starting over again, but I think with time you will come to realise that starting over is a much better position to be in than stuck in a cycle of patching up a relationship that is full of holes. 

Conflict is present in all relationships, but in healty relationships it is a positive thing that promotes growth and creates opportunities for two individuals to practice patience, compromise and a team mentality. However, in relationships that are not healthy or between two individuals whose values and priorities are deeply misaligned, conflict creates frustration, anger and animosity. 

You should always strive to be in relationships in which conflict is productive. The relationship you described in your post wasn’t one.

Post # 18
Member
3758 posts
Honey bee

I’m glad you broke up. This guy sounds like bad news, the kind of person who is only prepared to give you the bare minimun and chastise you for wanting more. Now you need to date with marriage in mind. But I think you may be being picky about the wronng things.

Post # 19
Member
871 posts
Busy bee

I totally understand your feelings! I was feeling EXACTLY the same way as you are. Thought I would never find anyone again, depressed, found it hard to get out of the house. You are not alone in feeing like that- breakups can do a real number on us. 

Even when I was dumped by my loser ex bf I still desperately wanted to make it work and held on to hope for awhile. I think what you are feeling is pretty normal right now even though it is scary and distressing

I too worried about being too old to find someone else.

But you know what? If you and I had clung to these bad relationships and had somehow made it to marriage, it would have been *even more* of a waste of our times and it would just be a matter of time before we would be getting divorced from these guys. So we would have wasted even longer being miserable with the wrong people and would have ended up where u are right now, but older and with more to lose. 

You are saving yourself from further heartbreak and saving yourself from an expensive divorce down the road- that is something to celebrate! And you are not tied to this guy in any way so you can start fresh with someone new when you are ready!

You can still have everything you want and more! Remember that you are now available for tHe right person and when you find the right one, things will move smoothly and you could end up married with kids sooner than you think!

Post # 21
Member
323 posts
Helper bee

“I can sometimes be in my apartment for a couple of days without leaving.”

I havea rule that when some thing bad happens to me, I take time for myself. Some times I just lay in bed for days, sleep, avoid eating or sometimes eat junk, watch stuff on youtube, write, and let myself go. Some times I even don’t bathe or brush my teeth. After a week of mourning, I get back to my routine. The negative feelings are out of my system, and it’s about looking forward to a better life. 

You can learn to cook, draw, paint and other indoor activities from youtube channels or other sources.

“Not sure what else I can do…my mind is making me crazy”

I completely get that. Every one has had a point in their lives when they felt that their mind was out of control. In Canada, there are distress lines  that are open 24/7. Are you open to trying them out? Some people can be very helpful. They are good listeners. They don’t solve your problem but you will feel better after talking to them. 

It’s easier said than done but try to remember this: Dwelling in the past causes depression. Thinking a lot about the future causes anxiety. Living in the present and enjoying it is the healthiest option. 

Write kind and loving notes for yourself and put them in your mirror, fridge and other places where you can see them. 

Valantine’s day is coming up. So are Single’s awareness day and National Single’s day. I believe that they are on the same day. Go out with your friends and have fun with them or stay at home and order a heart shaped pizza (what ever will make you feel better). You could also baby sit for a couple who never gets a night out. 

You can write affirmations to make yourself feel good. You can also journal all the nice things about you, and when you feel bad, you can read them. 

You can teach your parrot some tricks. When I was single, I used to live with my guniea pig and I spent a lot of time with him. I taught him to do so many things. We were enough for each other. 

 

Post # 23
Member
323 posts
Helper bee

pinkglitter2017 :  No problem. With all my heart, I really wish that you feel better. 

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