(Closed) Friday positivity thread: Do you strive to be a better person? In what ways?

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 16
Member
2838 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

eocenia:  iarebridezilla:  I totally agree with the need to stop judging others because of their weight. And that isn’t just for people who are overweight either. As a child until I was about 19, I was clinically underweight and short for my age. I was constantly ridiculed for it, too. Toothpick, and mini-me were common names that I’d get called. Even my middle school gym teachers made fun of me for being smaller than the rest by asking if I lost a sock and holding up an infant’s sock. I got zipped into athletic bags and put into lockers because I fit. Skinny shaming is just as damaging as fat shaming. Although, people try to hide behing the words, “I’m just teasing.”  Now that my hormones have gone haywire, I’m battling the other side of things with being overweight. The first time I got overweight, my own family was constantly judging me and telling me I needed to be thinner when they were the ones shoving down my throat to make me gain in the first place. Everybody just needs to butt out… rant over. Sorry. Clearly this is a hot topic for me.

Post # 18
Member
2838 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

iarebridezilla:  I remeber that commercial! And it’s so true that starting out the day right leads to better decisions at other meals. But I am trying to remind myself that if I mess up one meal, I don’t need to mess up the rest. Or that if I mess up one week of weight loss, I don’t have to mess up the next week’s, too. I am trying to choose the “right” thing for each decision I have next. Take them one by one.

Post # 19
Member
2348 posts
Buzzing bee

iarebridezilla:  I study buddhism so constantly working on myself is a major part of that. I have worked very hard on cultivating gratitude and compassion. One of my tough bits that I am still working on is what you call “mindless chatter”, gossip, judgment(y) talk about others or events, etc. It’s easy to fall into that kind of talk, especially with friends who talk that way. I am also working on becoming healthier, I’ve really fallen out of my good workout/eating right routine in the last couple of weeks, so I’m going to try and get better at that too.

Post # 20
Member
3039 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

iarebridezilla:  Weight is definitely a difficult topic, weather you’re thin or overweight, people feel the need to comment upon it. Weight has somehow become common property, something where you don’t really have to apply filters. Back in the days when my BMI was above 30 I was told what I should and shouldn’t do (both in terms of eating, exercising and dressing). Then I lost the weight, and all of a sudden it was free game to ask me if I had an eating disorder…

In terms of my parents, my mum was the harsh one when I was overweight – telling me that no daughter of hers could have stretch marks (well, too bad) and when I objected that she couldn’t possible understand (she’s very thin) she replied with “Of course I can, I’ve been pregnant twice – I gained 17 lbs each time!”. Thinner me… dad (who is very, very, overweight) would tell me I was “obsessed” and “extreme” when I would select healthier food choices. In both cases I really wish they had focused more on my self-esteem issues, not my physical appearance!

Today, losing that excess weight was the best I’ve ever done from a health perspective. It has also allowed me to do and experience so many things that would never have happened otherwise – like meeting my husband! We meet in a climbing gym; no way I had set foot in one back in my overweight days. Because I know how many excuses I made up for myself before I lost the weight, and because it has been so wonderful for me, I think I’ve developed this annoyance for overweight people through the years. I see someone eat something very unhealthy in a food court, or take the last cookie, and it just rubs me the wrong way. However, I think I have to learn to accept that what worked for me might not work for others and that it all comes down to what the individual feel is making them happy. Perhaps it is that extra cookie, and then I shouldn’t sit there and judge them to bits and pieces and considered them weaker people than me. Very hard work for me, but whenever those thoughts crop up I now stop up and analyze them – rather then just accepting them as facts.

Post # 21
Member
3039 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

howtobeawife: Just saw your reply – just want to say that I agree, it definitely goes both ways (see my post above). So sorry that you also had to experience both sides of the coin. What I find really saddening is that family is often the ones that are absolutely harshest, when they really should be the ones that are showing support and encouragement no matter what your weight is.

Post # 23
Member
2838 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

eocenia:  Thanks πŸ™‚  I guess it’s just that the ones who are closest to us have the most power to hurt us. I guess that’s why family members can be the worst offenders.

Post # 24
Member
3039 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

iarebridezilla: So true. 

Actually, this thread made me think about another thing that I try to become better at – seeing other people. My husband is amazing when it comes to this. He can dart off at any moment because he has spotted some elderly lady having trouble getting something heavy into her car or a mother struggling to get the stroller through a door. He’s always the first one to pop-up if someone need a seat at the subway and he always have a friendly word over for others. I think I have this tendency to stick to myself, look down in the ground and not interact as much. I see how much others appreciate his actions, and how much they can mean, and I’m working towards paying more attention myself.

Post # 25
Member
2350 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I know this goes against the grain of the thread, but it still answers the question about whether I try to be a better person. First of all, yes I try to be a good person, sure. I try not to unconvienence others, I don’t participate in gossip or tearing down others, I try to be the person everyone says ‘she is so nice’ about. I try to avoid all drama and rudeness, I pass up opportunities to belittle ppl or make them look bad, I keep my mouth shut, keep to myself, and always do what is the ‘right’ thing or what I would want someone to do for me. I’ve been doing that for the past 20 years. I overbuy on birthday presents, I go out of my way to make sure others feel like I pulled my weight, did my part, gave the right amount of effort that is expected of me.

To be honest, I’m sick of it. Always thinking about everyone else’s feelings all the time and feeling guilty all the time if I want to do less than I have before. If I miss a baby shower, I feel like the shittiest person ever. If I only give $20 in a birthday card when I know I can give $100 makes me feel terrible. What I learned with wedding planning is that all of that effort to be the best person and following the golden rule all that time got me nowhere  because very very few ppl came through for me when it was my turn to be spoiled a little bit.

So I’m trying to find a way to stop caring so much about what other ppl think, how they will react to me and my choices, no matter the situation, and how to stop living with the guilt of living my life the way I want to live it. This probably makes me a worse person but it honestly would be a huge relief to not live up to some impossible standard anymore and with no disappointment that it won’t be reciprocated. 

Post # 26
Member
2838 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

BeeG35:  Honestly, it sounds more like you have high expectations for yourself that you’re tired of rather than not meeting other people’s expectations of you. I understand that. We all do it to some extent, but it seems you set the bar really high for yourself. It’s okay to lower it and not beat yourself up about it.  I don’t think you’ll be a worse person for it either.

Post # 29
Member
998 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

This is kind of different from your example, but I just recently gave up meat and dairy after learning how awful factory farming really is. I still eat eggs bc they come from a friend that has the chickens as pets and they are very well taken care of. That challenge is enough to keep going for now. I’ll work on my bitchiness/sarcasm later. 

Post # 30
Member
2350 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

howtobeawife: I think ur ur right and I had never thought of it that way. I am always trying to people-please and I’m terrified what they would think if I did anything less than what I expect I should do or know I can do. I guess I feel like they would think about me what I think about them. (Oh that’s so terrible to say, isnt it! A terrible way to think, too I guess.) The worst thing is to purposefully only give half effort, it makes me feel so awful and selfish that I don’t do less, or I know the guilt that will wrack me for weeks afterwards. 

iarebridezilla: that’s a good way to put it, another perspective I’d never thought of. If I could figure out how to stop feeling guilt, I would!

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