(Closed) friend ¨can come¨to reception but not ceremony

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
802 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I had a friend tell me that too. She said “I don’t know if i’ll make it for the wedding, but if I do come, I won’t eat..so just act like i’m not coming, but I might show so save me a seat at the tables!” …WHAT?

So rude. You can’t make it to the free part but you can come to the $50 a head part? Psht. You come to both, or neither. She’s known about the wedding for like 5 months too. I feel your pain!

Post # 4
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Yeah…. I do not know… we had a couple do a destination wedding, but threw a BBQ for all of us when they got back. So, I never saw their ceremony.

Post # 5
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@glamachica45:  What day of the week is the wedding? What time is the ceremony? What time is the reception?

She really may not be able to take off work but wants to be able to celebrate and support your marriage.

I’d be sad is someone could only make it to the reception, but honestly better only to the reception then only to the ceremony because that way I actually get to celebrate with them rather than just smile hello as I walk up the aisle.

Post # 6
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I have had jobs in the past where I worked weekends, and was not able to get time off, even for weddings. She may have limited vacation time, etc. I’ve also unfortunately missed ceremonies due to traffic/getting lost, so I wouldn’t uninvite someone who can’t make the ceremony.

Post # 7
Member
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t think it’s rude. Some people have work schedules that can’t be controlled. She still wants to be part of your day.

Post # 8
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Where I live that’s pretty normal so I don’t think it’s rude. 

Post # 9
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

This wouldn’t bother me in the least, especially if there was 4 or more hours between the ceremony and the reception.  I truly think that even if there’s free booze, people who love you come to spend the night with you.  They are not there to hang with your family, friends and loved ones.  I don’t know anyone who thinks weddings are the most awesome thing they can think of to do with a Saturday night, so if anyone wants to come to my open bar reception and skip the ceremony, it won’t bother me a bit.

 

Post # 10
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

In our area it’s pretty common to have guests only come to the reception. So I guess I don’t find it rude.

Plus, depending on the job, schedules may be made months ahead of time.

Post # 11
Member
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Honestly, I have gone to just the reception part of many weddings. Sometimes the ceremony is earlier in the day with lag time between the two so it is just easier to skip the ceremony and go solely to the reception. I also agree that it depends what day of the week it is on. For example if it’s on a friday I would expect a lot of people to skip the ceremony part because of work obligations. Some times this can also fall on early saturday ceremony. People have other obligations and you cannot ask everyone to drop all their obligations just to attend your ceremony. If shes not directly part of the wedding party then I do not think you should uninvite her just because she possibly won’t be at the ceremony. IMO there will probably be numerous people that skip your ceremony and show up for the reception part.

Post # 12
Member
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I hate to admit it but it is pretty common. I personally think that it is terribly rude that I actually got into it with Fiance over ” I probably wont make it to the ceremony….” thing. I would probably just invite her and just chalk it up as a lost (like Ihad to do).

Post # 13
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I don’t think it’s rude.  We have a lot of non-religious guests coming to our very Catholic wedding and I wouldn’t be offended in the slightest if they skipped the ceremony.  But our ceremony is more about the two of us and the church than anyone in the audience?

Post # 14
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I agree it’s pretty common, I also think she doing it for a legit reason, other people just want to go the party. I am going to be annoyed and hurt if family  misses the ceremony which in my view is more important to the party. But like others said it’s quite normal to have people do this, most of the time they dont’ say anything to the bride and groom and unless it’s a major family member they aren’t missed. I wouldn’t pull an invite for that, but you need to decide if it’s worth it to not send her an invite.

Post # 15
Member
590 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I agree with pp’s… it’s pretty common here for people to not make both. So common that for my rsvp’s i have a seperate line for the ceremony and reception (because I’m renting chairs for the ceremony I want to make sure I have enough – or don’t pay for a bunch that I don’t need.) There is also a 50 min. drive between the two so that may also affect people’s decision to make both.

Depending on what your friend’s job is and her financial situation maybe it’s not feasable for her to take the whole day off? I had a close friend of mine tell me she wouldn’t make it because her brother’s wedding is the week before and she can’t make the 6 hour drive back twice. It sucks, but our wedding isn’t going to change other people’s financial, work, time obligations. I would stil invite her. I AM still inviting my friend even if I already know she can’t come. She’s still a friend regardless.

Post # 16
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I can understand your being upset, but I don’t think what she’s said is all that bad.  Instead of assuming that her decision is based on your open bar, I’d assume that she really does have to work and can’t get it off.  You could always tell her it’s important to you to have her there and ask her one time if she could take the time off work.  I don’t think it’s fair for you to just not invite her (unless you plan to end the friendship over this).

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