Friend acting friendly and then distant/cold

posted 2 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 17
Member
2077 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

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@marebear200:   You know when people treat me like I’m not wanted, I make their wish come true.

Seriously, I’m too grown for this kind of bs.  If you can’t have an adult conversation and air your grievance with me then we should just cut ties.

I do NOT beg for friendships.  I move on.

Post # 18
Member
7130 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

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@marebear200:  You’ve been putting up with this bitch’s hot/cold bullshit for TWO YEARS?! I’d stop trying with her. Stop texting her and stop commenting on her social media (or better yet, stop following her on SM entirely). If her husband is still friendly with you, then THAT is your friend. She’s your friend’s wife. An acquaintaince. Who cares if she likes you or not or why. She’s acting like an ass. Treat her accordingly.

Post # 19
Member
93 posts
Worker bee

Just talk to her. There’s no reason to sit around guessing what her motivations are. Just talk.

Post # 20
Member
1033 posts
Bumble bee

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@marebear200:  

I think we spend entirely too much time analysing other people’s behaviours and trying to understand why they do the things that they do, instead of just checking in with how the behaviour makes us feel.

It feels crap to have someone blow hot and cold with you, and if they don’t make the effort to communicate if something is wrong… well then, you kind of have all the information you need, in my opinion. Their behaviour makes you feel bad, and they are also not taking any steps to fix or improve the relationship.

This may sound heartless (but I don’t think it is as, as a PP pointed out, we only have limited time on this earth), but if a person, particularly a friend, stops investing in a relationship with me or treats me carelessly, I will make maybe a couple of attempts to get things back on track, just so I can say I gave them the benefit of the doubt in case they were going through a bad patch. If things don’t improve after that, I let the relationship go. Seriously.

There are 8 billion people on the planet. We need to stop giving inordinate amounts of energy to people who are simply not reciprocating – doesn’t matter what their reasons are.

Trust your instincts – move on from this friendship. Don’t keep texting, inviting, commenting if it’s not reciprocal.

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