Post # 1
Fiance and I sent out our STDs and one of his friends told us right away he can’t come because he and his wife will be at another wedding where their two boys will be the ring bearers. I know technically we’re still supposed to send an invite in case their plans change, but unless this other couple calls off their wedding or something FI’s friend definitely won’t be coming. Should we still send an invite?
This is one instance where ‘proper’ etiquette seems wrong to me. It seems very gift grabby and like we didn’t listen to the important reason they can’t make it, or like we hope this other couple’s plans don’t work out or something. Personally, if I told someone I couldn’t come to a wedding because I was already attending another one that day and then got an invitation anyway I’d be thinking WTF, did you not listen to me? Are you hoping I just send a gift?
What would you do?
Post # 3
Nah, I would send one. If I was a good friend, I’d like to know that they actually wanted me there. And I’d like to see the invitation and would be looking forward to the photos.
Post # 4
@LibrarianBride: I dont think its gift grabbing. I would think it was a nice gesture to let me know that I am indeed invited, even though I sadly cant make it. Same reason Ill be sending invites to some out of country family friends- will they make it? No, but they will still be honored by the invite.
Post # 5
i would still send one. i don’t think it’s gift grabby at all. just because someone is invited to a wedding, it does not mean that they are obligated to give you a gift.
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
As a guest I wouldn’t consider that gift grabby at all.
I’m inviting loads of people I know won’t be able to make it. I want there to be no question that having them at my wedding would be an honor.
Post # 7
@LibrarianBride: You could send an invite along with a personal note that says “We know you guys are spoken for, but just want you to know you’ll be missed on our special day/you’re invited/etc……..”
Who know if they’ll send a gift– but either way, the invite is a nice gesture!
Post # 8
@LibrarianBride: Why don’t you send one and have a note in it that says, “I know you can’t make it because of the other wedding, but we’d love to have you in spirit” or something nice like that.
Post # 9
@LibrarianBride: If you’re concerned it looks gift grabby, maybe include a nice handwritten note with the invitation saying something simple about how you just wanted to include them even though they can’t attend?
Haha, we all thought the same thing at once!
Post # 10
I would send a hand written note with the invitations stating that you understand that they are unable to come but you wanted to include them in your special day.
Post # 11
@LibrarianBride: I would still send the invitation – it’s not gift grabby, especially since they already know they’re invited from the save the date. It would only be gift grabby to invite friends and relatives exclusively because you know they wouldn’t come.
Post # 12
Great minds think alike! How in sync are we? LOL
Post # 13
Bah…..totally distracted and didn’t even see your reply before I wrote mine LOL
Yes!! great minds!!
Post # 14
Wow, sounds like we have a consensus! For the record, I do not expect them to send a gift, but I was worried about them thinking we were fishing for one. I’ll definitely include a note with the invite!
Post # 15
I totally agree!
If you don’t want to appear “gift grabby” then insert a personalized note to let them know you understand they cannot attend, but wanted them to know you were still thinking of them.
Post # 16
I would definately still send one.
I was your friend at one point- I was Maid/Matron of Honor at my best friends wedding and another friend from college had a wedding on that same day. I told her I woldn’t be able to go as soon as I knew and she never sent me anything. I felt silly, but I still felt slighted. I would have liked to still get an invite. Maybe I’m silly.