(Closed) Friend asking too many favours

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2146 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

give her an invoice for your services, if she going to use you as a dog walker then expect to get paid

Post # 3
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Wow she has really put you in an awkward position. I don’t like confrontation and I once was in a similar situation. I backed off for a while, got really “busy” for a few weeks. Then slowly started hanging out with her again (this was my neighbor who was too obsessive) but kept the relationship much more formal and our visits were more spaced out.

Perhaps you could try something like that? Kind of a fresh start you could say. After a break(which in your situation may not even be necessary), continue to enjoy your morning walks together but don’t ever agree to walk her dog again (just be busy) because she clearly doesn’t know how to limit her compulsive need to ask for favors. 

Post # 4
Member
462 posts
Helper bee

Out of interest, what is it that makes you not want to walk her dog as often as she’s asking if you’re walking your dog anyway? Is it extra work or is it the rudeness of her always asking that bothers you? If the reason is the former I would just apologise and give the legitemate reason. If it’s the latter could say something along the lines of “my dog fairs better with solid routine and really benefits from the one-to-one walking time so I’m going to keeping his evening walks to the two of us but if you’re still up for doing morning walks together I’d love to still do that”.

Post # 5
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

cc5598:  Wow! That IS an awkward position she’s put you in. Those people drive me nuts. Are you still going to be walking with her in the mornings? I wonder if the next time she asks, “what are you doing” you could leave it open ended? Like, “not sure, we’ll be in and out tonight” or something? She really really has put you in an awkward spot. It’s just not your responsibility to walk her dog all the time.

Post # 6
Member
1365 posts
Bumble bee

That’s super awkward. I’d probably say something like “It seems like you’re asking me to take your dog out pretty regularly. I don’t mind taking him once in awhile if you’re really in a pinch, but this is feeling like I have a dog walking job. I’m really happy we walk together in the mornings, but I need to just take my dog out at night for some one-on-one time.” 

Post # 8
Member
2168 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Start telling her you have plans and that you can’t help her. It’s going to probably come to that point eventually where you do have something going on and you have to tell her that you’re unavailable so if you can set the tone now that you’re not just available whenever, she will have to figure something else out. People shouldn’t take advantage like that. 

Post # 9
Member
7814 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

When she offered you the key, I’d be like, “great! Here’s my key – the laundry is in the closet upstairs, and trash goes out on Tuesdays. Don’t forget to change the kitty litter!”

Post # 10
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

Wow that situation sucks. I used to have a relative who would only call me for favours. I just stopped contact and became busy. I would tell your Fiance that any time she texts, your official stance is one of the following:

– Might have something going on, will have to check with my Fiance

– Have a lot of errands to take care of, will be in and out

– Have to take care of a few things around the house

– The whole week seems pretty busy, don’t even know how that happened!

Basically you’re busy. If you keep doing this for her, it’ll soon become an expected routine. If she doesn’t want to walk her dog, she shouldn’t have a dog. 

Post # 11
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee

I feel like you have a few options here. You could either pull the friendship way back and become “too busy” to walk your dog with her in the morning (non-confrontational option). Or you could talk to her honestly and tell her that you’ve been feeling imposed on with all these requests to take care of her dog and would prefer she find a dog walker instead. Since she’s a neighbor & I don’t know how sensitive she is, not sure which is the better option for you.

Post # 12
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

You give an inch, she demands a mile! That is so not cool. How dare she go around you and text your Fiance after you’ve politely declined?

Your own dog is your priority and responsibility. There is no need for yout foster her dog. If she is unable to take care of her dog, she can hire a professional dog walker to do the task for her. She doesn’t seem like someone who loves her dog enough to make the time for him. Which is very sad for her dog and possibly explains his behavior around other dogs.

Anyways, you are under no obligation to be taking care of her dog and don’t feel guilty about saying no or avoiding her. Your life is your own life and you are not accountable nor responsible for an annoying and rude neighbor!

Post # 13
Member
6605 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

You don’t actually need an excuse.  “I’m afraid that won’t be possible” is answer enough.  Just put it on repeat until she gets the hint.  However it might be good to remember that someday you may need her help walking the dog as well.  If you think she’d be open to it, you might just discuss that you’ve noticed she’s been asking a lot more often recently and here’s the number of a dog walker who might be more helpful as she won’t have to worry about whether you make plans.  Fewer bridges burned.

Post # 14
Member
221 posts
Helper bee

Ugh that’s so awkward and rude! The next time she asks I would say “sorry we won’t be able to tonight”. If she asks again after that I would say “hey we aren’t able to but it seems like we have both been busy lately. I use so and so as a dog walker, here’s their number for the next time you need someone!”

Post # 15
Member
1256 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

cc5598:  Yikes… I think I can see why “Paula” might not have anyone else she can ask for favours…

Hope you can find a way to get the relationship to a more comfortable and reciprocal level. I think if she continues to ask then you are going to have to find a way to tell her, in person, why walking her dog in the evenings doesn’t work for you (upsets your own routine with your dog, takes extra time and energy you don’t have to spare etc.). If need be, practice what you might say a couple of times with your Fiance so that you feel prepared when it next comes up. 

Good luck!

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