Friend asking too much or am I just being selfish?

posted 9 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

If she is having this difficult of a time this long after the birth and wasn’t like this before, she might have post-partum depression and may need some professional help. It might be worth talking to her about that.

Post # 18
Member
6734 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

chrissybee :  As far as PPD, I will say this: I suffered from PPD and I guarantee to most people I looked fine/acted fine on the outside. 

Post # 19
Member
8770 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

chrissybee :  “she was so nervous about being home alone with him (her shitty baby daddy had to work)” — Does this mean they live together and he just couldn’t be there that day, or do they not live together? Are they a couple? He should be the one she calls for rash cream if she doesn’t want to take the baby out. Unless he has special needs, it’s not a big deal to take a 9-month old for a quick trip to the pharmacy though. They don’t need a stroller or even a diaper bag. Just strap him into his car seat and pop him in the front part of the cart when they get to the store. It’s not that hard. 

If you feel guilty for saying no, try framing it to yourself this way: Saying “no” more, will help you resent her less. It can help preserve your friendship. And it gets easier the more you say it. “I wish I could but I can’t” is a good starting phrase. 

Post # 21
Member
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

chrissybee :  I have a 2 yes old and a 1 uyr old tell her to grow the f up

Post # 22
Member
877 posts
Busy bee

The fact that she took her baby to the ER for pinkeye and then didn’t know where the pharmacy was tells me she doesn’t have stable medical care for her child. Sounds like she could use some professional help caring for this child. I’m sure there are community or faith-based organizations to help connect her to resources that could help. As for the wanting a soda thing, that’s reallyyyyyyy asking a lot. Tap water is good enough for the rest of us.

Post # 23
Member
8168 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

chrissybee :  

TwilightRarity :  has said   it all really ( and I share  her distaste  for  the term ‘baby daddy’ and ‘baby mama’ ) .

You do need to work out what you will  and will not do , and to tell her  and to abide by it .  I speak as one who some years ago got into a similar   mad situation where I would  be regularly  crossing miles across town at night and getting back in the small hours  – and fighting with h. about it.

 

Post # 25
Member
8770 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

chrissybee :  Ok, well she can choose to make HER life hard, but that doesn’t mean she gets to make YOUR life hard. You need to start saying no. Before long, she’ll stop asking. 

Post # 26
Member
2645 posts
Sugar bee

Maybe I missed it, but why did she have two babies with men how couldn’t be bothered?

Post # 28
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

By doing these weird favors for her you are not doing her any favors. It isn’t healthy for people to cater to these demands. You need to pull back for her as much as you. She needs to be forced to go out, confront her unrealistic fears of things. If you keep doing things for her she won’t learn to do them on her own. She has a lifetime of doing hard and weird errands with her child. She needs to find a way to handle it sooner or later. 

Just don’t take her calls as frequently. She calls and asks for something you reply via text and say your busy sorry. Just keep saying no and avoiding it. If she really pushes you then you might need to tell her that you can’t be that person for her. You aren’t available to do these things for her and she needs to figure them out for herself. 

 

chrissybee :  

Post # 29
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

You know, there are many new mothers who have zero support. They get the things they need done done. It sounds to me as tbough you definitly do enough that she shouldnt feel alone and unsupported. It sounds more to me as though she is lazy and expects too much from everyone else.

 

She wanted you to drive across town to get her a drink??  Guess what, we’ve all been there as parents. Kids went to bed we opened the fridge. Darn. Forgot milk/juice/pop whatever. We deal. We dont expect people to drive across town to bring us something. 

As for diaper rash cream while your mother has just been diagnosed with cancer..i’d drop a friend for something like that. She doesnt appreciate that you have a life and family and other obligations outside of herself. Being her lacky is not the reason you wake up in the morning. She has no respect for you and doesnt appreciate the things you have done for her. She needs to grow up and learn to deal with being a parent. 

Just start saying no. Stop enabling her self centeredness.

Post # 30
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I totally agree shes asking a bit much, but honestly it sounds like shes suffering a bit with anxiety or maybe even a form of post natal depression. She has to learn to care for her and life her life with her child as normal. Maybe suggest she joins a baby group or speaks to a local health care provider about the fact she doesn’t like to leave the house with him. 

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