- 4 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
Aw man! I just typed up this entire post and then my computer decided to restart itself!
Ok let’s try this again. Here’s a little background on one of my bridesmaids (we’ll call her Michelle):
Michelle and I have been best friends since high school (so about 6 years now). I know she has some anxiety problems and I’ve always tried to be there for her. If she needed to talk, even if it was in the middle of the night, I’d be there. Through all of her ups and downs, break ups, you name it… I was there for her. When she had a hard time with her parents during the last year of high school, she moved in with me and my family. Basically, I did as much as I possibly could do for the girl. The problem with her, however, is that she tends to be quite selfish. If she needs to talk or has something going on, she will keep our plans no matter what. Yet when I have anything that I need to talk about, she bails half the time. Like I said, I knew she had a lot going on with her anxiety issues so I didn’t say anything.
I go back and forth from Israel and Canada and we usually talked on the phone every single day while I was in Israel, until about 10 days before I was supposed to come back to Canada. She disappeared from my life and I was starting to get worried (she had mentioned depression and suicide on some occasions). So when I got back to Canada, I eventually stopped by her house and her mom told me she was okay. Knowing that, I let it go and figured if she doesn’t want to be a part of the friendship then I’ll just have to respect that. She eventually called, apologized, and just said she has “problems” . We started hanging out again and everything was fine.
Fast forward to my engagement. I, of course, asked her to be one of my bridesmaids and she said yes. We were both super excited! About a week later, when I asked my entire bridal party to be a part of my wedding, I decided to have a little cheese and wine night so that all the girls could get to know each other, exchange contact information, etc. I saw Michelle 2 days prior to that evening and she assured me she would be there 100%. I even offered to pick her up, as she doesn’t drive (she lives 30 minutes away, no biggie). The next night, I messaged her to confirm the time and she didn’t reply. I thought maybe she was busy or fell asleep. The next day after that (the day of the girls night), I tried to reach her throughout the entire day. She didn’t pick up her phone, didn’t reply to text messages, nothing.
She disappeared for about 2 weeks, after which she sent me a FB message (that’s right bees, a FB message!) telling me that she has to focus on herself and that she can’t be a part of my wedding. I later found out that “focusing on herself” meant starting a relationship with a new guy she barely knew. Her words were “I need to focus on myself and being a part of your wedding means focusing all the attention on you, and I just can’t do that right now.”
The kicker was that I didn’t even ask her to do anything for the wedding. All she had to do was show up to some of these get togethers and the actual wedding day. She’s been known to be selfish but I never thought she would do this to me. Not to mention, she said “I’m sorry I’m doing this over FB” okay well if you’re so sorry, don’t do it over FB!!
Long story short, I never replied to her message because I was so furious. A part of me also felt like getting on my knees and thanking God that she backed out of her role as a bridesmaid long before the wedding, so she saved me some trouble there.
I just can’t get over the fact that:
1. She kept telling me how she’s not stable enough emotionally to be in my wedding… a ONE DAY event. Yet she went ahead and got into a RELATIONSHIP.
2. She disappeared and then sent me a FB message. Is there a better way of saying “F you”?
It’s been 5 months now since I got that message and I recently saw that Michelle and her boyfriend broke up. I started thinking about the whole situation again and I feel like I didn’t get the closure I need to close the book on our entire friendship. I guess I’m still hurt over it, so sometimes I get the urge to message her back… but then I also feel like maybe I should just let it be. I don’t know what to do.
So, bees, what would YOU do in this situation?
PS, just to make it clear, my problem isn’t that she doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid. I would never force anyone to do it! My problem is everything else that came along with it, including how she went about telling me.