(Closed) Friend backing out on party – super lame and I’m upset

posted 8 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I know it’s dissapointing, but something this small doesn’t seem worth questioning a friendship over, especially since she is not one of your bridesmaids.

Post # 4
Member
1014 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Maybe because she’s not in the bridal party, she doesn’t think she’s as important to you, and won’t be missed.  Just forget about it, and focus on those who are coming to celebrate with you.  Like chexmixDC said, it’s totally not worth questioning a friendship over.

Post # 5
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Sorry…I am going to have to disagree with the other posters.  I would be totally hurt too and you cannot help to feel the way you do.  I couldn’t just say “Oh well, she can’t come whatever”.  We are human beings and therefore have feelings.  And yes, I think your friendship could come into question because I know that I would move heaven and earth to be there for someone I was close to and especially a good friend.  Just because she is not a bridesmaid doesn’t mean this event is “not as important” if she were one.  You were there for her and it does suck when they can’t or won’t do the same for you.   

Post # 7
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I don’t think it matters if she’s in the bridal party or not.  She’s your friend, and she said she’d come (even asked to bring an uninvited friend along).  I would probably try to address the issue with her…but I’m a blunt upfront person.

You’ll have an amazing time with or without her!

-Best

Post # 8
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Um, well I understand your being disappointed and you have the right to be disappointed.

But I think that she has a decent excuse–the bachelorette party, no matter how much planning you put into it, is a minor event compared to your actual wedding, and she IS going to that, no?

However, I do think she should have called.

Post # 10
Member
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I think tests are a completely legitimate reason to miss a party. You can feel hurt, that’s your right–but if she’s in college, tests are VERY important. If you totally bomb one (depending on your school), you might as well drop out. =/

Post # 11
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Like I said, I’d be disappointed too.

But I don’t think that the reason of turning down your bachelorette party/shower because one has to studying for exams is “lame.” And like you said, she isn’t a Bridesmaid or Best Man so her attendance at either event is as expected of her as it would be for one of your bridesmaids.

If you want to bring it up with her, you can, but I don’t think that you’ll change her mind and you’ll probably just cause a rift where you don’t want one. You have other friends who are going to the party–instead of being disappointed about the one person who can’t come, be excited about all the other people who can.

Post # 12
Member
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Meh, I’m on your side. I always make a point of going to important functions for my close friends and I would be totally disappointed with her bailing… I know it sucks being a student and having a ton of exams (been there, done that), but maybe you can talk to her and she can something out where she only comes to your shower, or maybe just dinner? That way she can spend some time with you and still get some study time in. Everybody wins!!

Post # 13
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I would be upset too, especially at the way she did it. She clearly was avoiding confrontation which screams she knew it was wrong. If I were you, I wouldn’t have written her back because that would make her paranoid, haha!

Post # 14
Member
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Mrs. Alias: What’s so wrong about needing to skip a party because you have to study? =/

Post # 16
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

It sucks – but, unfortunately, some people measure other people’s events differently.  You’d think she’d realize the importance, having just gone through the experience, but perhaps everyone’s involvement was a different priority to her.

I had a friend who missed my shower and it still kind of bugs (because she was anxious about being there).  But, I tried to shift my disappointment to being grateful for everyone else who took time out of their busy lives to celebrate with me.

I don’t think if she comes or not is necessarily a friendship deal-breaker, it’s just a different priority for her and she perhaps needs to mature in that area.  Or, she’s really focused on school and is the type of person that can only focus on one thing at a time, etc.  If you’ve been friends with her for 7 years, you know if this type of behavior is typical (flaky) or if it’s a fluke.  Either way, it’s par for the course on friendship, IMO (meaning, friends will disappoint you from time to time)…. 

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