Friend bailed on attending 4 days before wedding…

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
8031 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You don’t need to say anything more than “thank you for letting me know.” If you are feeling generous you may add a “you will be missed.” Vent here; you still have to work with him. 

Post # 3
266 posts
Helper bee

So rude. I’d still play nice and just say “you’ll be missed”

I would seriously distance myself from this person though and not invite them to anything going forward. 

Post # 4
10725 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Don’t say anything apart from a curt, ok we will miss you.

Don’t waste your emotional energy at this point. Later afterwards at work you can maybe ask why he couldn’t have come without her. If you still care. 

Have a lovely wedding on Saturday. 


View original reply
teacheramy :  

Post # 5
6880 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Things happen, people have other things going besides your wedding.  Is it rude they cancelled last minute sure. But be the bigger person and just say sorry you are unable to come, you will be missed and leave it at that

Post # 6
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

Bummer we will miss you. Let it go, there is nothing to be gained from expressing your frustration, focus on the people that are there and prepare yourself for more last minute cancellations because this is not unusual.

Post # 7
543 posts
Busy bee

I can totally appreciate you wanting to put him in his place, tell him how crap they both are and how weddings are not cheap and they have wasted your time and money. 

But unfortuantely as you work with him, it would be best to just be civil and just back away from the friendship a little  (considering he doesnt value it enough to come alone to your wedding). So I would go with what PP said… as hard and sucky as that is. Maybe post texts here of what you wish you could say to get it out of your system. Sometimes it is good to get a friend to role play with you so you feel like you actually had the conversation you wanted to, without it affecting anyone.

Post # 8
1496 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

Yeah that really sucks but there’s nothing to say.

Post # 9
3839 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Agree with PP. Just say, “thank you for letting me know” and leave it at that. There is nothing more you need to say. Absolutely make whatever adjustments to your interactions with them as you see fit in the future.

Post # 10
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

View original reply
teacheramy :  Does it suck yea but will it solve anything if you tell him how you really feel? No. I would just say like the other pp’s said sorry you can’t make it. Things happen your not going to get the answer’s that you want so don’t worry about it. You have to work with him and it may become really awkward. Just enjoy your wedding it’s your day.

Post # 11
14179 posts
Honey Beekeeper

What I’d like to say: “You do realize that our final numbers were due this week and we will have to pay for the fact that something better than our wedding came up at the very last minute.”

What I would say:  I’m sorry to hear that.

Post # 12
2080 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Hahah i would totally say what 

View original reply
weddingmaven :  said. It’s a pretty good response. 

Op it really depends on if your work would be negatively impacted by you calling him out or not. If it would actually effect your work then just let it go. If it wouldn’t really matter and after his behavior you won’t be friends with him anymore going forward than maybe say something if you want to. 

But I secretly hope you say what weddingmaven said to say bc this guy deserves to know how rude he is. 

Post # 13
2612 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I’m a big fan of a classic response:



Post # 14
1873 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

View original reply
teacheramy :  I would do the total dick thing and just reply:




Lower case. No punctuation. Let him stew in it.

Post # 15
1873 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

View original reply
bouviebee :  Ha! Great minds, lol

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