Friend bailed on attending 4 days before wedding…

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
1100 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

But adding the period makes it so much more bitter! I love it! “K.” Or k… 

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sbl99 :  

Post # 17
5725 posts
Bee Keeper

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bouviebee :  I’m with you. I wouldn’t lie and say sorry, we’ll miss you. I might be tempted to respond “whatever” but “k” is probably better.

Post # 18
4577 posts
Honey bee

I also would respond with “k”. Lower case, no punctuation. The least response possible.

Post # 19
6 posts
  • Wedding: August 2019

That’s so frustrating and inconsiderate! 

I wouldnt be mean, but I wouldn’t be nice either. Short and simple. I think I’d go with the response of “Alrighty then.” A hint of pissed off-ness that let’s them know they’ve done you wrong.

Post # 20
766 posts
Busy bee

While this “friend” deserves a ‘k.’ that can easily be misconsrewed as a petty response, and you should have just told him off in the first place if that’s what you response will be. I simply wouldn’t respond. Then completely distance yourself from him and forget it. Be above his b.s. i wouldn’t even waste my time.

Post # 21
5170 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I would seriously reconsider being friends with someone like this.  Some people will give the standard ‘no one will care about your wedding as much as you’ but this is the height of rudeness and they clearly don’t value you or your money very highly.  How could you not understand that the couple will have to pay for you regardless?

Post # 22
2215 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

My uncle cancelled coming 4 days out. He emailed me and I didnt reply. He gave no excuse 

Post # 23
974 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I would just respond “ok” and distance myself from him.  I get it that things come up but there’s no reason he can’t still attend unless he has been looking for an excuse to bail.  

Post # 24
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - UK

This depends on the relationship you have with this friend. if its only just a work friend and you don’t socialize much outside of work then I would respond like mentioned above and accept that once one of you leave the job your relationship will probable die as well. 

If its someone you are closer to then just work friends then I, personally, might be a little bit more passive aggressive and suggest ways they might still be able to come. Like:

“That’s a shame, you don’t want to come by yourself? I could see if someone can carpool with you?”


“Until what time is the shower? Could you still make the reception? It would be such a shame to not have you there.”


Again, it depends on your relationship with the person.

Post # 25
1360 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2021

I wouldn’t lie and say “sorry to hear that”, I just couldn’t be fake about something like this. I actually wouldn’t even bother replying, I would leave it on read because sometimes silence speaks louder than words.

I would then distance myself from him and if he asked me what was up I would be honest and say it’s extremely inconsiderate and rude to cancel your RSVP four days before a wedding to attend a last minute shower. Like you said he could attend even if his partner doesn’t, so I’m not buying the excuse tbh. 

Post # 26
784 posts
Busy bee

No need to be rude or agressive, a simple ‘thanks for letting us know’ is fine. It’s a pain when someone cancels last minute but as you work with this person there’s no point in creating drama.

Have a great wedding day!

Post # 27
7937 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

can you call your caterer and see if there is anyway to adjust the numbers.

Post # 28
631 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

is there anyway you could say to him, and in a nice way. “Oh shoot, thats too bad you guys won’t be able to make it, but if you don’t have to attend the bridal shower, you are still more than welcome to come by yourself!” If you guys are friends, I don’t think this is petty at all, and since its a guy, he likely won’t read into it much. I wouldn’t beat around the bush, if you want him to come regardless if she is there or not, let him know that’s an option, if he still doesn’t want to come, thats super annoying!

Post # 29
676 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2021 - Dracut, Massachusetts

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bouviebee :  LOL me too, so short and effective!

Post # 30
1185 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

If he’s a friend you care about more than just a work aquaintance, you could say something like, “Ok, thanks for letting me know. I wish you’d told me by the RSVP deadline – we had to share final numbers with all our vendors last week. That said, if there’s any way you can still make it, we’d love to see you there, even if (GF name) can’t make it.” 

But I agree with PPs, if he’s not someone you want to maintain a friendship with, I’d just not respond or give a one-word answer. I’d be pissed, too.

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