Friend bailed on attending 4 days before wedding…

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
Member
6364 posts
Bee Keeper

It’s definitely rude of him, but still – his loss.  Focus on your wedding and not the fact that he won’t be there.

Post # 32
Member
5245 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

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pinkcorsage :  Not sure what the issue is here. 

Really?  Probably that it is insanely rude to cancel on something like a wedding so last minute, in 95% of cases the couple would still have to pay for the friend & his girlfriend to attend plus it is a huge faff to redo the seating plan to make sure you don’t have 2 empty places.  It is even more inconsiderate to cancel a wedding 4 days before for something that has literally only just been arranged. 

Post # 33
Member
6364 posts
Bee Keeper

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zzar45 :  I literally removed that part of my comment because I misread a section yet you still felt the need to point it out.  Thank you.

Post # 34
Member
5245 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I mean, how am I supposed to know what you’re going to edit out after I reply? 

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pinkcorsage :  

Post # 35
Member
6364 posts
Bee Keeper

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zzar45 :  This was edited prior to your response.

Post # 36
Member
5245 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

That makes zero sense, it obviously wasn’t or I wouldn’t have seen it. 

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pinkcorsage :  

Post # 37
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

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pinkcorsage :  Cross-posting has been known to happen before.

Post # 38
Member
2094 posts
Buzzing bee

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pinkcorsage :  This. Also agree to your edited out part of not understanding the issue. 

OP, I’m sorry that you are upset by this, but there is no need to be rude to them. He let you know that he wasn’t coming. While he didn’t owe you an excuse, he did give you one. It’s not up to you to decide what is the more important affair for him to attend. There will be people who don’t attend your wedding even after they said they would, and give you NO head’s up or response. It is the nature of event planning. Thank him for letting you know, and let it go. 

Post # 39
Member
2006 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Look bee, I had no shows.  These are the people who also confirmed with me personally that they were coming and day of simply decided not to.  That pisses me off more because I turned away people when we reached our number.  He had the decency to give you a little, although not much, heads up about the cancellation.  Now if you have any extras waiting you can go ahead and fill those two seats.

Post # 40
Member
210 posts
Helper bee

We had 2 people cancel via text the day before our wedding (no reason given) AND we had 2 people no show. They RSVPed, we ordered them food, then they just didn’t show up. Still haven’t heard from them. We just asked the catering staff to give us the extra meals and we handed them out to people who looked extra hungry :).

Post # 41
Member
1560 posts
Bumble bee

I would wait to see if he sends a gift before caring. If I was in his position I would probably send along an extra generous gift to make up for it. 

Post # 42
Member
14092 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d respond with “I’m sorry you can’t make it – we’ll miss you!”

Post # 43
Member
10669 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Actually, l wonder if l could resist adding “ l’m sure there will be a couple of people hungry to eat your meals as well as their own so they won’t be wasted…. “

 

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JiminyCricket :  

Post # 44
Member
834 posts
Busy bee

If you didn’t work with him I would definitely be in support of saying something along the lines of “thanks for letting me know but since this is so far past the RSVP deadline we can’t adjust anything with our vendors. Have fun at the shower” BUT since you have to maintain a professional relationship I would just say “OK.” 

Post # 45
Member
14144 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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ariesscientist :  “I wouldn’t lie and say “sorry to hear that”, I just couldn’t be fake about something like this.”

It’s not a lie, though. This would not be meant in the “I’m sorry, you’ll be missed” sense. It quite literally means “I’m sorry to be hearing it.” The beauty of this remark is it is polite but can be taken two ways. If I received that line and nothing more, I’d assume the person was POed. 

Then again, anyone this rude, oblivious, and unapologetic is not likely going to appreciate the intention behind any of these replies, including none at all. 

My guess is this was no last minute thing and the friend forgot about the conflict when he RSVPed. 

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