- 12 years ago
Hi Bees – got married in apr and love the site!
I have a question about a friend of mine, "Sarah". Sarah and I have been friends for several years and have several mutual friends. She is kind, generous and we see each other often. She doesn’t, however, have any idea how she can come across to people. She is always talking about how pretty she is, how smart and good at her job, and recently how in love she is with her new boyfriend. She often repeats the same anecdotes about herself over and over (not realizing people around her are totally bored/annoyed). She is happy for others if something good happens, and never causes drama, but just isn’t that interested in the details of the lives of others. If anyone expresses annoyance, it has to be really obvious or she won’t get it, and if she does she chalks it up to them being jealous of her. I find her to be kind of boring often, but I know she means well and certainly doesn’t mean to hurt other people, and I know she really values our friendship and if i’m in the right mood we can have a good time together.
I got married recently and had a lovely wedding. we were interested in keeping things low-key, with an emphasis on food and drink and dancing. partway through our reception, it became clear that Sarah was telling all of our mutual friends (loudly enough that people who didn’t know her remarked to me about it) that she was going to have sex in the bathroom with her boyfriend. she accosted both myself and my husband about it separately and asked if i would care. i replied that i couldn’t care less but i didn’t really want to be having this conversation right now. she told me that it seemed like i cared but then went on about how she was talking about it all dinner and was oblivious to the fact that i didn’t want to be taken away from my wedding to discuss it.
Granted, she was really drunk, but i don’t know if it justifies 45 minutes of discussion on the dance floor with anyone who will listen. our mutual friends, my friends who know her, and my friends who don’t kept coming up to me to discuss it (in a, omg, what is the matter with this person! kind of way). Eventually she did do it (she wasn’t very discreet in taking him off the dancefloor and into the bathroom, and they stayed there for quite a while), and returned and announced it to several friends.
She seems to think this is a cute, fun story and has related it several times since the wedding to other people. we do have a couple as friends who are famous for sneaking off and having sex at events, but they are ALWAYS discreet and never make a big deal of it. she brought it up in front of me once and i replied tersely that everyone at the wedding knew she had a good time, including friends of mine she didn’t know. i said that the next time i get married, i wanted to have a sex in the bathroom don’t ask don’t tell policy (it was a joke, but i tend to joke around when i’m irritated). i doubt she could sense irritation but hasn’t brought it up to me since, but continues to regale everyone else with this story.
here’s my issue. i’m not the kind of person who cares if people are intimate in the bathroom at my wedding. if it were anyone else i would think it was sort of comical. i am irritated though that she made such a huge deal out if it and that i had people coming up to me to ask about it repeatedly. Is it worth confronting her about this? I don’t see what good it would do but it’s really driving me nuts. It seems like she totally doesn’t think it’s a big deal, and if she can’t see it, me telling her several weeks later won’t accomplish much. I don’t want to discuss it with mutual friends (except for an eyeroll here or there) because i don’t want to create drama or have people be annoyed with her for an issue she has with me (that she doesn’t even know exists!)
sorry so long, any advice on how to deal?