Post # 1
So one of my bridesmaids got engaged to a guy she knew for 1 month and dated for 3 weeks!!! How would you guys react to that??? I was so shocked and kept asking if she was sure?! She had just broken up with another boyfriend while she was getting to know this new guy. What the heck is going on? My fiance was so shocked…he actually said “are u sure u want her as ur bridesmaid?”
I wish I could talk to her and tell her exactly what I think BUT I CANT! I don’t want to be a bad friend…but would being a good friend mean that I support this? I think she is making the biggest mistake of her life. They went together to pick the ring and everything…the guy is in the process of getting a divorce and has 3 kids…she is 23. I am very confused.
Should I tell her how I feel or just let her enjoy the ring on her finger?
Post # 3
Oh nooooo. This sounds like a train wreck 🙁 Anything you say is probably going to backfire on you…. but you may decide you need to say something. Good luck.
Post # 4
Wow, that’s tough. I would try to figure out a way to voice my concern in a non-judgmental way. If she says she is sure, I think you are going to have to leave it at that. Hopefully, they have a long engagement and she can consider things a bit more.
Post # 5
I think you should tell her why you think it’s a bad idea, but add that you will continue to be a supportive friend no matter what she decides. The fact is – this isn’t going to end well, and they probably won’t even make it to the altar. Your friend may need you to help her pick up the pieces later.
Post # 6
@sparrowly: I know 🙁 This is what I am very worried abt. I don’t think they will actually end up getting married in the end and it makes me very sad.
Post # 7
I unfortunately would say, at this point- just for a short time, let her enjoy it. Dont be overly supportive, but stand by her. Dont lie to her also. If she asks you point blank if you think its a good idea- tell her the truth. But for now, let her enjoy. As long as they are not getting married in the next few minutes, then she has time to come to her senses (especially if he is in the middle of a divorce- I dont know that he can legally marry for 6 months after the divorce is final). She’ll be getting a lot of flack from other people, and your wedding is probably got her wanting one herself. Man… its tough though, I would want to speak my mind, but I think maybe in a few weeks.
Post # 8
I would let her play pretend… Chances are it’s gonna be over before your wedding. Wait it out, she isn’t going to want to hear your concerns. If and when she actually starts planning and spending money… that will be the time to speak up. But for now, try not to let not to let it bother you.
Post # 9
I mean there may be some information you don’t knwo yet. For example, one of my firends gto enagged to some guy after llike 3 months and we were like…. hmmmm that was fast 2 months later she tells u shse’s pregnant which explained ALOT.
I would be supportive, while strategically phishing for some information to see if its right for her or not. I, like you, think its really fast, but I know a couple who moved in together after knowing each other for a week and were married a yr later, and are doing fine and are really happy. Its hard to say b/c no one really knows what’s going on in the relationship but the ppl in it.
The guy though isn’t divorced yet and has 3 kids. HAs she met them? Is she comfortable with that? Have the two of spent a lot of time together alone and with the kids? I think all of that are the type of questions you can ask without it seemingl like you’re attackign her.
Post # 11
I got engaged after knowing my husband for only three months. I knew I was doing something out of character, so the friends that meant the most to me at that time were the ones that said “we don’t think this is a good idea, but we love and support you no matter what” and “if you’re happy, I’m happy”. I had one person say “this is stupid, you’re making a huge mistake, and I don’t support you in this”. She proceeded to refuse to get to know my fiance or allow him in her home. We don’t speak anymore. I don’t miss her.
Just be there for her, if you don’t think this is a good idea and she asks, tell her so. But remember that she is your friend (and one of your bridesmaids, right?) and be supportive.
@sweetiejewels: You never know. That’s what people said about my parents when they decided to get married three months after meeting (Mom was recently divorced with two daughters). That was 30 years ago and they’re still happily married. So again, you just never know.
Post # 12
I agree with the others to wait a little while. Don’t say anything until she actually starts planning a wedding. But, as someone else said if she flat out asks you what you think about the engagement… don’t lie to her.
Post # 13
@AmberAustin: She is not pregnant. I actually did ask her that on the side. She has met the kids but asked me to not tell anyone that he is married and has kids because she said: “the wife and the kids are not part of our lives”. I am saying these details here because nobody here knows me or her but other than my fiance and a very close friend that doesn’t know her, I haven’t told anyone else any details. Our mutual friends don’t know that he is married.
Post # 14
I agree with the bees who say to either gently tell her how you feel, or don’t say anything utnil she asks. Either way, being a supportive friend is the key thing you want to do here…b/c you do want to get to know her fiance and not hold the quick engagement against him.
I was in this situation once, and my friend wasn’t very happy with me when I came out and said that I thought she was moving too fast. I just wanted to be sure that she was making the right decision and not rushing into something. I supported her even though I definitely though they were rushing. In the end, she broke up with him and thanked me for being the only one to voice my concerns about the situation. It’s all about the way you approach it.
Post # 15
I would be “supportive” while at the same time trying to get as much information about him from her as possible. I would also let her now politely that it is a very big step to take especially with a person than is going through a divorce and has children!
Post # 16
Wow thats crazy… I wouldnt say anything yet either.
A friend of mine got engaged after only knowing and dating the girl for 3 months. Then right after they got engaged she moved out of the country for about 8 months and then came back one month befor their wedding. HE felt sure about her because her family apparently knows his family in some way… I felt really odd about it but just had to bite my tongue and pretend I was very happy about it.