(Closed) friend busted talkin’ trash (VENT)

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Honestly – I would say "f*ck her" too. Totally inappropriate for her to make such comments! That said – how trustworthy is the source of this information? I would clearly take a close and hard look at who these "friends" are. After being engaged for almost a year now I have to say that I’ve heard my fair share of weird comments and snarkiness..and you know what…I’m glad I did b/c I know how these people truly feel about my engagement to my Fiance.

Post # 4
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I told my now-fiance before he proposed that I wanted to be involved in choosing a ring (b/c I am the one who will wear it!) and I didn’t want to let him down if I wasn’t crazy about whatever he chose.  He was totally fine with that.  I ended up waiting 2 months for my ring, b/c we ordered it, then I had to change the diamond and the prongs once I got it (long story, won’t go into it)–the upshot is that I was engaged for 2 months without a ring, and no one even cared!  I would just ignore this friend–she is clearly clueless and insensitive.  The important thing is that you wear a ring you love, not that you get it when he proposes.  I’m 36, and believe me, after waiting this long to find someone wonderful, I wasn’t going to compromise on the kind of ring I wanted (I mean the style, not the carat size/price).

Post # 5
Member
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

O man, just try to breath, I can feel your rage, guess that girls off the guest list! I don’t really have any advice, it doesn’t seem like your looking for any, just wanna rant and vent, which is fine, hope everything works out. Just try to breath!

Post # 6
Bee
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall

Wow. Just wow. I second those who suggested saying "f*ck you". Could she be jealous? Either way, what an awful way to act.

Post # 8
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

What a craptastic "friend"! Gosh, obvs, she has her own problems (probably jealousy, or maybe, she’s just insane, who knows). Unfortunately (actually, fortunately), during wedding planning, you’ll find out who your real friends are. My fiance lost two really close friends during the planning process (they actually had to leave the wedding party – and we probably won’t ever speak to them again). It’s just sucky, and I’m really sorry you have to deal with this!

Your best bet is to just ignore her, and seriously, don’t feel guilty about not inviting her to the wedding. If she ever confronts you about the lack of an invite, be honest and say, "I really don’t want people at our wedding who think my fiance is a diamond thief." Maybe that’ll teach her to blab to everyone about things that aren’t any of her business.

Post # 9
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

Wow, I am so sorry that you have a ‘friend’ who would say that about you AND your Fiance. You’re absolutely right in that you don’t NEED a ring to be engaged. My parents did the same thing…my dad couldn’t afford a ring at the time b/c he was building the house that they’ve lived in for the last 32 years, so they got engaged without one, and he bought my mom a ring later AFTER they were married. They also had friends where the woman proposed to the man, and after they were married, he bought her a non-diamond ring. Just because it’s not the way that person would do something doesn’t mean that it’s wrong. People are so caught up with material things that they don’t see the big picture in that you both promised yourselves to each other. That’s a REAL engagement whether she likes it or not.

AND a friend who would talk behind my back about me like that and even insinuate that I was pregnant b/c I gained a little weight would not be considered my friend any longer. If I were you, I’d call up that friend, call her out on everything she’s been saying, and see what she has to say for herself! Some people have all the nerve in the world when they aren’t saying what they think to the person they’re talking about.

Congratulations by the way on your engagement 2 months ago (or whenever he asked you to marry him) and congrats on your fabulous ring! It’s gorgeous!

Post # 10
Member
278 posts
Helper bee

That’s horrible to judge.  It’s okay to say things but those are some really hurtful things to say and I think it’s disrespect to you and your Fiance.  I would really confront her about it because she needs to know that’s it’s wrong.  I wouldn’t be all up in her face but gracefully let her know that it doesn’t make sense for her to have a problem with your engagement.

By the way, congrats on your engagement ring.  The ring is just a symbol and I’m sure it was worth the wait!

Post # 11
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Oh my…who says things like that???? I would be stunned beyond belief! And then cross her off the guest list. Those are awful, awful things to say!

Post # 12
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee

Wow. All signs point to jealousy. This friend sounds like she would judge you if say, she didn’t think your diamond was big enough or if you had a long engagement. People who make catty remarks about such things are usually either projecting their own insecurities or are insanely jealous that they are not the ones planning a wedding. Seriously, the happiest time in your life can bring out the absolute worst in other people.

I don’t know if I would even bother to confront her about it. I think her remarks are so mean that they are pretty much below comment from you. Don’t allow other people to cut you down – I heard a few remarks relayed to me which made me see red as well. But I just feel sorry for those people. It must really suck to be so angry and hateful. 

Post # 14
Member
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Dumb frenemies. That sucks, kittyachi. I would cut this "friend" off. It’s one thing if people express genuine concern about your relationship, but trash talk like this is just NOT what friends do.

Post # 15
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Wow… I agree f**k her! that’s ridiculous – how rude!!! my jaw actually dropped when i was reading what she said! the way i see it, if someone doesn’t 100% support your relationship and decisions surrounding your marriage – then they really don’t need to be at your wedding. and she obviously doesn’t support you and your FH if she’s talking smack like that. ridiculous….

Post # 16
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Whoa.  This girl sounds like a major b*tch.  The fact that you only trusted a handful of friends with your news, and she betrayed that trust and started saying stupid, hurtful things about you and your Fiance, is really upsetting!  And the idea that you have to have a ring to be "really" engaged is idiotic.  Tons of people get engaged without a ring on hand.  One of my friends got engaged 3 months ago and just got her ring — her fiance wanted her to help pick it out, and then it had to be specially ordered and made. 

After the wedding this weekend, I would really encourage you to confront her — an e-mail is probably fine for this.  Tell her that you heard through the grapevine that she’s been saying nasty things about you, your Fiance, and your wedding.  Then tell her that since she apparently thinks you and your Fiance were "stupid" for booking things without a ring, and if she really thinks the only reason he’d marry you is because you’re pregnant or have family diamonds, the two of you don’t want her at the wedding, and you won’t be sending her an invitation.

There will definitely be some drama, but if you do it now, the drama will all die down by your wedding.  It will also give her a chance to come up with a sincere apology.  Maybe if she suffers some consequences for her trash-talking, she’ll get it through her head that she can’t go around saying nasty things and expect to have any friends.

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