(Closed) Friend called his FI Fat…

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
2958 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

Honestly, I don’t think the breakup was unreasonable. They obviously have very different outlooks on health and fitness. If neither one is going to change, it is better that they part ways and find someone else more on par with their own lifestyle.


Post # 4
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Mrs_O:  She’s better off without him.  I agree with PP, they’re too different to begin with, especially since she’s normal sized and he’s kind of a jerk about what she was eating.

Post # 5
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

They just aren’t compatible. I wouldn’t like it if my Fiance ate that crap either. She needs someone who eats crap like her; he needs someone who eats healthily. It’s probably for the best.

Post # 6
1175 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2002

@whoa_its_ash:  I agree!  If they are fighting before they get married…it will only get worse.  I couldn’t live with a man that hounded me like that.  Yeah, she should probably make healthier choices, but that’s her decision to make.  

Post # 7
1420 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

@whoa_its_ash:  +1.

Not all people want to be with someone who admittedly will not take care of their body.  I couldn’t be with someone who ate like that all of the time and did not eat anything healthy or even exercise a little bit.  

Post # 8
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I mean…I understand that he wants her to be healthy and make good choices–yes, she should be exercising and caring about what she eats–but he went too far. There’s a difference between being concerned about your SO’s health and calling him/her fat, constantly commenting on weight, etc.

Post # 9
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t think this is necessarily a stupid thing for them to have broken up over. Obviously it’s been a recurring issue for them and it sounds like your DH’s friend has a better chance at a successful marriage with someone who places similar value on fitness and staying slim. Constantly badgering your SO to lose weight is destructive and pointless. She’d be better off finding someone who respects and accepts her lifestyle choices and finds her attractive as she is than trying to make it work with someone who will always resent her for not being thinner and more active.

I agree that your friend could have been kinder and more tactful, but maybe she’s better off knowing how much disdain he has for her food choices and extra weight.

Post # 10
8453 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Mrs_O:  My mom told me I was fat the whole time growing up, so I guess I’m just used to it (I’m 5’7″ 140lbs).  It wouldn’t really bother me if the other person was eating healthy/exercising and was looking out for my health.  However, criticizing someone’s weight is very different than being concerned with their health.  In addition, I hate eating/cooking healthy, so I probably wouldn’t be with someone that was like that.

Post # 11
2573 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Mrs_O:  It sounds like he is very into diet/fitness, and hence, needs a like-minded person whereas his now-ex needs someone who is a little more chill re: diet and exercise.

I have a couple of female friends who are insanely into diet and fitness. However, their long-term boyfriends are as well, so their relationship works. Your DH’s friend is clearly looking for someone who makes diet/fitness their lives 24/7 not even someone who works out 2x a week. A girl who doesn’t work out at all and enjoys a burger now and then just won’t fit the bill.

I think it’s for the best, OP. I’ve had a couple relationships where the boyfriend commented on my eating habits/weight. Needless to say, they are all exes now.

Post # 12
3320 posts
Sugar bee

@Mrs_O:  They’re both better off. I have a good friend who is very athletic and health is important to her. Her current bf couldn’t be more opposite in that respect, and I know it’s very hard on her. When you dedicate so much of your time and mind around being healthy and trying to extend your life as much as possible, I can imagine it’s troublesome to know that the person you’re supposed to spend that life with is so unhealthy. With that said, he’s a complete jerk for approaching it like that, and I can’t imagine how miserable her life would be feeling so self conscious around her own husband all the time. If his concern is looks and not actual health, then really, she is better off. If he just can’t take the fact that she’s doing bad things to her body, I can understand that more.


Post # 13
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I agree that this break-up was inevitable, and for the best.  Him calling her ‘fat’ is not even the whole reason they shouldn’t be together, but moreso because they obviously have very different priorities and values.

Post # 14
5547 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

I assume this person has survived dor years without someone else counting everyone of their calories, so yeah, he is a jerk. There is a huge difference in encouraging healthy habits and belittling your SO over their meal choice, in a resturant after they already ordered. If she is truly overweight, then thatwas exactly not the way to help her. And it sounds like she might be mildly pudgey, not morbidly obese. 

Post # 15
9682 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@DaneLady:  +1, this. If I am trying to be healthy and making nice dinners and my husband would rather eat McDonalds then I would be frustrated too. I wouldn’t call him fat or be mean to him, but I would definitely try and bring him over to my side of the fence. If what you value is so different then how can you merge your lifestyles? I will go take our kids for a hike and you will stay home, watch TV, and eat chips? No, thank you.

Then again, I wouldn’t have started dating, gotten engaged to, and married someone who was completely opposite to what I found appealing in a partner.

Post # 16
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your DH’s friend sounds like a jerk. If she is exactly as she was when they met i have no idea why he needs to bother her.  If he loves her, he should love her exactly as she is.  She is better off without him. 

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