Post # 1
I have a friend from high school that I’m not super close to, but we keep in touch. She got married just over a year ago to a man who adores her. A month ago, she revealed to me that he caught her cheating and now wants a divorce. Turns out, she slept with multiple men (mostly coworkers) over the course of their relationship.
Now I could maybe understand someone having an affair after years of a neglectful, passionless marriage, and even then I’m skeptical. But this? I just can’t find any sympathy for her, and don’t have much respect left either. Furthermore, she has been posting passive-aggressive and self-pity type posts and memes all over Facebook implying that the guy was a jerk, she did nothing wrong and was blindsided by his wanting a divorce, and I suspect all of the people showering her in sympathy have no clue what really happened. She has even said to me that she can’t believe he would demand a divorce: people make mistakes, he should’ve forgiven and forgotten, and that if he loved her he would stay. The worst part is that she us CLEARLY thriving off all of this drama and attention!
I’m really questioning if I can stay friends with someone like this. But I also tend to be overly harsh and judgemental of people, too. What do you guys think? Thanks in advance 🙂
Post # 2
I don’t think you’re being too judgmental. It would be hard for me to be friends with someone who could treat her husband like that, or simply with someone who has such drastically different values than myself.
Nevermind the drama 🙄 no thanks!
Post # 3
I’d probably lose respect for her as well, and it’s pretty hard to be buddies with someone you don’t respect. I would be especially put off by the vitcimizing role she’s trying to orchestrate. I wouldn’t be able to be friends with someone if they couldn’t even take responsibility for their mistakes, and feel bad/have a concious about it. It sounds like she’s trying to blame the husband so she doesn’t have to feel guilty.
I’d also be thinking “if she can treat someone she married/sleeps with this way, what could she justify doing to me?”. I’d probably step back from the friendship for sure.
Post # 4
Someone who you’re not close to, your relationship can be described as “keeping in touch,” cheated on her new husband multiple times with multiple men aka diseases (unless he was telling her about all her sexual contact he was exposing him to risk), is acting like she’s the victim here, and is defending this behavior.
Nope. I MIGHT stay friends with someone where it made sense, but this is horrible. Of a comparable level is the fact that she’s justifying it. So this isn’t a case of someone who is repentant; this is a case of someone who is basically pro-cheating.
Post # 5
I tend to take these things on a case by case basis. In this case, your friend sounds like a scuzzy asshole who doesn’t take responsibility for her choices and their consequence. I don’t think the cheating is the main reason to dump her as a friend. All of her bullshit around it definitely is.
Post # 6
A few years ago one of my best friends cheated on her husband. We remained friends because while I didn’t necessarily approve of her decision, that was her decision. I tried not to comment or lecture her, because its her life and who knows why people do the things they do. Unlike your friend though, my friend owned up to the consequences of her decision and took responsibility. She also never said anything bad about her ex. Your friend sounds too dramatic and ridiculous for me. Cheating isn’t a friendship deal breaker, but her attitude and actions definitely are in my opinion. Yikes
Post # 7
TwilightRarity : Pretty much my thoughts too. The cheating was bad enough, but the fact that she seems to be milking it for her 15 minutes of fame really turned me off. Take some freaking responsibility for your actions! I’m disgusted by how she’s handling things, and my heart is broken for her poor husband.
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre
I would end the friendship I don’t see how I could be friends with someone that has such different values then I do. She sounds like a very disrespectful person
Post # 9
Thanks for the reality check everyone! I think distancing myself is the best option at this point 😔
Post # 10
It doesn’t seem like you were close to her to begin with. Is this friendship beneficial and meaningful in any way? If not then I would shut it down. No need for that kind of drama or negativity in your life.
Post # 11
unless there is some seriously compelling reason to keep in touch that you haven’t mentioned…i’d just back away quietly.
Post # 12
I wouldn’t break the friendship in any dramatic or obvious way. Mainly because if she’s doing this to her husband, she’s likely to build up some passive-aggressive around you too. However, I’d stop responding to her texts, occasionally give a vague non-committal response every now and then, slowly drift away from her and her drama.
Post # 13
my best friend has a tendency to hanle relationships by cheating instead of ending it. she is still my best friend. I don’t approve and whenever this happens (not a frequent thing) I listen to her and then tell her off and explain why that is not the answer. Besides this flaw she is very loyal friend, sweet, smart, funny and I’m lucky to have a friend like that. I judge her only based on her treatment of a friendship. I feel like it cannot be compared to relationship since the dynamic is so different.
so for me that is not a deal breaker since I know her and her insecurities but she is never jerk about it and the owns up to her actions and suffers the consequences.
Post # 14
bucky91 : About 10 years ago one of my oldest closest friends cheated on her Fiance (who I got along with so well). She then said she didn’t want me talking to him ( he had done nothing wrong, he got cheated on AND she was trying to claim his house as her property, she was being really nasty) so I said no, told her to shove her friendship where the sun don’t shine and to this day he is one of my best friends. It was a simple choice. He was good people. She was not.
Post # 15
It’s sounds like you’re more friends with her husband than her. It doesn’t seem you like her very much so no need to keep in touch.