(Closed) Friend confessed his feelings for me – a few weeks before my wedding!!…Ohemgee

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I was in your exact situation with a friend, and yeah it seriously sucks. On the one hand you’re pissed he told you because he knows you’re engaged, and what does he expect? On the other hand he is your friend and you don’t want to lose the friendship or make things weird.

People will probably disagree with this, but I would’t tell Fiance. It’s going to make things worse, and if the guy was drunk my guess is he was just acting like an idiot and is probably pretty embarassed.

Depending on how close you are, bring it up and just tell him that obviously nothing is going to happen, and you are happy with Fiance. Also tell him that you aren’t going to tell Fiance, and would just like to forget the whole thing. My guess (and hope for your sake!) is that he’ll be relieved that you’re willing to drop it. If he persists though then I do think you need to drop him.

Sigh…it’s just so difficult to be gorgeous and loveable, isn’t it? 😛

Post # 4
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think you should tell Fiance but not be as emotional about it.  Just say it’s unfortunate that he has chosen to change y’alls relationship by divulging this information that obviously isn’t going to affect your feelings.  I think you keep things the way they are but choose to distance yourself from this friend. 

Post # 5
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

OMG is right! Well, flattering that he has a crush on you, but I think I would have tried to nip it in the bud right there. I know why you didn’t, and who the heck knows what I would’ve done in that situation, but I’m sure he feels like a prize idiot right now. 

Any chance he might forget about the conversation b/c he was drunk? Haha…

Post # 6
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@sara_tiara:  I can agree to a point.  I’m kind of torn on it.  If it were just her friend, I would say don’t tell him.  I don’t think it would be the worst thing in the world to not tell him, but since they’re friends, could it be a betrayal to his friendship?  

Post # 7
Member
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Mars62312:  Yes, but I also think that given the guy was drunk my guess is he’s going to feel like a real ass, and bringing her Fiance into it and pissing him off will make more of a mess of the situation.

Like I said, I would bring it up and see how he reacts…if he apologizes etc, I would just let it go.

Post # 8
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@sara_tiara:  She said he wasn’t drunk…only had 1 beer.

That’s what makes me think it was more calculated.  It could be he just needed to get it off his chest and will no longer bring it up. 

Post # 10
Member
9686 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Legallyblondiebride:  Been there, the same thing happened to me.  Try to just dismiss it if you can, and put it out of your mind.  And steer clear of him from now on.  I’m sorry something so inappropriate happened to you, what a loser that guy is. 

Post # 11
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Similar situation here- guy was someone I went to High School with, went down in a bar. I was just like “that’s nice, I’m getting married”, and didn’t tell my fiance. I’m not one to amplify drama.

Post # 12
Member
9686 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@sara_tiara:  On the other hand he is your friend and you don’t want to lose the friendship or make things weird.

If he were truly her friend he would never have done/said something like that.  Real friends do not put someone they care about in such a bad position.  That guy is NOT her friend.  He’s only looking out for himself – that’s not my definition of a friend.

HE made it weird. 

Post # 13
Member
1200 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

you say he wasn’t drunk…. so that’s not an excuse. You don’t want to tell Fiance because you don’t want to ruin their friendship. This guy already did that so no worries…

Seriously what if one of YOUR female friends did the same thing to your FI? Wouldn’t you want to know? Because clearly that friend is not a friend at all. That is the lowest of the low. What, exactly, did he hope to get out of saying that to you?  Completely inappropriate and something I’d want my husband to be aware of.

Post # 14
Member
1200 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Sunfire:  great minds think alike.. we were on the same wave when we posted at basically the same time LOL!!!!!

 

I also want to add WHAT IF this comes out to your Fiance later…. from someone else? Be it this “friend” or one of the gals you were with that night? Would he appreciate YOU not being the one to tell him? Or would it make him wonder why you didn’t……

Post # 15
Member
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

OK, if he wasn’t drunk then yeah, that changes things (my bad)…I wouldn’t tell Fiance, but I WOULD phase the guy out. Is that possible?

Post # 16
Member
1330 posts
Bumble bee

I would not invite him to the wedding. I would tell Fiance immediately and oth of you talk to the “friend”.

He was not drunk, there is no excuse, and it was highly inappropriate. A true FRIEND is happy for you.

He is just looking out for number one-and he has a girlfriend to boot? Time to lose the friend.

 

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