(Closed) Friend confided in me that he's considering divorce.

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
9527 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Is she jealous of you? It sounds like there is a key piece of information missing here

Post # 4
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2000

Um, she’s not a tag along. She’s his wife.

Post # 5
Member
2573 posts
Sugar bee

Aquaria:  I would tell him that if he has problems with his wife he should go to her and talk about their issues. I would not be happy if my husband was having issues with me and he ran to his friend about it instead of dealing with it. Maybe she caught on that he is doing this and thats why she wants to tag along?

If you are grown up enough to be married you should be mature enough to handle issues in your marriage with your partner.

Post # 6
Member
9527 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Aquaria:  she might not hav reason because you’re married but it sounds like she wants him to spend time with her not you. Understandable, she is his wife. Instead of letting your friend constantly ditch her to be with you have him plan activities his wife would enjoy. Have him deal with his wife during arguments, not run to you to escape her.

Post # 7
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Aquaria: your friend is exactly the kind of person that I would hate to marry.  Where are his boundaries?  He should be talking to his wife about their problems, not confiding in you.  Maybe you’ll feel awkward the next time you see her, but imagine what she’ll feel. 

Post # 8
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Aquaria: What do you mean he walks away from her and comes to you? Do you mean that literally, right in front of her?! If that’s the case I’d tell him he needs to cut that shit out and work out things with his own wife. It’s appropriate that you lend an ear every now and then (one on one), but literally walking away from her and going to you is fucked up. She sounds insecure for sure, but that behavior is helping no one.

Post # 9
Member
285 posts
Helper bee

No grown man should be avoiding talking to his wife by walking away and blabbing to his friend. Next time he comes to you yell him to go talk to his wife. 

Post # 11
Member
6040 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

 

Aquaria:  Here’s the thing, if this was reversed and the post read …

“My husband insists on spending alone time with his female friend and whenever we have issues he runs to her to confide in her instead of dealing with our issues head on with me and only me. Am I crazy for feeling like this friendship crosses some lines?”

majority of the bees would probably say something along the lines of …

“yes that’s inappropriate that he runs to her whenever you have issues and still insists on so much one on one time even though you have expressed how uncomfortable this makes you. It’s fine for him to still maintain his friendship but there needs to be some boundaries.”

that’s my guess on how it would go if the situation was reversed.

Also, as his friend, if your friendship is causing issues in his marriage, YOU  should be the one to step back if he isn’t. You should be the one to say “ya know, this seems to really be causing friction and as your friend I don’t feel comfortable with being a reason for so many fights. I would love to be there for you as your friend but maybe we need to reevaulate things and set some new boundaries that might be more respectful of your marriage. Work on it, it’s your marriage and it deserves attention. I’ll be here still once you figure things out”. He may work it out with her and he may not but that decision needs to be made without you in the picture. He needs to man up and focus on his issues in his marriage.

Post # 13
Member
774 posts
Busy bee

Aquaria:  Unfortunately it is actually more than just asking him to stop venting to you about their problems. You need to actually step back from hanging out with him as much and from inviting them out to things. If he/they want to hang out, let them initiate. As his friend who sees the issues here, you need to have greater respect for his marriage even if he doens’t quite see it yet.

Post # 14
Member
288 posts
Helper bee

I honestly think your relationship is inappropriate….I know you’ve been friends with him since 9th grade but attending concerts, movies, hanging out with a married man and calling his wife a tag-along while having him run to you anytime he has a marriage problem…I would imagine the wife has had more than a few conversations about your going out on “dates” with her husband. 

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