(Closed) Friend confided in me that he's considering divorce.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 61
Member
964 posts
Busy bee

Aquaria:  All of these rules and regulations came about after they tied the knot. Had he known beforehand that she forbade x, y, and z he wouldn’t have proposed.

Why. What did she catch him doing to cause her to do a complete 180? 

You keep insisting that she is this person he paints her to be when you actually have no idea other than, conveniently, whatever bullshit he is pouring into your ear. That you are so enamored with him that you are lapping up said bullshit is off-putting. You quickly jump to his defense to say he isn’t an asshole but you have no problem characterizing her as bitch, based completely on his say-so.

Newsflash: guys who go around trashing their wives to anyone who will listen and humiliate and embarass them in public by treating them horribly and running to a female friend to bitch and complain in front of everyone? Those guys are assholes.

The fact that you side with him without fairly hearing her side, that you readily lap up his bullshit the way you do and you are complicit in his repeated trashing and maligning of her both privately and publicly makes you an enemy of her marriage. 

Post # 62
Member
964 posts
Busy bee

I can gaurantee you, if I found out my husband was trashing and maligning me to a female friend and she was lapping it up and commismerating and nodding in aggreement and *poor you*ing him all over the place, when she had only ever heard his side of the story, I would find her and cunt-punt her into the next county. 

ETA: I say this as a person who has been a bartender for 30+ years. I’ve seen a lot of crappy disugusting behavior but my pet peeve is people who trash their partner/spouse to anyone who will listen. I am not friends with people who do that. If I have a freind who starts doing that, I repeatedly bring the conversation back to them and focusing on their own failings. Having the occasional personal conversation with friends about one’s troubled relationship – in which said person is forthcoming about all of their own faults and how they are contributing to the state of their relationship – is one thing. People who bitch and complain about how horrible their spouse is while they are getting a lapdance? Fuck off with that shit.

Post # 63
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee

Lol more updates that makes me just scratch my head.  With you as his husband’s friend and with a husband acting like this–she’s better off divorced and away from this duo.  

Post # 65
Member
390 posts
Helper bee

Aquaria:  Denial: not just a river in Egypt. Like 200 people have said so far, you are the other woman in their marriage whether you realize it or not. Your friend’s behavior with you, and his involvement of you in his relationship with his wife, is wildly inappropriate. Your enabling/encouraging your friend’s disrespectful and totally not-okay behavior toward this poor woman is also inappropriate.

If you are really committed to being his platonic friend and only his platonic friend (who has her own husband…) the only responsible and mature way to handle this is to not engage at all with his discussion of his wife and their problems. You also need to stop going on dates with him, for crying out loud. I suggest disengaging from your friend (who sounds like a real peach, by the way) entirely until he sorts out 1) his relationship with his wife, which you are clouding; and 2) his healthy, platonic friendship boundaries with other women, especially you.

Post # 66
Member
964 posts
Busy bee

I certainly hope you aren’t two-faced to her and being a polite and congenial to her face while partaking in trashing her behind her back.

I know it’s probably really hard to call him on his shit, which is what a real friend would do. So much easier to be the *cool girl* and commismerating with him that he didn’t get a *cool girl* like you for a wife. 

Post # 67
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Any comment i would have made on this thread has already been said like 50 times soooo….

Post # 68
Member
390 posts
Helper bee

If I had one additional comment, it would be that the first sentence of your post says everything that needs to be said. You say that their impending divorce is not a surprise to you, but you don’t think his wife sees it coming. Think about that for a minute. Does the fact that you know more about her marriage than she does seem weird or inappropriate to you? 

Post # 69
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

hyacinthblue:  Great comment. Couldn’t have said it better. 

Post # 71
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Aquaria:  So if you choose to go out with your husband and his friends are you the tagalong? Or are you exempt from that because you’re so chill and not a bitch? 

Post # 72
Member
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Aquaria:  Wait, what? No. No one is telling you to step in and interfere here. Most are advising you to take a step back and tell your friend to stop confiding in you when it comes to personal matters with his relationship. Don’t allow him to use you as a shield, as others have suggested. That doesn’t mean you need to end your friendship with him, just set some boundaries! What he is doing is inappropriate. Period. Put your foot down and be the bigger person here.

Post # 74
Member
2466 posts
Buzzing bee

I think your “platonic friend since the 9th grade” is kind of a skunk. And I also think his mental set is very 9th grade appropriate.

Placing yourself in her position, what would YOU want someone to say to YOUR husband?

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by Profile Photo ann.reid.9277.

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