(Closed) Friend Dating Someone Who Hurt Me (Long)

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
860 posts
Busy bee

amanda3334455:  Actually, if he had “hit on her” successfully and ended up sleeping with her he could be tried for rape, because he was her coach and in a position of power over her. So yeah, he did do something wrong – he tried to rape a high schooler. This guy is a predator and a creep. 

Post # 17
2425 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I wouldn’t invite her. I know she is a friend but if she knew what happened to you and this guy she wouldn’t have dated him in the first place. 

Post # 18
2969 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

So for someone that has been in a similar situation to what youre going through now, you need to tell your friend. You may lose this friend, she may not believe you and continue to see him which will be the end of your friendship, BUT you can at least speak your truth and move on.

In college our neighbor was a popular baseball player at my school. My roommates would hang out with him often but there was something about him that creeped me out. I was accused of being a bitch- you name it. One morning he was visiting my roommate (or so he said) and i woke up to him trying to get into my bed with only boxers on. Im a heavy sleeper and only knew he was there because leaned on my ankle trying to get into my bed. My roommates were not around. I freaked. He left. He told my roommate he came to the room to speak to her about a class and i went crazy on him. Another time he came up behind all of us at the bar and he stuck his hand up my dress while i was sitting at the bar. Again, i got accused of just having a vendetta against him. Next semester he was arrested for being a peeping tom on someone and then was arrested for sexual assault and rape of 2 or 3 girls from near his hometown. He was sweet as pie to the people that believed his lies and he never stopped trying to take control and get me back for seeing through him since day 1.

For a long time i was an outcast. I still never got an apology, but i spoke my truth and stood up for myself so for that, i can sleep at night.

All you can do is tell this friend what happened and hope she listens. If she doesnt, then you have to let her go in order for you to move on. You cannot keep a friend that doesnt listen to u or trust u.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  MissJulianna.
Post # 19
234 posts
Helper bee

I disagree that you should just forget everything and invite her and possibly him in order to show your support as a friend for their relationship, as someone said. He is absolutely a predator who abused his power and you were left feeling uncomfortable. There is NO need to invite him in to your life anymore. 

Personally I wouldn’t even invite her, and if she asks explain why. It’s not that you’re being a bad friend – you’re just trying to protect yourself from him (physically and emotionally, you don’t even want to be thinking of him!!) Best of luck.

Post # 20
2776 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I wouldn’t invite her and I wouldnt give her an explanation unless she asked about it. 🙁 OP I’m sorry you’re going thru this. 

Post # 21
238 posts
Helper bee

amanda3334455:  I am with you on this, yes the guy was an arse , perhaps still is , but there  was no actual assault or anything and it has all been left  behind  now.

Frankly  my   dear OP , I don’t think you should give a damn. Invite her if  you want her , give her a plus one if you want to.  If you don’t want to do one or both of those things,   don’t.

Post # 26
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

You have no obligation to invite this man to your wedding. Don’t listen to anyone saying you ‘have to’ invite him, you don’t. He clearly still makes you uncomfortable and because of this he should play no part in your wedding, you are not in any way obliged to invite him. 

I do think your friend deserves the truth however about your reasons for not inviting him. That way she can come to her own conclusions and make an informed decision about whether or not she wishes to come alone or not at all. Try and be understanding if she decides not to come but don’t let it weigh on your mind any further. 

This is YOUR wedding. You want your loved ones there. This man is not a loved one. He doesn’t play a role in this day. 

Post # 27
640 posts
Busy bee

LadyKM:  I totally agree with this.

If you care about your friend, I would tell her what happened.  She deserves to know, and then the ball is in her court.  She may not believe you, so you have to be prepared for that, but I don’t know why you haven’t told her sooner about this.  You can’t tell her who to date, but she should be aware of what happened, and you should be totally honest with her in why you don’t want him at your wedding.

Post # 29
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

ShoeGal89:  Fair enough, it’s true that I don’t know the details of how he was behaving towards you and if he was being incredibly sleazy and it had such a deep impact on you then I would go with ”don’t invite either of them”. If you’re having a small wedding and this girl isn’t hugely close to you then I don’t think she will question the fact that you’re not inviting her.

Post # 30
1324 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

you don’t need to invite him or your friend. your day should not be burdened by this pettyness. 

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