(Closed) Friend didn't have to wait

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 31
Member
2569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

lesliesmithson:  Never ever ever would I have decided to start planning/day dreaming about my wedding before I was engaged.  I was afraid I would have jinxed it.  For that reason, I was so thankful I didn’t have to be a waiting bee. 

Post # 32
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Oh goodness. Even though my original post was 2 months ago, it seems this post has picked up again. And the prediction in my post has come true: women are arguing with each other about which way is right and which way is wrong.

There is no right or wrong way to be in a relationship (as long as no one is getting hurt and both people are on the same page) and there is no right or wrong way to get engaged. I know people who have been together for 40 years and only got married in their 60s for legal reasons. I know people that got married after 5 months of meeting each other and have been in marital bliss ever since. 

You want to wait for a surprise proposal from your SO? More power to you! Anticipation rocks and I, too, love surprises! You want to have a logical discussion with your SO and come to a conclusion together to get engaged? Great! So glad you guys were able to make that big decision together! You want to stay together forever and never get married / you want to get married after 6 months of dating / you want to plan your entire wedding before s/he pops the question? Good for you! You do you and I’ll do me and I’ll be happy/excited for you no matter what.

Now, please…stop all the arguing!! 

Post # 33
Member
7977 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

I’ll be honest…

– When one partner is desperate to get married and the other is not, I think that can be cause for concern, and needs to be something which is discussed openly, because it can cause resentment. That said, I think there are very solid reasons for delaying an engagement. People may want to be sure before they commit, or they may want to advance in their careers or save money first. It all seems very reasonable to me to wait for any number of years, as long as there is a sense of transparency about the life goals of both partners.

– I also think that very fast engagements can be cause for concern, because the couple do not know each other well enough to make that kind of commitment. Saying “it’s great- I got engaged within 6 months!” can mean that a person is desperate to get married because they are terrified to be alone, or because they want to be seen as more mature etc etc. I do know perfectly sensible people who had fast engagements, but they tended to have known their partners as friends beforehand (which will naturally speed up the process, as they know what they are getting) and also to be older. Slightly older people tend to be more financially stable and well enough established that money or career worries do not delay an engagement.

It is no surprise to me that most of my friends started to get married at around age 27+, whether they had been together with their partners for a longer or a shorter period of time at this point. It was finances and career which dictated the time of engagement in most cases… so I’m not sure that any sort of smugness is appropriate either way…

Post # 34
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Stanley Historic Space, Lee\'s Summit, MO

I never really wanted to “wait”. My fiance proposed about a week after our one-year anniversary. We had had talks about marriage in the months before, and we both kind of knew where our relationship was headed. We’re having a two-year engagement. I’m also 28 and since we both want a family, waiting any longer would probably not be that great!

Post # 36
Member
978 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

We were engaged within six months of dating. This post is kind of dumb. That would be like me saying I’m so glad my husband wanted to marry me and didnt take years to figure it out….See dumb right?

Post # 37
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Rachel631: This. Some could look at my engagement and say that I didn’t have to wait (we got engaged on our 1 year anniversary) but in some ways, we waited since we met each other in our late 20’s, early 30’s. 

Do what works for you and your relationship!

Post # 38
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

Yeah, I think that for a good group it is just dictated by where you are in your life. People in college are likely to “wait” longer than people who meet at age 27…Just saying, I met my Fiance when I was 26 and we are getting married 6 days after I turn 28. Seems fairly normal, really. I did wait, but only for a blink of an eye and it was more that he started talking marriage and rings in august and didnt propose until december.

Post # 39
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Loft

MissCaraMia:  Also ludacris is a rapper. 

 

I.just.died. 

You said a lot of beautiful and valid things, but that took the cake. Nothing better than an intelligent woman with a sense of humor. 

Post # 40
Member
336 posts
Helper bee

lesliesmithson:  I can totally understand where you are coming from! I guess I’m a “Waiting Bee.” I actually love the suspense of it all. I’m perfectly content with that title, especially because my S/O had a lot of emotional baggage to overcome from a previous relationship. I’m enjoying this moment in my life, because I know once I get that ring on my finger, everything in my life is going to change.

Post # 41
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Fiance and I knew we wanted to get married from early on, but we had to “wait” until I finished school, we both got full time jobs in our fields, and had all of our ducks in a row before getting engaged. We are now at the point where he has the ring and he is just waiting for the right time to formally propose. The exicitement is killing me! So in a sense, I know what you are talking about OP. I’m sort of “waiting” for the formal romantic proposal but we are pretty much already engaged, so at the same time, I’m not really “waiting”.

Post # 42
Member
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I don’t know what to make of people that get engaged early on in their relationships.    In one way it seems a romantic notion but on the other hand you are just getting to know this other person. 

One of my close friends got engaged to her husband six months after meeting him.  Since she lives in a different area then me I never got a chance to meet him before the wedding and what I knew of him was from what my friend said.

When I first meet him which was a week before the wedding I felt a since of unease with him.  I thought he seemed nice, she was in love etc.   Yet there was something not adding up for me. 

Then three years after their wedding and with twins later,   I went and visited my friend.    Their twins were two years old.  My friend saw me she wanted to hit the clubs like we did back in the good old days.   Dancing and having a drink or two.

All I can say is,  her husband was super pissed that he was left alone for four or five hours with the kids.  While she went out for a good time. She has the kids nearly 24/7.   She did nothing wrong we just danced and drank.  In fact she told me it was a long time before the twins were thought about that she even got to go out for a good time.   

She texted me saying when she got back home, he accused her of cheating!   He snatched her phone and when he saw a number he had no idea about he said it was some guy’s number.   (It was the number of one of her co-workers).  Even accusing her of sleeping with someone else because she refused to have sex five months after having a C-section. 

Funny thing was when we got to a nightclub this guy’s family was there already.  

I don’t know it’s not my relationship,  I think my friend was lonely depressed and didn’t think anyone would be interested in her.  Along came this guy and he proposed she jumped at the chance.  

This guy saw that my friend was gorgeous, sweet and had a great steady career,   while he wasn’t the most attractive of men, had a paycheck to paycheck job and most likely couldn’t find anyone else that would put up with him so he proposed to her.   

All I can say is every relationship is different,  though I am always weary when someone gets engaged to early on in their relationship. 

Post # 43
Member
505 posts
Busy bee

lesliesmithson:  I didnt wait at all either and It didnt make me miss anything, I was actually enged a year befor even dating him lol. We were best friends and I didnt know at the time he was in love with me for 2 years waiting for and glimps I felt the same. We made a pack that if neither was married by 33 we would in fact marry each other. A year later I finally realized how he really felt and we jumped into a serious relationship well knowing we were getting married, 2 mths into our relationship it came out to friends and family offically and on Easter I got my ring!!!!! I dont feel cheated at all and I think that some people can do with out the waiting part as to where others feel a need to have it! I say to each there own! 🙂

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