(Closed) Friend Discussed My Personal Issues with His Girlfriend

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Wow, Im sorry he betrayed your trust like that. I agree that it was totally inapproporiate to say anything about it to anyone.

I do think that you should at least tell him why your are avoiding his calls and such. If you have been friends for that long, I think you should give him the opportunity to appologize, even if you dont want to talk to him after that.

 

Post # 4
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Most people tell their SO’s everything. It’s expected. If you didn’t want her to know, you shouldn’t have told him. My husband and I tell each other everthing, and I expect the same of my friends.

Post # 5
Member
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@crayfish: I think the fact that she told him so long ago and the fact that it has nothing to do with the current situation make it totally inappropriate

Post # 6
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@HoneyBear: Ditto. That was really inappropriate and you’re justified in wanting to end the friendship, but given there is such a long history there, giving closure seems like the classy thing to do.

Post # 7
Member
348 posts
Helper bee

@crayfish: It sounds like the OP shared this information ten years ago, so possibly before her friend had even met his current girlfriend.

OP, I think you are right to be upset.  It is a pretty bad move for your friend not only to tell his girlfriend, but to bring it up IN FRONT OF YOU when it is obviously private information.  Personally, I would write a letter to tell him why you are so upset.  If he is really, really apologetic and sincerely regrets his actions, then maybe the friendship can be salvaged.  Or maybe not–maybe it’s too much.  But make sure that you are ending it because of him, not because you now feel too embarrassed to be around his girlfriend.

Post # 8
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think you should email him with the honest reason why you want to end the friendship. You’re completely justified, and letting him know what he’s done wrong is the best idea, IMO.

Post # 10
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I don’t want this to come out wrong, but I think that you’re overreacting just a little. To cut someone out of your life FOREVER who was like a brother to you because he told his girlfriend who he’s in a committed relationship with, something that he didn’t realize was a secret? It seems a little extreme to me. I am in no way defending him. He shouldn’t have said it…that was very rude. You are justified in being hurt. I think that he wasn’t thinking it all the way through and didn’t really understand how hurt you’d be by the comment. He might not have realized how incredibly private that matter was to you. If you’re going to cut him out of your life, then that’s totally your decision to make, but I think this is the kind of situation that could be worked on and eventually your relationship repaired. The fact that you haven’t even told him that he hurt you, means he hasn’t even had a chance to apologize (because why apologize for something you didn’t know you did?).

Post # 11
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@mg1363: You know, I agree with this. I don’t want to be judgmental because I really see how upset OP is, but I find myself wondering if there is a little more to this situation because I find the reaction to be a little severe.

Post # 12
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

As someone who’s blurted out a few things I didn’t mean to over the years, I would at least explain and give him a chance to apologise.  

I have been horrified to hear things come out of my mouth, the second they left I realize they should not have been said.  

It was very very wrong for him to bring up such a thing, and I am not defending him, but give him a chance to try and make it up to you.

Post # 13
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would be very upset also, he probably should have known that he shouldn’t tell this too anyone.

On the other hand I know that SOs tell eachother everything, I am not saying that it is ok, but it happens.

I think you should tell him why you do not want to be friends. I know that I had a friend once, and all of a sudden she would not speak to me, and she would not tell me why. I really really have no clue why she didn’t want to be friends with me. I wish she had told me why, because currently I think that she just wanted to be a B for no reason whatsoever. I loved her (in a friend type of way) and would have never done anything intentionally to hurt her. I am sad that she would just not talk to me. But oh well, I guess our friendship didn’t mean enough to her to talk about what bothered her.

Post # 15
Member
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@mg1363: I agree while the friend was rude blurting that out like that, to stop being his friend over it after 20 years of friendship is ridiculous and to not even let him know why is just mean, a lot meaner than what he did.

His friendhip obviously doesnt mean much to you at all, goodness if I dumped a friend over a silly outburst I prob wouldn’t have too many left.

Post # 16
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@hgiog: My first instinct to explain his childish behavior was that he has feelings for you. Regardless, I think you need to talk to him about it. People make mistakes and say things they wish the hadn’t. In my opinion, the true test of character is how people deal with their mistakes/whether they are good at communicating and respect you enough to apologize when necessary and do what they need to to make the situation right again. 

Even if you do decide to cut him out of your life, you owe it to yourself to get closure on this situation.

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