(Closed) Friend doesn’t approve of our marriage

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I’m sorry you have to go through that! I didn’t expect everyone to be supportive of me and my FI’s engagement since I’m 22 and we’ve only been together 5 months. From the outside, it sounds irresponsible on some level, but anyone who knows me and my Fiance knows that we are the ultimate in responsibility! We’re "boring" for young people, you might say. 🙂 Anyway, there is one friend of mine who vehemently disagrees with our engagement because, and I quote, "You don’t know what you want." Nice. Long story, but we dated five years ago, he told me he was gay not too long afterwards, and doesn’t understand why it’s been difficult to be his friend! Needless to say, it’s a sticky situation. I haven’t confronted him about it yet because I’m trying to give him time to accept it. It might just be a matter of time for you and your Fiance to "prove" to this guy that you’re in it for the long haul. If he doesn’t accept you and your Fiance as a couple, he’s ultimately going to be short a friend or two. Hang in there, and good luck!

Post # 4
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

My ex’s best friend (since highschool) did not appove at all of our marriage and my ex said Jason was always jealous when something good happened to him. I ended up finding out much later that his reasoning was because he didn’t think my ex was going into things for the right (or even good) reasons and that he thought I deserved better.

It turned out that he was correct and the point is I wish I would have sat down and spoke with him prior. You will find out exactly his fears, WHY and while you might not convince him, it could be an opportunity for you to develop more of a friendship/understanding with him.

Turns out sometimes the people closest to us can see things we can’t. And you can’t please everyone all the time.

Post # 5
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

All of the disapprovals we had were general disapprovals to marriage – not to ours in particular. Though I do agree that it is upsetting, he has a right to his own opinion and in the end it does not affect your marriage.  I’d do my best to ignore it and focus on all of the happy planning!

Post # 6
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

That’s very unfortunate that they simply cannot be happy for you! Their answers do not sound anything worth taking to heart, either. The fact that you are "too young" (junk in my opinion, 26 is just fine!) and he is "too old" for you is ridiculous. Those are not legitimate reasons to put down on a friends’ wedding! Maybe they are jealous or something weird. If your good friend was maybe trying to sit you down and say, "you know I don’t think he treats you well and here is why" I’d say maybe you owe it to them to listen, say thanks, and move on. But c’mon. Brush it off your shoulder and think about your wonderful wedding that you get to plan!!!!

Post # 7
Member
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I would pay attention to the people who know you both best.  If there are multiple people close to you both saying the same thing, then I’d definitely examine the situation more deeply… but when it’s one bitter guy who doesn’t even know you, I’d let it go!

This is probably more of a reflection of him than anything else…

Post # 8
Member
596 posts
Busy bee

I wouldn’t worry about a "friend" like that.  Don’t let anyone ruin such a happy time in your life!  He’s not even worth a second thought.

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