Friend doesn't think I make enough time for her…

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
866 posts
Busy bee

A real friend would try to understand your hectic schedule and accept you for you. I’m horrible at keeping in touch with people and work 7 days a week. While I’m sure my friends would love to hear more from me they don’t give me grief about how long its been when I am available.

Post # 3
Member
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

This is one reason why I’ve always refused to be friends with people who didn’t have to work. Generally, they don’t seem to understand that work is where food comes from. She is family, so that’s a little more difficult. 

I see three options:

Calmly explain to a grown ass woman that jobs are a thing and if you don’t work you will die. 

Go off/snap that jobs are where food/shelter comes from, and see if she suddenly becomes sane. 

Stop hanging out with her. 

 

You can not make her be reasonable. You can not make bills accept well wishes and unicorn farts as payment. You are not obligated to be around unreasonable people outside of work and lines at the grocery store. You don’t have to hate her or anything like that, but if you are living in two different realities you might not be a good match as friends. 

Post # 4
Member
1070 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

impatient1 :  Great post!

 

SittingWaitingWishing :  I think your friend is being unreasonable.  I’m a teacher and I coached volleyball and during season, I didn’t see any of my friends.  Now that I have a baby, I see them even less.  One of my friends is a nurse and dropped down to PRN status, which meant she only worked like 3 days a month, and she would get upset that we didn’t see each other that much.  Because I’ve known her for so long, we had a long talk about how I was feeling and it turned out she was just bored.  Maybe that’s the case with your friend too.  If you’re that close talk to her and tell her there’s just so many hours in a day.  If she doesn’t get it, well, then maybe you just need to distance yourself from her.

Post # 5
Member
4910 posts
Honey bee

Before injury I too worked similar hours with a hour (sometimes 1.5) commute and planning our wedding. I can’t imagine adding in a business. Nobody would have seen me for months! 

She’s being unreasonable. Remind her that SHE cancelled your last plans not you and ask her to take a look in the mirror. Plus all if she wants to come over at 11pm for tea because that’s when your done with all your work during the middle of the week until you sell your business and have the wedding. 

Post # 6
Member
4910 posts
Honey bee

Sorry typos again. You’re.*

Post # 7
Member
8832 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

SittingWaitingWishing :  Either she’s unreasonable and demanding, or she’s sad and misses you. I’m guessing the first, but in either case, I’d just agree with her. “You’re right, my life is pretty hectic right now and I don’t have the time to nurture this friendship. I wish I did. When things calm down a little, I’ll reach out and hope you have room in your life for me, but if you don’t I’ll understand. I’m glad we’ll always be family at any rate.” How she reacts to that will help you decide if you want to try again later or permanently move her from friend back to cousin-in-law.

Post # 10
Member
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I can totally sympathise and you’re not in the wrong. I found that keeping a paper diary was helpful, and when anyone does the “let’s meet up tomorrow!” thing, I open the diary in front of them and turn through each page till I find the first date that’s free – usually 5/6 weeks ahead. After a few “can’t you do any time sooner?”s, they generally get the hint that I work on a 4 week minimum notice!

Post # 11
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee

She sounds exhausting!!! I have a friend like that and I’ve had to distance myself from her. 

Post # 12
Member
12128 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

She sounds sounds immature and high maintenance. Honestly, the way she is carrying on says a lot about her. Since she’s family it may be time for a discussion about expectations. I’d tell her that you value the relationship but in view of the current demands on your time unfortunately they are unrealistic. It’s hurtful to be made to feel guilty and put on the defensive. 

If you want to throw a bone you can say it doesn’t mean you care about her any less. When you do get together you feel like no time has passed. 

Post # 13
Member
7905 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It sounds like she has too much time on her hands. I doubt she is able to maintain many (?any) friendships with her attitude and demands. You’re not wrong. 

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