(Closed) Friend doesn’t think I should plan without a ring

posted 12 years ago in Waiting
Post # 47
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

@Circus Peanut – My husband & I did things the same way as you.  He asked “Will you marry me?” but it was only after we had had a frank discussion of what this step would mean in our lives.  It was low key and we had no ring.  We were engaged for one month before we told our families and it was another two months before we had a ring (we ended up being able to use my grandmother’s ring because we waited on the ring!).  But I was dress shopping, we were looking at venues, we were discussing what type of reception we wanted.  We were engaged!

Most people seemed to understand that, but it was funny when I did eventually show up at work with the ring on.  Everyone freaked out, but I had told them all ages before!  Made me laugh.

Post # 48
2492 posts
Buzzing bee

The ring is an outward material symbol. It holds no powers and doesn’t make you engaged. The promises you and your significant other made to each other do that. By your friend’s logic, nearly all women throughout history, including their own grandmothers and even women today who don’t have much money, should not be married because they didn’t have an official engagement ring. Alot of those women didn’t even receive a wedding ring either. Do what works for you and block out her narrowminded misinformation. 

Post # 50
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Its one thing to have never even talked about marriage with your fi and to be planning and another to talk about it and actually be planning it with him.  Me and my Fi talked about it a long time I had already chosen a few people to be in the wedding and my color scheme by the time we actually got engaged. People would tell us we already where just by how we talked.

Post # 51
3952 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am with you, Circus Peanut, on the not 100 percent feeling engaged until the ring is there.  Until it’s landed.

You can do what I’ve already done.  We know approximately when and what season we’re marrying and my sis and I have already had multiple planning sessions and we have everything designed already.  All we need to do is fill in the blanks with the venue and the city and then with the vendors we’ll need for that place.

You can decide colorscheme, bm dresses,  aisle style, even receptions style.  All of it.  But as I’ve told my sis and everybody, I am not putting any $ down until the ring has landed (we’ll both be going in together for the wedding financially, equally too). 

I am a traditionalist.  I understand too how you feel and I think it’s fine to be telling everybody when you think it will happen and that its a mutual understanding.  Lord I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve said that to friends! 

I’d just get as much design planning out of the way now and then just run with it when he gives your your sparkly left hand friend!

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