Post # 1
So let me start out by saying that I’m not even engaged yet, but I’m hoping it will be soon. I have a friend who I have been friends with since the 4th grade. We went through a period when I first started dating my boyfriend where we both didn’t talk to each other (it had nothing to do with my relationship). A few years ago we started talking again. I went out with her a while back and we were talking about getting married and all that good stuff. And here’s the thing: She told me that she expects to be my maid of honor and since I’ve known her for so long it would be kind of messed up if she wasn’t. She considers me her best friend and I consider her one of mine but not THE best. But I don’t want her to be my maid of honor! I’ve already actually picked out a friend I met in college, told her she was going to be my maid of honor, and I still want her to be. She’s very good friends with both my and my boyfriend. If my 4th grade friend was my maid of honor I just know she would be super critical of everything and expect me to spend a ton of money on my wedding. Plus I consider my college friend THE best friend. My question is when I do become engaged how do I break this news to the 4th grade friend? I’m thinking about saying since the college friend is good friends with both me and my boyfriend we want her to be the maid of honor but I know if I do that she’ll go into some spiel about how I’m supposed to pick the maid of honor based on my friends, etc, etc. She’s going to be a braidsmaid, but I just don’t know how to tell her the news when the time comes.
Post # 3
@RoseyBee: Do you live in the same town? Or is she really busy? Maybe you could come up with some reason that it would make more sense to have the other girl without hurting her…
Post # 4
Too bad you didn’t tell her when you had that conversation. Unless that conversation was a long time ago, before you met your college friend,it would have been the ideal time to tell her. She would have had some time to get used to the idea instead of still expecting to be your Maid/Matron of Honor.
I don’t think you need to give a reason when you ask her to be a bridesmaid. Just ask her.
If she comes right out and asks her why she isn’t Maid/Matron of Honor, tell her that you treasure your friendship and have chosen her as a bridesmaid because of that.
Post # 5
I wouldnt worry about this stuff until you are engaged. Unless her potential Maid/Matron of Honor status comes up regularly in conversation, odds are she wont ask when you do ask her to be a bridesmaid.
Post # 6
Why not have a Maid/Matron of Honor and Matron of Honor? Ask her to be Maid/Matron of Honor and your college friend MatronOH then both are happy.
And I agree with PP, don
t worry about this until youre actually engaged
Post # 7
I agree with KarenA, if you can do that.
But here’s the other thing, real friends just want to support you. If you wind up making her a bridesmaid, then she should be very happy for the gesture even if it makes her a little bummed. If she gets upset and throws her weight around, then she’s not a real friend.
I also agree with Julies, if you are in the position where it comes up again, be truthful about it. It will soften the blow after you are engaged so that you can just focus on you and your fiance’s big news and not her feelings.