- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
Regular poster going undercover….
The time is approaching to officially choose/ ask my bm’s (because my wedding is across the country, I want everyone to plan + save up with a lot of time).
Of course my only sister will be my Maid/Matron of Honor. Since Fiance has only one brother, he will be his best man.
My 2 best friends are aware that my wedding is across the country, but have over a year to plan + save. I would Love to have them both as bm’s because we have been through it all together.The problem is friend #1 is the opposite of friend #2.
Friend #1 is so polite and kind hearted and responsible, thoughtful, sensible, well mannered ect.
Friend #2 is really sweet and has never intentionally hurt anyone. But she has bad manners, she’s really flaky/ fickle (but we always let it go, and I’ve only called her out once- to no avail). She is always really late for lunches/ shopping ect- no reason- just because. She breaks plans at the last minute- just because. But especially when it came to friend #1’s wedding we were both attendants, she broke every rule in the book. At the last minute said she wasn’t going to the rehearsal dinner because she was tired. Which she had rsvp’d her super-rude bf for as well. Our friend said she needed to go because it is the rehearsal. Then she did end up going without him, but then friend #1’s Future Sister-In-Law called her out about how rude it was that she showed up late to her best friend’s rehearsal, and then without her other half because there was a place setting for him too- to which my friend said to me “wow, that girl is bossy and rude.” (and she still was going to ask to take a plate for her absent bf but I stopped her). She showed up 2 hours late to help with centerpieces, put off getting her dress until the day before- which I ended up supplying because I had an extra one which she never paid me for even though I have asked her- She didn’t have any jewelry but luckily I had an extra set with me. I didn’t know anyone at the wedding and she left me by myself to go sit with her bf and I was so upset and just awkward, but didn’t let it show and still made conversation with people at my table. But I wouldn’t have done that to her. Our friend saw how she left me and got up from the sweetheart-table to ask if I was ok and gave me a hug.
Anyways, I could go on and on. These are just incidents from our best friend’s wedding which makes me think she would take the same “approach/ disinterest” in my wedding thus creating extra stress for me. It just seems like she “didn’t care” (even though we know she did), but it appeared that she put no effort into it.
As I said, she is sweet so I can’t imagine her acting like this on purpose, but then again she is not a little kid, so she should know what is acceptable and what’s not. (But then again, perhaps she is just clueless.)
love her to death- obviously or I wouldn’t be her friend after all these years.
—So NOW…I have to decide if I want her up there with me as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. She is the 3rd part of our friendship. People call us the “three musketeers” for the past 8 years because we do everything together. If she would act right, and I knew I could rely on her Of course! Plus- they won’t know anyone at my wedding so I would like them to do something together so they won’t be separated. But if I move the fickle friend to a hostess, then the polite friend would have to be one too when I really really want her as Bridesmaid or Best Man because I know she’ll pull through.
What do I do? I am wondering if I should talk to friend #2 (nicely) and let her know that alot of the time her behaviour is so gasp-worthy and that it comes across that she just doesn’t care. Should I even do that? And if I do…should I say that is the main reason why I am reluctant to have her as a BM?
Seriously, I am fine if it is only my sister and my FI’s brother up there with us. But having my 2 best friends up there too is what I envisioned (without the complications).
Can you offer any insight or suggestions on how to handle this? Thank you.