(Closed) Friend from high school sent me a weird message

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015

it sounds to me like maybe her anger is a little displaced. like she’s upset about the break up and taking it out on you. that’s not ok at all! 

Post # 3
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

She sounds like the type of woman who gives vague cryptic remarks as a cue for others to pry the details out of her. You thought you were being respectful, she wanted you to play your role of sympathetic friend so she could star as center of attention. She’s a grown woman and shouldn’t play coy games like this- if she wanted to talk to you about this she should have been clear. You did nothing wrong, but I think you have outgrown this self-absorbed ‘friend’.

Post # 4
Member
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

Ignore her and move on. Why do you give her the time of day when she obviously treats you like crap?! Just because you were once good friends doesn’t mean that you are now. People change, life happens, and that’s ok. Put effort into the friends that support and respect you!!

Post # 5
Member
4239 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

She’s a toxic friend.  You can live without her.  Does it suck?  Yes.  Will you miss her?  Probably not.

Post # 6
Member
7456 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
dalia88:  Honestly, I think you’re putting too much energy and thoughts into someone who clearly doesnt’ seem to be that important of a friend. If she was, y’all would have stayed in touch. In her defense, it’s really hard to tell the tone of coversations via text/typing when you can’t hear the expression behind it. Obviously you didn’t mean it in a rude way, but that’s how she took it. Either way, I’d apologize for any slight she might have taken to your comment and move on from the friendship. You don’t leave near each other, and so honestly I just don’t see the point in getting worked up over it. 

Post # 7
Member
9151 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
dalia88:  I just wouldn’t respond at all. I don’t have time for people like that.

Post # 8
Member
47430 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
dalia88:  I don’t think there is a right or wrong here. She obviously misinterpreted your comment as making fun of her for dating someone from high school. Apologize, explain that wasn’t your intent and leave it at that.

 

Post # 9
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

She sounds like a difficult, dramatic person, but at the same time, it WAS mean for you to say it’s “funny” that she dated and broke up with someone from HS. That is not funny like at all, so I understand why she was put off by it. She probably just sent the smiley because she felt awkward and didn’t know what to say back. All in all, though, it doesn’t sound like you have a very good friendship with her. Why not just send back a quick apology and then let the friendship lie?

Post # 10
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Just explain your side of it like you did here. Tell her you’re sorry if you upset her by not asking for more details, but you were just trying to be respectful. No one likes to talk about a failed relationship if they don’t want to, so just say you were trying not to pressure her and that if she needs someone to talk to about this, you’re there for her. Obviously the whole “that’s funny” thing was just misinterpreted on her end, and you should explain that.

But overall she sounds like a very hot and cold friend. I would probably just apologize and not make any effort to maintain the friendship, but if she is someone you want to have in your life, then at some point you need to talk to her about how selfish she’s been.

Post # 11
Member
822 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
dalia88:  She says you’re an ‘idiot’ for not finding her and you say her relationship is ‘funny’ but there isn’t enough communication between you or time spent together to get away with talking to each other like that. That sort of banter is best kept for family or friends you see all the time. Especially not by text or FB.

To be fair she can’t expect you to pick up the pieces of her latest failed relationship when she hasn’t been in contact for months.

Also the way she treated you in high school was wrong and things haven’t improved massively now that you’re adults. I would send a quick sorry and then take a step back. As pps have said this isnt a very healthy friendship.

Post # 12
Member
296 posts
Helper bee

I agree with PP here. It sounds like she misinterpreted your response or is looking for a fight or is being very dramatic. I think it’s quite rude that she texted you “you’re an idiot.. It was so easy to find us!” Here is what I would do: either apologize in a short Facebook message, and don’t initiate contact again, like PP said, let the friendship lie. Or, don’t respond at all. 

It doesn’t seem like this is worth explaining on your part, unless you’re really invested in this friendship.

Post # 14
Member
2673 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Frenemy!

Post # 15
Member
2129 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

View original reply
dalia88:  I think you  should message her back informing her that wasn’t your intention and you misunderstood and thought she was joking. Also mention there’s no tone in typing so things can get taken out of context and you’d like to chat with her over the phone about it…and if she responds and you both talk then go into more detail about how you feel. If she doesn’t respond then let it go and don’t waste anymore time on this “associate” (I wouldn’t call her a friend).

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