(Closed) Friend going braless around hubby

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 31
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee

For me, this wouldn’t be about mistrusting my husband. This would be a matter of inappropriateness. I would feel uncomfortable whereas such a display around mixed company would generally be seen as inappropriate. Never mind my husband, I wouldn’t want to see it. It’s your home, bee, and you are allowed to set boundaries in it. In private, hand her a sweater and let her know her shirt is see through. For all you know, she may not even realize it.

Post # 32
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I don’t think the issue here should be the lack of bra, but rather that the shirt seemed too sheer. I can understand how that could make people uncomfortable. It’s a shame that we react this way to human bodies. Personally, I  would notice it, but not care. We all have nipples, and I trust my SO to not get turned on, and slather like a dog at every instance of nipplage he encounters.

But, I don’t understand how not wearing a bra is deemed “inappropriate”. I hate the idea that people can police my body, and what I do with my breasts. I am a C, and I often don’t wear bras. There have been days I haven’t worn bras to work, or to shopping. The biggest reason I wear bras is for my clothing to look better. I do not wear them to protect other peoples’ delicate sensibilities. I also don’t ever think that because I walk around braless that I am a walking sex object. And just because my breasts aren’t perky, or, heavens forbid, are bouncing, does it give anyone any right to make judgments. 

I realize a lot of these reactions are based on cultural experiences and expectations, but that doesn’t make them right.

 

Post # 33
Member
5158 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

This is really not something that would bother me.

If I said anything, it would only to make sure she was herself aware of how much was showing through her shirt. She may not be aware, and I know I personally would like to know if I was flashing my nipples unknowingly. 

But it would not be framed in a way about her choice not to wear a bra or because she was not wearing a bra around my husband.

Not everyone wants to wear a bra all the time, or ever, and I am not into policing other women’s undergarments.

If I really felt that insecure or worried about my husband around a braless woman in a t-shirt (which I am not), the issues would be much bigger than a friend not wearing a bra and be about (and between) me and my husband, and have nothing to do with my friend. My husband is a full grown respectful adult who does not turn into a slobbering puppy around a bit of nipple. I trust him even if he is in a hot tub full of naked woman so a friend being braless around him is not even a concern, and certainly not a reason for me to police a friend’s underwear.

Post # 34
Member
325 posts
Helper bee

So, she’s wasn’t wearing a bra before going to bed? And you want her to start wearing a bra when she’s around your husband? Yeah that’s a bit absurd. Loads of women do not wear bras before going to bed and it’d be ridiculous to expect her to wear a bra while she’s hanging around you guys especially before going to bed. Unless she’s twerking and flouncing around your house while your husband is around trying to get his attention, braless, say something. But if she’s just chilling around your house without a bra then your husband needs to control himself and not look at her. 

 

 

Post # 35
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

What is this, the 50s? It’s not against the law to go braless. I find it incredibly insecure and petty of women to police other women and what they wear.

So no, I wouldn’t say anything.

Post # 36
Member
7500 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Why does a female HAVE to wear a bra? Men have nipples too. Would you be complaining if a male friend wore a thin shirt and you could see his nipples?

Post # 37
Member
1440 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Oops, was it me? 

Sorry OP but at night, no bra is the style. I often try to find “company appropriate” shirts to wear if I’m going to be around in laws, friends, etc, but yeah, if it’s past dinner and we’re all in comfy clothes, no bra. 

Post # 38
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

Your home your boundaries. I would say something. My Fiance is a sexual man and would notice. He certainly wouldn’t act on it but a woman’s boobs being on display in front of him for anything not related to breast feeding would be enough to make me uncomfortable. Plus if that was me without a bra outside of my own home my ma would be ashamed -.-

Post # 39
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I think I’m in the minority here. I wouldn’t say anything. If someone wants to wander around my house without a bra on then good for them, you do you. Unless she was doing it deliberately to get a reaction. a nipple is a nipple. I trust my Fiance enough that I don’t have to tell other women to wear a bra. If men (or women) want to look at nipples then they can find them on the Internet anyway. 

I also don’t understand why women HAVE to wear a bra? 

Post # 41
Member
3481 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I think they are nipples, and both you and your husband have them and have seen them before. She probably didn’t realize the shirt was so thin, but oh well. They’re just boobs, and women go braless all the time. 

Try to laugh it off with your hubby later. 🙂

Post # 42
Member
11469 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’ve been told the reason men like to watch Friends is because Jennifer Aniston’s nipples always show. This was done deliberately throughout the show, so seems like it worked.

yes, straight men, even husbands, might be turned on by your friends nipples even if they don’t mean to be. But this happens all day long (see above).

If you feel your friend did this deliberately to entice your hubby, that’s a different story. But if she did it for comfort, meh. Bras hurt. 

Post # 43
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Though odd, especially if this is out of character, I wouldn’t say anything. 

Post # 44
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I’d give her some serious side eye, but I probably wouldn’t say anything. It depends on how she was acting. If she was flirty to your hubby & purposefully trying to get attention, I’d be pissed & maybe not invite her over again. But if you didn’t get that vibe, she probably was trying to be comfy. I personally would never run around someone else’s house bra-less with another man about, but not everyone cares I guess.

Post # 45
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee

futuremrsco :  Why just around men? I find the idea of dressing ‘appropriately’ around men a very dated concept.  If we say woman’s clothing causes men to stay then it’s not much further before you get ‘she was wearing a short skirt and small panties so it wasn’t rape’.

personally, I couldn’t care less. I’ve traveled with male friends and wandered around dorms bra less. No big deal. Why assume everything is sexual?

Now, if it’s just that the OP a feels that bra-less makes her feel awkward, then that’s fine and she’s more than entitled to raise it as a ‘I’m sure you’re just relaxing but I feel a bit awkward, could you wear a bra in common areas?’ But don’t bring husband into it, it has nothing to do with him, unless she believe he’s going to cheat because he’s seen part of a covered nipple, in which case she probably has bigger issues.

 

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