(Closed) Friend going braless around hubby

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 76
Member
3237 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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writersblock :  how exactly do you suggest we change it then? Because you seem to be saying women should just keep covering up for the sake of men. 

Regardless, lounging around the house with no bra on is not remotely comparable to being shirtless. 

Post # 77
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee

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texasgal747 :  Wow. You’d not invite somebody because she doesn’t wear a bra? 

Fine telling everyone was a bit attention seeker-y but massively judgey to police somebody’s underwear. 

Post # 78
Member
4329 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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DaisyBlossom :  ALL OF THIS! Thank you.

Post # 79
Member
51 posts
Worker bee

This would not bother me in the slightest so I would never say anything about it. I’m so surprised by some of the responses here.  I have lots of friends who go braless and have been to countless beaches where being topless is perfectly normal with my husband and didn’t think anything of it. 

Post # 80
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

if you could see your husband’s nipples through his shirt while you had company over would you care?

 

My personal belief is that:

-it’s not my responsibility to make sure you don’t find something sexually attractive. it’s like when I read articles about women wearing bikinis and “being stumbling blocks” or whatever. Girl if your man control himself ain’t nobody to blame but him

-nipples are not genitals therefore any situation in which it would be appropriate for a man’s nipple to be exposed I see no reason why women’s should be considered taboo. specific to your situation: nipple through a shirt is not any bigger deal on your friend than they would be on your husband

-how little do you think of your friend that you’d assume her shirt was in any way intended to be sexual

-how little do you think of your husband that you think he couldn’t control himself at the sight of a clothed nipple

if she is a guest in your home, she should be comfortable. if being braless makes you uncomfortable, then you need to make it a precedent throughout your house. As in, you should wear a bra too around her so as not to offend her, and to not arouse your husband in front of the guests.

 

Post # 81
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee

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mrsginger :  All of this. It’s not like it was flaunting genitals  

if somebody (male or female) can’t see part of another person (male or female) without feeling the need to stray then they have issues. 

Post # 82
Member
769 posts
Busy bee

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DaisyBlossom :  I’m not saying women shouldn’t do it, I’m saying doing it won’t end patriarchy. Huge difference. 

Post # 84
Member
769 posts
Busy bee

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carolinabelle :  as a pp said – education. An awful lot of assumptions seem to be made about my own personal feelings on this topic. I think women should be able to be naked/showing a nipple/whatever-the-heck without being sexualised or objectified but the reality is that we are in a culture where that very rarely happens. I don’t see how pretending otherwise helps anything. 

Post # 85
Member
321 posts
Helper bee

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writersblock :  couldn’t have said it better.

OP, I would say something like, “oh goodness I can see through your top! Let me get a dressing gown for you to wear. I hope you don’t mind me mentioning it but I’d be so embarrassed if it was me and you didn’t tell me.” Framing it in that way makes it much more friendly and less awkward.

Post # 86
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee

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writersblock :  It wouldn’t end patriarchy on its own. But it does raise questions about the accepted assumptions about the female body that a lot of people don’t want to challenge (as proven by how many posts on the Bee go on endlessly about making men ‘stumble’, not dressing attractively, modesty etc). 

Post # 87
Member
2673 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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sweetb4 :  “I rather not see women going braless, with or without my husband.”

why?

Post # 88
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Not to crap on you OP but I LOATHE when women act like this. We need to teach men that every woman is not here on this earth for their pleasure.  I remember being a little girl and being “policed” because my skirt was a little too short and my hips were a little to hippy.

Sorry OP but if you were my friend and you approached me about my body when I’ve done nothing but exist in my skin, you would get an EARFUL from me.

Not to rant but this type of mentality is why rape culture still exists. We never hold men accountable. SMH.

Post # 89
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

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writersblock : So you totally think women should have the right to think about or abstractly consider displaying their bodies in “unapproved” ways without being objectified BUT if they actually do it, they should be policed/should accept the judgement of others (like you–you said you’d “be bothered” by this woman’s behavior in post #61) because we live in a crappy culture and so they are ultimately at fault because they have to be “aware of how [they are] coming across in this context” (again, your post #61).  I’m afraid this doesn’t make much sense to me.  Perhaps you can clarify?

Indeed, would you care to elaborate on just what sort of education that doesn’t involve forcing our culture to confront “unapproved” presentations of the bodies it is objectifying and policing is going to effectively challenge and change said culture?

Post # 90
Member
769 posts
Busy bee

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DaisyBlossom :  getting naked raises assumptions about the female body? How? Naked women are everywhere. 

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