(Closed) friend got engaged after only a couple of months…

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3078 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I feel you on this for sure.  My friend proposed to this girl after dating her only a few months.  Mind you, during that few months she cheated on him multiple times and went absolutely off-the-wall nutso on him.  He proposed to her on the 4th of July.  I haven’t even talked to him since then.  I don’t know what I’d say.

It sounds like your friend is just desperate to get married for whatever reason.  I’m sorry you’re feeling so frustrated.  Personally I think it’s better to date for a few years before getting engaged.  I’ve been with my Fiance for almost 5 years and we’re STILL getting to know each other!

Post # 4
Member
1294 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Awe! Do not be frustrated! You are lucky that you are going to be the one who gets engaged once and is SURE that you will make it to the alter! 

Support your friend and when you finally get engaged you will be so happy about your situation! 

I understand your frustration though, letting that go is difficult when you want to be engaged and friends around you are getting engaged first.. good luck!

Post # 5
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Just keep reminding yourself that an engagement is not a marriage. Focus on your relationship and make sure that you are both working together to establish the foundation for a loving, lasting, fulfilling marriage. She may be planning a wedding, but you are planning and laying the groundwork for a lifelong marriage. Which would you rather have?

Post # 6
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@cmeeks:  Engaged after 2 months? That’s a bit scary. Your relationship sounds like it’ll go the distance, not hers. I’d just try to keep remembering that your bf told you he will marry you… and a year and a half isn’t *that* long. I’d say you’re in a much better position than she is. She sounds like she loves attention and is one of those friends. I’d try to be happy for her but not spend too much time worrying about it.

Post # 7
Member
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I wouldn’t be jealous of someone who keeps getting engaged and not married.

Post # 8
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@cmeeks:  my dear, my Darling Husband didn’t propose to me until almost 4 years into our relationship. 1.5 years is nothing to me ahahahha!! that being said, I completely understand where you’re coming from, and would totally feel exactly the way you do about the previous engagements.

@CaliHoya: exactly.

Post # 9
Member
3421 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

Nah. I say good riddence…She’s obviously not in the right state of mind. This chick has been engaged twice and now again after only a few months. I call BS. Who does this?! I mean…How can you commit to spending the rest of your life with someone and you haven’t even been with them for a year?!

I mean, I really do not feel that you get to know the REAL person you are with until year 3 and then 6 months of living together. THEN you know who that person is. and you can make an informed decision about whether you want to spend your LIFE with them.

I say, to Hey with this chick and focus on your own relationship. don’t judge yourself to someone else’s standards and get to know this person you want to wed.

I am finding i have a prejudice against people who rush to get engaged after less then a year together. SLOW DOWN. DO you even KNOW this person? You don’t know who the heck they are.

It’s like Chris Rock said: for the first 6 months of the relationship you are dealing with that persons representative!

Post # 10
Member
8472 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

No, you are not a bad person at all.  Honestly, I think she’s crazy to accept a proposal that early.  Chances are she’ll (or he’ll) call off this one too.  How on earth do you know someone after 2 months!?

Post # 11
Member
1402 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Hang in there!  Your SO told you he was going to marry you, which is really awesome!  I know it’s hard when people you know get engaged before you and you’ve been with your SO longer than they have, but it sounds like you’ve got a good head on your shoulders and a great guy by your side.

Post # 14
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I dont think theres anything wrong with being upset. FI’s brother and his Girlfriend were together for 8 years and Fiance and I got engaged before them (2 years together) future BIL’s Girlfriend was upset and I think she had a right to be upset but she was also happy for us. If its true and she makes it to the altar this time you can only support her and be happy for her, however like a PP said “I wouldn’t be jealous of someone who keeps getting engaged and not married” its so true because it sounds like you and your Fiance have something real and that makes you happy but if going from these different guys is what makes her feel good about herself thats okay too.

Post # 15
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

@cmeeks:  There are always exceptions to the rule, so I will not make broad generalizations. But I will say that I have seen 3 friends rush to engagement and “I do.” All 3 were divorced within 1 year, with the emotional, financial, and (sometimes) physical scars to prove that they did not know the guy well enough and never should have married him.  But they are all very headstrong, impulsive women, and the best thing to do when they’ve made up their mind is to stay out of their way and help them pick-up the pieces on the flip side. After seeing the messes they’ve made for themselves, I can honestly say that I did better being single and/or taking it slow in a relationship than they ever did by rusing blindly into a wedding. Maybe your friend will do better than mine did. I hope she does. But if it all goes to pot, just be there to help her pick-up the pieces. Sometimes that’s all you can do.

 

Note… if she is not headstrong like my friends, don’t be afraid to speak up and gently voice your concerns. Ask her thoughtful questions to get her brain churning. Maybe you can nudge her in the direction of slowing down.

Post # 16
Member
37 posts
Newbee

I can understand why you are jealous — I have been with my bf for 4 years now and he is planning on proposing this Fall. However, my friend who has been only with her bf for less than a year just got engaged this past month. I was hoping that I would be the first to be engaged in my group, but that’s ok. It’s not a race or a competition. Rushing into marriage is not a good idea, it’s a life long committment that many do not take seriously nowadays. 

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