Post # 1
I’m a June bride and I have been having lots of friend guilt lately. Both about inviting people to the wedding I wanted to but didn’t have the room for and friends I didn’t ask to be in my BP, but I think wanted to be.
For the latter part, I have many close-ish friends and probably could have asked 9 girls to be BMs, but I really wanted to keep BP small because of cost and to avoid drama. I have 4 women in my BP. I think I rubbed a few friends the wrong way by doing this. I have a friend who keeps volunteering to help with bridal stuff and for awhile I felt like it was a dig to try to get me to ask her to be in the wedding. I could have been taking it to heart though. Now, however, since it’s so closer to the wedding I think she knows she’s not, but is upset. She is moving out of town and ironically might not even attend my wedding. I asked her and a few other friends I wanted to ask to be a BM, to do a reading because I wanted them to be involved and I want readings apart of the ceremony. Two of the three accepted and are very excited/honored while she didn’t say a thing about it. However, I know she is moving and may not be able to commit to that.
It was really hard for me to not broach the subject of them not being in the WP and say I’m sorry and I still love them, but know that’s been talked about on the bee as the kiss of death. I did mention when I asked to do readings that I really wanted them to be involved and wanted to spare them the job of a BM which I never liked doing. I know, a cop out, but I couldn’t help it. I just hope it doesn’t hurt or ruin our friendship.
I’m curious if any bees have friend guilt and how do you handle it?
Post # 2
Honestly, if not asking someone to be your BM means cost of a friendship or hurt feelings, people need to give their head a shake. (Not you, them)
I personally did not have any issues with people being distant after not asking them, and am not having issues with Bridal Party.<br /><br />Two things i have learned while planning wedding is A) dont have expectations B) dont sweat the small stuff. If someone is going to distant them from you because you didnt ask them to be in your party, they need a hobby.
Post # 3
I had people literally ask if they could be bridesmaid, ask my fiance’ why they aren’t bridesmaids, and a few I wish I would have asked but didn’t want to burden them with it. I’m also a June bride and in less than three months it’ll be over, they’ll move on, and if they are actual friends, they will still be friends. Asking them to read is a nice gesture. They might be hurt, but there’s no reason they should stop being friends over it, I wouldn’t worry about it too much. We’re doing a B list for all the people we want to invite but don’t have room for. Many know they are on the B list and have been very understanding and would love to come regardless.
Post # 4
I felt bad the moment I asked my good friend if her daughter could be my flowergirl. For some reason, I had just written her off as not wanting to be involved in the bridal party. I don’t know why, either. She introduced me to some of my best friends here, one who is a bridesmaid, and she’s always been so good to me. So when I called and started to ask, I could hear her get excited thinking I was going to ask her to be a bridesmaid, and then I blurted out that I’d love for her daughter to be the flower girl.
And ever since then, I feel like I’ve given her this horrible message of “you’re just not quite special enough” and that’s anything but the truth.