Friend having a hard time with husband over other men and trust

posted 9 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee

pitstop87 :  it’s ok to be supportive of your friend. However, keep in mind that your hearing her side as she’s describing the situation to you. He may be open to working on things but not in necessarily her way. They should keep communicating and she should try taking the initiative to spice things up if she’s bored. 

Post # 17
Member
482 posts
Helper bee

If he won’t go with her to counseling, she should go alone.  Just going to a couples therapist by herself for a while might make him realize his marriage is in trouble and he needs to participate in a soluiton.  He might start going with her.

Post # 18
Member
1308 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I agreed to stay friends with a guy I met at a bar once because I was with someone already. That new guy and I are now engaged and the first guy is now my ex.

Post # 19
Member
6300 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I think we’re all in agreement that your friend is in the wrong. I think that she needs to speak with her husband and make some requests about what she wants or needs for their situation moving forward. Even if her husband won’t go to counseling, she can still go on her own. That is what it looks like to take personal responsibility for one’s life.

Also, if she is bored, she can honestly tell her husband that. My Mother-In-Law told me and my husband (before we were married) that couples need to have goals that they are working toward together. If she and her husband have reached many of the major milestones that we are told adults are supposed to strive for (job, marriage, home), they need a new mutual goal or dream to strive for.

Otherwise, at thsi rate, she’s going to be sneaking around and sleeping with someone else within the year.

Post # 20
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

pitstop87 :  I have very little compassion for people who do this to their partners.  Your friend is unhappy, so she’s dipping her toes in to see how the waters are on the other side.  If she is so unhappy in her marriage, then they need therapy to work on it and if he doesn’t want to work on it, she needs to make the choice to end it.  

I recently had a couple of friends who were doing this same thing and I told them that they were very wrong.  I didn’t want to end the friendship, but i made it very clear that I wanted nothing to do with their infidelities.  Two of them figured their shit out, one is still questionable and I have taken a step back from our friendship.

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