I didn’t receive a wedding invite from what I thought was a close friend. This thread was helpful in reevaluating everything, so thank you everyone for the responses.
A little history: ‘Joe’ and I have friends for about 10 years. He was one of the first people to come visit me when I went away to college, whenever I came home he was someone I called, and that was after years of good friendship. Over the last few years, life and work have pulled us in different directions (we’re both in our late 20’s), which has distanced us but is expected with where we both are in life. With that we still kept in touch and I always considered him a great friend. When I was out of the country in 2010-2011 for work, he reached out to me feeling as if we were becoming disconnected and we must change that. Flattered, I informed him of my return in 2 months and that we must meet up. I always considered him a great friend, and would never want him to think otherwise.
Upon my return last summer he became engaged about 3 weeks later and without question personally called him to congratulate him. I must have tried 5 or 6 times to arrange a meet-up afterwards, but timing was never on our side and it did seem one-sided. Of course that’s life, Joe had a new engagement, busy job, and life…it’s the way the cookie crumbles, no need to get bent out of shape about it.
Anyways, I didn’t receive an invite to the wedding, which hurt, but I did my best to justify it as just an unfortunate cutback to the list/expenses. What REALLy hurt was when I didn’t receive a invite to the Jack and Jill. For those who don’t know, as seems to be a Canadian thing, it’s a celebration party for guests invited and not invited to the wedding. I was royally insulted, and let my anger eat away at me on and off. Last week I stumbled upon this thread and decided to confront him about it, as I was really beating myself up over it and questioning what I could have done to cause our friendship to deteriorate?
Well I will say that was the right move, as it seemed to be a oversight and mistake on the invite list. Joe was extremely pleasant and thanked me for bringing this up. He personally admitted to the mess up, as the invites were sent online and my name was erroneously forgotten on the list. His response definitely sounded genuine and he did apologize profusely while stating that he hoped our friendship wouldn’t be damaged by it…He also revealed that I was initially on their list of 260, but they had to reduce it to 190 for the venue and I axed for family spots. Needless to say he had hoped we cleared things up and ‘joe’ even extended an invite to meet-up and grab a drink soon….yeah right.
Funny that his apologetic explanation about everything only came out when I confronted him. Only then was the fact I didn’t get an invite to either unfortunate and that ‘he messed up royally with the JnJ’ but rest assured we’re still great friends and always will be! Had I not confronted him, I would have still be down and out, while everything would have stayed par for the course. He would have never expressed his ‘regret’ and I would have just been sitting-out on the sidelines. I’m not stupid. The JnJ aside, he could have been more transparent about the wedding invitation. If the roles were reversed, especially if he had called to congratulate me let alone our past, I would owe him respect and honesty about the whole situation — “Look I’m really sorry bro, but I won’t be able to invite you due to family spots….” I would truthfully feel bad and wouldn’t want to leave anything up to speculation.
Honestly, this has damaged our friendship and I do know where I stand. This wasn’t just some ‘friend’ to me, this was someone that I had the pleasure of enjoying years of countless adventures and experiences with, and who I considered a big part of my life. He was there for up and downs, much like I was for him. Heck, 4 years ago when he broke up with his girlfriend before the fiance, I was the first person he called since he was obviously upset. I’ve been fortunate enough to be invited to many weddings in the past, but even some of those friends weren’t as close as I considered ‘joe’.
For all of those that are saying: “She’ll get over it!”, “She’s out of line!”, “God, Drama-queen!” etc…etc…, please empathize with the receiving person. Sure, it’s your wedding but don’t illustrate these people as malicious when in some cases they’re most likely hurt. I know that for me it wasn’t about free drinks, party, pretty girls, good times, or starting drama, it was about celebrating an important event with a close friend. Realizing that you placed someone in higher regard than they reciprocated to you, can be a tough pill to swallow.
How you handle your actions in this sensitive subject is extremely important.