(Closed) friend is having a head table…

posted 6 years ago in Reception
Post # 92
2066 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

i can’t believe people are saying it’s sooo rude. we are having a head table. every wedding i’ve ever been to has had a head table. i guess it’s regional. i have multiple meals a week without my significant other, what is the big deal of being separated for an hour? i just don’t think it’s rude. i love the girl time of sitting up with the bridesmaids. when i dreamed of my wedding as a little girl i imagined my bridesmaids beside me. i think i’m a pretty considerate friend and i can’t imagine a universe where one of my BEST girls was offended they weren’t sitting with their fiance.

OP, i understand the language barrier and why that would make your SO a bit uncomfortable, for sure. but he will probably be in many situations similar to this in the future so unfortunately he will have to try and overcome it. now is as good a time as any… also… i don’t think someone else’s wedding is an appropriate time for “snuggling”, personally.

Post # 93
956 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

We have a smaller bridal party and dates are going to sit at our head table with us. Most are married or engaged, so it’s not like they are random people. I get that its annoying, but really, it’s what you signed up for. To be with THEM on THEIR wedding day.

Post # 94
151 posts
Blushing bee

On what planet is traditional seating rude!?

All the “abandoned” plus ones can sit together in a table close to the head. They will survive and probably make some new friends for the night. Its just part of being in the wedding party. 

If the couple wants a sweetheart table… fine. But its not rude to have a traditional head table. 

Post # 95
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Couldn’t read all the responses but…

Clearly a regional thing. I’ve been to maybe 15-20 weddings. One did not have a head table. The bridal party was sitting with SOs and friends and family. We all thought it was very bizzare. I couldn’t see anyone! But to each their own. Head tables are just the norm where I’m from and the SOs have to sit somewhere else. That is life…

OP, the fact of the matter is that this is your friends wedding. You just have to accept that and let the couple arrange it the way they will. I’m finding it odd that there is such a strong opinion that being seperated from your SO for a couple of hours in the same room is so horrible (at least thats the vibe I’m getting from some of the comments that I read, not all of them) and I’m a very clinging wife.

My initial thought, honestly, was “it’s a couple of hours… suck it up!”




Post # 96
7646 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@daniellemc:  Having a head table is the one wedding regret I have. I hadn’t been to many weddings before I got married, but every one I had been to they had a head table. The weddings I have been in or Darling Husband has been in now since we’ve gotten married, it has been so nice to be able to sit together.

It is only for one night, and you will be ok, but I would just sit there for a little while and then move honestly. You don’t have to sit there the whole night.

Our wedding party sat up there and ate (and we made sure to place them so the men were together and the women together and we all knew each other and I had a small party), but then left right after to sit with their families (we did make sure their families sat with people they knew).

I know this doesn’t help you out at all, so I’m sorry for the situation. I hate being labeled as an “inconsiderate bride” but apparently that is what I was when I got married in July 2012. If I had the chance to do it all over again, I would have done it way differently knowing what I know now.

Post # 97
11746 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@daniellemc:  I think you guys will be able to manage apart for an hour during dinner. She can’t shackle you there all night. If your fiance is that uncomfortable socializing with strangers and meeting new people for an hour, he doesn’t have to go.  Introduce him to some other SOs ahead of time so he knows others there.

Post # 98
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@daniellemc:  I’ve been your Fiance in this situation and it did suck.  I made some small talk and got wasted – that made it fun.  It was their wedding, so I just bitched to my husband and we got over it – and he got me drinks and gave me his cake (they only served the head table drinks during dinner, not us, and only the head table got the actual wedding cake), so, not so bad after all. 

I feel ya, go ahead and bitch, but in the end it’s just dinner and then you can split.

Post # 99
120 posts
Blushing bee

The last few weddings I’ve been to, there have been head tables. One of them, my Fiance (then-boyfriend) was standing up… so I was the “abandoned” date. I sat at a table with the other SOs, and it was actually pretty lovely. Some of them knew each other, but not all. There were a few married couples that were split up, one with a very young baby… and everybody was fine! I didn’t mind it.

The abandoned dates of the attendants will all be in the same boat; they should be just fine hanging out together. Unless your Fiance has severe social anxiety or something, I don’t see it as a big problem. And you’ll be back together soon enough.

Post # 100
3082 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@daniellemc:  I’ve never been to a wedding that has had a head table. They all had sweetheart tables. I thought that that’s the common thing these days.

Post # 101
3765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

We had a head table with bridal party + their dates and still no one stayed at the head table very long. It’s not the end of the world, OP, it’s very likely just 30 mins to an hour.

Post # 103
3210 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Much like cash bars, just because something may be “regional” doesn’t make it less rude. I agree head tables are very common, but I also think they’re rude and annoying. It has been said time and time again: when you invite guests (and bridal party ARE guests – guests of honor – as opposed to servants) the day stops becoming about you (generic you). The guests comfort should come first and I can’t think of another dinner party situation where it would be appropriate to separate a social unit. Why is inviting people as a whole social unit so emphasized as a form of proper etiquette, but then it is okay to to separate them at the actual event? 

To the people saying your Fiance will surely not die – thanks for stating the obvious? Of course he’s an adult and CAN talk to random strangers over dinner, but for many people that is not enjoyable. People can pay for their own drinks, but it’s still rude as hell to make them do it at your wedding reception. 

Post # 104
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@daniellemc:  We didn’t really have a head table. We had several long tables (no rounds) and our attendants and their dates sat at our table. I’ve seen it done this way before and I’ve been in weddings where only the wedding party sat at the head table.

It’s too bad that you and your Fiance won’t get to eat dinner together, but you need to suck it up. It’s the bride’s choice and she is not being rude, she’s simply having a wedding reception the way she wants to. Don’t let it bug you so much, it’s only one dinner.

Post # 105
2530 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@daniellemc:  I honestly don’t see what the big deal is that she is having a head table.  It’s for one night, for a couple of hours.  There have been many times in my adult life where I have been in a social setting where I didn’t know anyone and it worked out just fine.  If anything, it ended up being a good experience because it encouraged me to meet new people.

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