(Closed) Friend is hurt she isn't invited

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

View original reply
bluecat3435 :  I mean at this point you’ve already not invited her. I think you just have to tell her it’s a small private wedding and you’re sorry if her feelings were hurt and that you’re glad she was able to share the dress shoping with you as a way to be part of your wedding.

Post # 3
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

First of all, it’s rude for anyone, even family, to assume an invite to your wedding. 

second of all, if you are having a small wedding there are going to be a lot of people you leave off the list and you can’t walk around worrying about hurting all their feelings.

just because you included her in the dress shopping doesn’t mean she merits an invite… But if is odd you invited a “not close friend” to dress shop with you. 

Tell the “messenger friend” that you know a lot of people will be upset about not being included but unfortunately your guest list is small due to budget. Hopefully she will call the other girl out in her bs. 

Post # 5
Member
10263 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I don’t necessarily think your friend is in the wrong for sharing her feelings about not being invited. She’s bummed she wasn’t invited to a friends wedding, that is reasonsable. She isn’t entitled to an invite but she’s entitled to her feelings. And she probably isn’t talking to you about it because that would be really rude and seem like she is asking for an invite. It was kind of rude of you to invite her to a wedding related activity and then not invite her to the wedding. I mean if someone invited me to go dress shopping I would assume I was invited to the wedding.

Basically, no I don’t think you need to invite her but I think you are being kind of harsh and should let your negative feelings toward her go.

Post # 6
Member
1681 posts
Bumble bee

While I also don’t like being put on the spot about choosing not to invite someone to my wedding, I think your situation here is a bit different.

1) you invited this friend dress shopping with you. I would think that if you included her in on such an intimate occasion that she is good enough of a friend to be on your guest list for any size wedding. 

2) Friend may have been telling messenger-friend in confidence about her hurt feelings. I wouldn’t get mad at her for sharing her feelings to messenger-friend. If you are all friends, maybe she was sharing her feelings about it and didn’t expect messenger-friend to spill the beans to you. Messenger-friend sounds a bit like a blabber mouth that shouldn’t add fuel to a fire.

3) If she is a friend, call her up and tell her why you had to cut the guest list. If you invited all your other friends but then didn’t invite her, of course she is going to feel hurt. She was at your dress appointment for goodness sakes. 

4) You chose to invite her to your dress appointment. I assume when you bring someone along, you want their opinion. If her’s was “too strong” then maybe you both are not as good of friends as you thought. My good friends can tell me to my face what they think of something I ask them about, and I appreciate their brutal honesty. Maybe you should be honest about your friendship with this person and approach things that way. 

Post # 7
Member
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

View original reply
hikingbride :  I agree with this. OP, wouldn’t you agree that it’s reasonable of your friend to confide in someone about her feelings, and that she has the right to be bummed she wasn’t invited? When you say she did it behind your back are you saying you would have preferred she complained to you directly? Because I would never complain to a bride about not receiving an invite, and I don’t think anyone here would think that would be appropriate of her to do.

I do think it’s your right to invite whomever you want to your small Destination Wedding. However, I also find it interesting that she is apparently such a good friend that she was invited to an intimate activity like dress shopping. Did I understand one of your posts correctly, was your decision not to invite her based on how she was behaving during the dress shopping (having “strong opinions”)? And but for that, would she have been invited to the wedding originally? If so, that seems odd to me.

Post # 8
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

View original reply
bluecat3435 :  OH! Then I think it’s rude she was complaining about it in the first place, and even ruder (is that a word?) that the other friend told you. I mean, I get how you feel though. If you don’t want her there stand your ground. I know we’re going to have the same situation with one of my “friends” if we got married last summer she probably would have been my Maid/Matron of Honor, but she’s gone crazy lately and has become one of those MEMEMEME type people. She also used to be drama free (why we were friends) and now she starts SO much drama and takes it every where she goes. I’m not looking forward to that conversation! Good luck bee. 

Post # 9
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I agree that her feelings are valid. I wouldn’t have invited her dress shopping if she wasn’t invited to the wedding. She has a right to confide in the other friend about it. But at this point, inviting her wouldn’t help because she already knows you don’t want her there. So, no, you don’t have to invite her, but I don’t at all see how you can get mad because her feelings are hurt. You can’t control someone’s feelings and you can’t control if she wants to share that with other friends.

Post # 10
Member
1524 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

If I were invited to go dress shopping with a friend and then everyone else in my circle was invited except me, I’d be hurt too.  

Obviously I don’t know how the conversation went with the mutual friend. But if the mutual friend had said “Oh I’m going to bluecat3436’s wedding. How about you?” I could see your friend’s hurt feelings coming out in response to that right then.  

Post # 11
Member
3319 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Of course she’s hurt! I would invite her. 

Post # 12
Member
1550 posts
Bumble bee

Obviously you can invite who you want and no one should assume they’re invited. But I’d be pretty hurt if I was invited dress shopping but didn’t get an invited to the actual wedding. Unless I knew in advance that the wedding was literally immediate family only or just two witnesses or something. It seems bizarre to be close enough to go dress shopping but not the wedding…

Post # 13
Member
1688 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Why on earth would you invite someone to go dress shopping and then not invite her to the wedding? I would be very hurt, too. 

Post # 14
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t blame her for feeling used in this situation. Kinda sad that you don’t see that. 

Post # 15
Member
13073 posts
Honey Beekeeper

It was rude to invite this friend to go dress shopping, a pre-wedding event,  then not invite her to the wedding. When people have DWs, they don’t get to have it both ways.  

She should not have complained about your small guest list, but at the same time she also never intended for you to find out how she felt. The mutual friend should have kept her mouth shut. 

The topic ‘Friend is hurt she isn't invited’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors