Post # 1
I have a friend we will call a good friend not a best friend and she has shared behind my back to a mutual friend that she is very upset that she is not invited to our destination wedding with a small guest list. So our mutual friend has felt the need to tell me how upset she is that she isn’t going to the wedding. It upsets me that she is doing this behind my back and that our friend feels the need to share it. Before we decided on a location and size of wedding I went wedding dress shopping with some friends and I invited her. So I totally understand this it is not nice to not invite her but she really assumed a role that stepped on the toes of some other friends and had some really strong opinions that was a turn off for me. I really feel like if she’s there it will affect my day and I really don’t want anything to ruin it but I also don’t want anyone to be that upset. Do I invite her or not???
Post # 2
I mean at this point you’ve already not invited her. I think you just have to tell her it’s a small private wedding and you’re sorry if her feelings were hurt and that you’re glad she was able to share the dress shoping with you as a way to be part of your wedding.
Post # 3
First of all, it’s rude for anyone, even family, to assume an invite to your wedding.
second of all, if you are having a small wedding there are going to be a lot of people you leave off the list and you can’t walk around worrying about hurting all their feelings.
just because you included her in the dress shopping doesn’t mean she merits an invite… But if is odd you invited a “not close friend” to dress shop with you.
Tell the “messenger friend” that you know a lot of people will be upset about not being included but unfortunately your guest list is small due to budget. Hopefully she will call the other girl out in her bs.
Post # 4
the invites haven’t gone out yet but I did meet with her and explain we are having a small wedding and she knew she wasn’t invited.
Post # 5
I don’t necessarily think your friend is in the wrong for sharing her feelings about not being invited. She’s bummed she wasn’t invited to a friends wedding, that is reasonsable. She isn’t entitled to an invite but she’s entitled to her feelings. And she probably isn’t talking to you about it because that would be really rude and seem like she is asking for an invite. It was kind of rude of you to invite her to a wedding related activity and then not invite her to the wedding. I mean if someone invited me to go dress shopping I would assume I was invited to the wedding.
Basically, no I don’t think you need to invite her but I think you are being kind of harsh and should let your negative feelings toward her go.
Post # 6
While I also don’t like being put on the spot about choosing not to invite someone to my wedding, I think your situation here is a bit different.
1) you invited this friend dress shopping with you. I would think that if you included her in on such an intimate occasion that she is good enough of a friend to be on your guest list for any size wedding.
2) Friend may have been telling messenger-friend in confidence about her hurt feelings. I wouldn’t get mad at her for sharing her feelings to messenger-friend. If you are all friends, maybe she was sharing her feelings about it and didn’t expect messenger-friend to spill the beans to you. Messenger-friend sounds a bit like a blabber mouth that shouldn’t add fuel to a fire.
3) If she is a friend, call her up and tell her why you had to cut the guest list. If you invited all your other friends but then didn’t invite her, of course she is going to feel hurt. She was at your dress appointment for goodness sakes.
4) You chose to invite her to your dress appointment. I assume when you bring someone along, you want their opinion. If her’s was “too strong” then maybe you both are not as good of friends as you thought. My good friends can tell me to my face what they think of something I ask them about, and I appreciate their brutal honesty. Maybe you should be honest about your friendship with this person and approach things that way.
Post # 7
I agree with this. OP, wouldn’t you agree that it’s reasonable of your friend to confide in someone about her feelings, and that she has the right to be bummed she wasn’t invited? When you say she did it behind your back are you saying you would have preferred she complained to you directly? Because I would never complain to a bride about not receiving an invite, and I don’t think anyone here would think that would be appropriate of her to do.
I do think it’s your right to invite whomever you want to your small Destination Wedding. However, I also find it interesting that she is apparently such a good friend that she was invited to an intimate activity like dress shopping. Did I understand one of your posts correctly, was your decision not to invite her based on how she was behaving during the dress shopping (having “strong opinions”)? And but for that, would she have been invited to the wedding originally? If so, that seems odd to me.
Post # 8
OH! Then I think it’s rude she was complaining about it in the first place, and even ruder (is that a word?) that the other friend told you. I mean, I get how you feel though. If you don’t want her there stand your ground. I know we’re going to have the same situation with one of my “friends” if we got married last summer she probably would have been my Maid/Matron of Honor, but she’s gone crazy lately and has become one of those MEMEMEME type people. She also used to be drama free (why we were friends) and now she starts SO much drama and takes it every where she goes. I’m not looking forward to that conversation! Good luck bee.
Post # 9
I agree that her feelings are valid. I wouldn’t have invited her dress shopping if she wasn’t invited to the wedding. She has a right to confide in the other friend about it. But at this point, inviting her wouldn’t help because she already knows you don’t want her there. So, no, you don’t have to invite her, but I don’t at all see how you can get mad because her feelings are hurt. You can’t control someone’s feelings and you can’t control if she wants to share that with other friends.
Post # 10
If I were invited to go dress shopping with a friend and then everyone else in my circle was invited except me, I’d be hurt too.
Obviously I don’t know how the conversation went with the mutual friend. But if the mutual friend had said “Oh I’m going to bluecat3436’s wedding. How about you?” I could see your friend’s hurt feelings coming out in response to that right then.
Post # 11
Of course she’s hurt! I would invite her.
Post # 12
Obviously you can invite who you want and no one should assume they’re invited. But I’d be pretty hurt if I was invited dress shopping but didn’t get an invited to the actual wedding. Unless I knew in advance that the wedding was literally immediate family only or just two witnesses or something. It seems bizarre to be close enough to go dress shopping but not the wedding…
Post # 13
Why on earth would you invite someone to go dress shopping and then not invite her to the wedding? I would be very hurt, too.
Post # 14
I don’t blame her for feeling used in this situation. Kinda sad that you don’t see that.
Post # 15
It was rude to invite this friend to go dress shopping, a pre-wedding event, then not invite her to the wedding. When people have DWs, they don’t get to have it both ways.
She should not have complained about your small guest list, but at the same time she also never intended for you to find out how she felt. The mutual friend should have kept her mouth shut.