Friend is mad at me

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

emilyk1993 :  I don’t think the actual copying of everything is the issues. It’s that you did it while at her wedding events. Her wedding was about her, not a place for you to plan your wedding.

Post # 17
Member
6225 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

It’s a little Single White Female-ish. And also, it would be one thing if the two of you were both planning and bouncing ideas off of each other but the way you posted it, it sounds like you let her do the work of researching locations and vendors and then wanted to get the benefit of her work and her efforts and you were talking to her vendors at her events. It’s lacking social awareness and consideration in many different arenas.

Trying to get the same bridesmaid dresses would have really put it over the top for me. You sound lazy and disrespectful.

Post # 18
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019 - Southampton, UK

 It was very rude to hit up the minister, mua, etc. during your friend’s wedding events. You should have done all that on your own time. It was also rude/creepy/insensitive to try to use the same venue, and especially the exact same bridesmaids’ dresses. You should apologize.

Post # 19
Member
908 posts
Busy bee

Yea… I wouldn’t be upset if someone used the same hair stylist and makeup artist. A lot of my friends asked me who did my hair and makeup. But you tried to get the same venue? Same Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses? Same minister? You literally copied her entire wedding.

Girl bye.

Post # 20
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: City, State

Yeah honestly having the same hair and makeup stylist wouldn’t have bothered me.. but trying to get the same bridesmaids dresses and venue? That would be crossing the line for me… especially when a lot of your same friends would be at both weddings.  Don’t you want your wedding to be unique? Instead you tried to do a copy cat wedding.. I can totally see why she is mad at you!

If you want to salvage this relationship you need to apologize and let her know that you didn’t mean anything by it. Because right now she is probably really wondering if she wants to be friends with someone that would do that?!? 

Post # 21
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

My best friend & I had weddings 5 months apart and were planning them the same time. We had the same florists, makeup artist, and she even let me borrow a few signs/decorations of hers. I also used one of the same ceremony songs as her. I don’t get why your friend would be mad about you getting the same MUA , that’s weird. I get maybe why she was a little miffed about the venue/bridesmaid dresses, those are bigger elements of a wedding, but I don’t see why it’s a huge deal if you have very separate guest lists. You aren’t actually having the same venue/dresses as her so she should probably get over it…but I do wonder why you wanted the same elements as her? I wanted my wedding to be unique and personal to me. I get where PPs are coming from as far as you booking the vendors while at her wedding/rehearsal but I don’t get why that’s a big deal unless it took away from the job they were doing for her.

She had a reason to be annoyed most definitely, so maybe you should reach out to her and mention that you are sorry. I think she is overreacting a bit by even sicking her bridesmaids on you but maybe it will calm down if you apologize.

Post # 22
Member
2486 posts
Buzzing bee

I read this thinking it was a troll as well. I mean, we’ve all seen the posts from PO’d brides complaining about one of their soon-to-be-married friends pulling a “Single White Female” and copying multiple elements of their weddings.

So I thought a troll had decided to create a post posing as one of those crazy people.

I mean, if this is real, I feel really bad for how out of touch you are, OP. 

It doesn’t matter that you didn’t actually get the venue, or use the same dresses.

What matters is that you somehow thought it was completely OK to TRY to use the same venue AND the same bridesmaids dresses, not to mention the same hair and MUA and same minister.

Do you REALIZE how similar your wedding would have looked to hers if you had actually had it at the same venue, your girls were dressed in the same outfits, AND you had the exact same officiant?? I mean, this is all insane on its own. But you were trying to book things for your own wedding AT HER WEDDING.

If you are really this out of touch with how behaving this way comes across, I feel incredibly bad for you. Do you make a habit of copying your friends in other areas? 

Post # 23
Member
64 posts
Worker bee

OP, is this something you do a lot? Just copy everything your friends are wearing, buying, doing? If so, take a step back. Life is not a paint-by-number project. It isn’t socially acceptable to copy people all the time. 

Learn what you like, develop your own sense of style and taste. Trust yourself! I would be super creeped out if someone did this to me.  

Post # 24
Member
4566 posts
Honey bee

So you got engaged around the same time…but while she was busy planning her wedding, probably months in advance since things book up fast…you did what exactly?  Because if your wedding was only a month after hers and you waited until then to even think about this stuff or book anything…

I agree with the PP that it is probably less about the copying.  So what if you lack creativity and don’t have an original thought to call your own?  Most weddings look alike anyway, although some may get annoyed by it.  

I would venture to say it was your laziness that is more offensive.  You acted like that parasite that attaches itself to a bigger fish and then just feeds off that.  It sounds like you treated her wedding events like your own personal bridal fair instead of having some tact and asking your friend for a referral or discreetly asking for their business cards and then contacting them later.  She probably put a lot of research into things and probably would have been willing to share information if you hadn’t been so lazy and just creeped on her to copy.  At a certain point copying stops being flattery and just becomes creepy and lazy…that point is when you are using her wedding events to broker contracts for your own wedding.  There is an appropriate time and place for that stuff and that wasn’t it.

Post # 25
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Well I get why your friend would be annoyed at you. You basically tried to copy all of the things she had done. Plus it kind of makes you look lazy that you couldn’t find your own venue, dresses, officiant, makeup person. There are literally a million different things you could do for your wedding, so I don’t understand why you would need to do all of the same things as your friend. 

Post # 26
Member
4539 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

 

Post # 27
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Too bad her groom wasn’t available too, eh?

Post # 28
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

If I were her, I would have been very annoyed. I would have thought, Geez, she couldn’t find her own vendors? Plus this is my wedding, why is she asking about hers. Let me have my day!

 

I’m sorry, but that is the honest truth!

 

Then again, if this was someone I was super duper close with, which you obviously are, you were in her wedding for God’s sake, then maybe I would have cut you some slack. Did you ask those questions to the vendors politely and discreetly? Or were you loud and making it all about yourself? If you just asked one vendor, it wouldn’t be that bad. But you tried to copy all of her stuff. Sorry Bee, you clearly didn’t know! I would sit her down and say I’m so sorry!

Post # 30
Member
555 posts
Busy bee

What very, very strange behavoir on your part. (Both if this is real or isn’t)

Did you plan any of your own event before seeing her’s? Is there a a shortage of vendor’s and venue’s in your town?

I have to say if it were me, I would be entirely creeped out by how much you were trying to mimic me and SO pissed you did it at my event! How socially tone deaf can one be?

We would no longer be friends. Call me petty, but there is something weirder in this going on and I wouldn’t stick around to find out what it is. 

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