(Closed) Friend is mad at me

posted 3 years ago in Engagement
Post # 31
733 posts
Busy bee

of course it can be real. When I had my first wedding with my husband I almost booked a cook and a venue that our friends used, but we decided to go another way. After I got married my boss got engaged with plans to marry about 9 months after I did so. She used my photographer. She interviewed my cake maker but went with someone else due to schedule conflict and she almost booked my venue. In the end she didn’t because one of the mothers threw a fit that I wouldn’t be at their church and a bit out of town for most people.

She picked a menu very close to mine, registered at the same places and did a lot of things the way I did because she was overwhelmed by planning and liked the way I did things. Ours and my husband’s brother’s engagement overlapped and my SIL and I ended up with the same wedding ring set. It was totally a accident, though I guess if anyone was to blame It was me, because I did briefly see her ring the morning of the wedding because my husband the best man showed it to me, but all I remembered was the round diamond and that the set had saphires. I had no idea I was picking the same set.

I don’t think you did anything wrong. For myself, I wouldnt pick the same Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses as someone I knew because that’s pretty obvious, but I dont think it would be wrong for someone to do so. The only thing I can think of that maybe could have been stepping on her toes a bit was to ask the officiant at the rehersal dinner. I suppose that was her time, but there’s no rule that the only discussion to happen at wedding parties are ones approved by the couple. At my Brother-In-Law and SIL’s rehersal dinner the priest and I got into a intense discussion over the practices of my younger brother’s High school. Apparently they were breaking a lot of church and school rules, and the priest planned to pay a visit. I guess we got a little loud (not arguing at all) over the topic and the bride came down to sit at the table and directed the conversation to something else,  because we were drawing some attention and people were getting irritated.  woops.

and btw- my boss and I registed for a lot of the same plate patterns and glasses and things. We just knew who to call if we were having a party, have her bring some of her stuff because they’d match. 🙂 Even if people do find you rude, anyone that has ever worked at a photo lab can tell you that people have the same bouquets, dresses, decorations, venues, unity candles and officiants all the time. I think your friends are being way too touchy, and out of line to attack you with the messages you mentioned. If the bride is upset, then it would be her place to try and speak with you privately about it. I think those that contacted you were  rude and unrealistic.  I think they owe you a apology for their behavior.

Post # 32
8236 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I wouldn’t mind someone using the same venue or MUA, but to try to book them DURING HER WEDDING? Idk that seems super rude. Like, they arent there for you, you can send them an email after. 

Post # 33
27 posts
  • Wedding: April 2018

I can understand why she is annoyed. I understand asking for advice and looking for vendors, but you asked these vendors the day of her wedding. I think you should’ve asked for their imformation directly from her. The venue and same bridesmaid dresses, I find that a bit strange especially when having the weddings back to back. 

Post # 34
2879 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Sorry Op but I think what you did was closer to creepy than flattery. Why would you not want to plan your own wedding? She is annoyed because she spent months planning her dream wedding just for you to piggyback off of all of her efforts and basically recreate her wedding because you were too lazy to create your own. The makeup artist and hair stylist is one thing, the venue would be annoying but I can understand if there is a venue shortage in your area. The officiant and the bridesmaids dresses was outrageous of you. You were literally going to use the exact same dresses in the exact same color at the exact same venue. Do you really not hear how crazy that sounds? 

Post # 35
837 posts
Busy bee

Individually not that big of a deal but taken together you kind of jacked her wedding and I can see why she might be upset.

Post # 36
6957 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

I don’t even understand how you even did this. Did you not have anything at all planned until 1 month before your wedding?!?!

Post # 37
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think if you asked LATER instead of at her wedding events, this would be a whole different story. I had several of the same vendors as my friends, one of them being the minister because it was my father and he’s married 7 of my friends plus my brother and I. But they didn’t ask AT my wedding or rehersal. That’s the wrong time and place. 

Post # 38
1520 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

While she doesn’t technically have the exclusive right to the choices she made, it does look like you were just trying to copy her wedding (you tried to, even though you didn’t ultimately get the same venue or dresses), which isn’t cool. I would be upset with you if I were her- you don’t just get to copy all the work she did.

You definitely need to own up to this and apologize.

Post # 39
9573 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

yeah it sounds like a really socially daft move TBH. Same venue whatever.. but seriously the exact same BMs dresses too? And trying to book the minister and HMU team DURING her wedding day? Atleast a little discretion… You pretty much just used your friends day as a thing to serve you… WHILE it was happening too!

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