- 9 years ago
This is my very first post and i need some advice.
I am going to have five bridesmaids in my wedding party. They are all my best friends and i am so excited and happy to have them be part of my day. I have been really torn about the whole maid of honor thing because I don’t want to hurt anyones feelings, and to me it really is just a title and a person that is designated to put up with me and help plan things. I love all of my bridesmaids and to avoid hurt feelings I wasn’t even going to have a Maid/Matron of Honor. However, my Fiance is having a best man, and when I thought about it more I realized that I did want to have a Maid/Matron of Honor, so I asked one of my best friends who, like me, is sisterless. She is the only bridesmaid that doesn’t have a sister, is one of my best friends, LOVES my fiance, and was so thrilled and excited and honored when I asked her.
I was a bit worried that my other bridesmaids feelings would be hurt, but i was not prepared for the backlash I have received. Yesterday i told one of my bridesmaids that i had picked ___ to be the Maid/Matron of Honor, and I explained to her that it was in no way a reflection of our friendship, that i hoped she wasn’t upset because to me it is just a title and if you are a bridesmaid you are one of my best friends and everyone is equally important, but that I felt that it would be nice to have someone to designate as the Maid/Matron of Honor to help with my planning and basically put up wth my craziness. I told her that I wasn’t even going to have one at first becuase I hated the concept of “ranking” my friends since all my friends are amazing and mean the world to me, so I really just thought about who wouldn’t mind the burden of helping out more and who, like me, didn’t have a sister.
Well…. wow. My friend got really upset and said that she thought it was going to be her and just doesn’t understand my decision and thinks that it’s a slap in the face for all that she does for me. She said she feels overlooked and that I should have picked my Maid/Matron of Honor based on who knows me the best and who lives closest to me, which is her, and not base it off something like who doesn’t have a sister.
I was completely unprepared for that reaction and now feel really awful about it and feel like I shouldn’t have even had a Maid/Matron of Honor just to avoid stupid dramatic situations like this. I feel bad about the situation, but at the same time, I am really annoyed and hurt that she is making me feel so terrible and guilty about this decision. i was also really suprirsed that she thought it was going to be her because to be honest I never really considered her, partly due to not wanting to deal with unncessary drama like this.
Bees, please help! How do I handle this? I am now much more nervous to tell the other bridesmaids who the Maid/Matron of Honor is because I don’t want to hurt feelings. My friends and I are almost 30, yet I feel like I am in high school! I had no idea people would get so upset over something like this and don’t know how to react to it.