(Closed) friend isn’t coming to wedding

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Maybe she is having financial issues right now and the idea of paying to come back home for the wedding, plus a wedding gift is too much for her?

Tell her how you feel, maybe she has a reasonable explanation for it?

I’m sorry you feel so hurt 🙁

Post # 4
Member
1501 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If she is such a good friend then talk to her about it and find out the reason she said no. There could be many reasons and it will probably help you feel better knowing why then just thinking up reasons why.

Post # 5
Member
2246 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m sure she wants to be there. We have to remember that others have lives too. My best friend since I was 8 years old can’t attend my wedding because of a family engagement. Its not enough to ruin a friendship over. If she can’t come she can’t come.

How much you respect the other parts of her life will test your friendship as well.

I will be traveling 14 hours by plane and haven’t seen my friend in 4 years. I understand she had prior commitments and couldn’t help it.

Its a give and take. Just forgive her for not being able to make it and enjoy her time when you can.

Post # 6
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think that might be a little harsh, I mean I understand that it doesn’t seem that out of the way for you, but maybe she plans to stay with her family really late or something, or because she doesn’t drive she just doesn’t see how it is possible. 60 miles is relatively far, I can see where she’s coming from.

I think you just need to talk to her, and not jump to conclusions about her motives!

Post # 7
Member
46590 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

We never really know what’s going on with other people. You have already thought of some reasons why she may not be attending.

Be grateful that she was honest with you early on and told that she’s not coming instead of leaving you dangling to the last minute. Have the courtesy and the compassion to understand that this may have been difficult for her to tell you.

Have you spoken to her since you found out? You could try telling her how sorry you are that she won’t be able to attend and that you will miss her -?offering to help with travel arrangements-do you have any other guests coming from where she will be the day before? 

After that just support her in her decision.

Post # 8
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee

Before you get too upset, try to have a conversation with her and like the PPs said, figure out her motive. There may be something else, not to mention that an event 60 miles away could definitely hinder her travel plans, especially since she doesn’t drive.

Post # 9
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@elsie1978:  Not to sound callous, but I think you are being unreasonable.  Life happens and sometimes people we love have something else going on.  It’s not like she doesn’t want to go because she doesn’t like you — you have no evidence of it.  Just because someone can’t go to your wedding doesn’t mean that they are avoiding it.  You might not know the details of the family engagement.  She could be reliant upon other family members.   60 miles and not having a car is major, what’s normally a 1.5 hour trip by car (in the US – it’s totally longer in England) can take half a day by bus or train.  And it’s really a bit much to expect someone to get a lift. 

I know when it’s your wedding you become a little self-centered, you just got to remember that other people have lives that don’t revolve around your own.  I know … I have to fight the princess syndrome myself.

Post # 10
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I know its hard to hear that someone close might not be attending but I would respect her decision and leave it at that. I’m sure it was hard for her to realize that she couldn’t attend and I think it would be improper to question her reasoning. If you are getting the impression she doesn’t want to come, respect that. I do think its ok to express that you will miss her there. It’s hard but even if you send save the dates, not all guests end up being able to attend a wedding. 

Post # 11
Member
6830 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think you are being rather harsh, not everyone’s life revolve’s around your wedding. Your friend might have something else going on or financially can’t afford it. 

I have a good friend who isn’t going to make it to our wedding, and you know why? Because that day so happens to be her daughters birthday.  I completely understand why she isn’t coming.  Even though she would have to fly to MN to come to it. And she would to if it was a different day. 

 

Post # 12
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

People surprised us with all kinds of crazy reasons for not coming to our wedding. It especially hurt when it was a newly married couple whose wedding WE had just traveled to attend and give a gift to. Those couples never gave us any kind of gift either, but I digress..

All you can do is be as gracious as possible. Assume that her reason is good enough and important to her and appreciate what she HAS done for you, you mentioned she’s been a sounding board.

Post # 13
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I have to agree with PP that you are being a little unreasonable here, but I can understand where you are coming from. I think that when it comes to our own weddings, we tend to be a little more sensitive, but have to remember that people have their own lives and own things going on. 60 miles without a car is a long way to travel, and public transportation isn’t necessarily the most convenient at times either–if your friend gets delayed, it could take her hours to get to your wedding. Also, it’s a family function that she is attending, not like she’s casually visiting some friends for the weekend. I understand you are hurt, but try to put yourself in her shoes.

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