(Closed) friend issue- advice appreciated

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

How old are these girls? Honestly, I wouldn’t even waste any more of my time making plans with someone who constantly breaks them. Real friends do not do that.

Have you told her that you’re annoyed?

Post # 5
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Here’s the thing (at least about the back issues) – you can’t take it personally and you have to take her word for it.  But, OF COURSE, it’s hurtful when these issues seem to correlate with her cancelling on you for S.

If I were in your shoes, I’d back off from pursuing M a little and try to develop relationships with other people.  

Post # 7
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

M is an adult and needs to make her own decisions. It must be so frustrating for you to have plans with her and then just be “dumped”.

I would just say, “Ok, if you want to hang out, you call me next time”. It puts the ball in her court and makes her responsible for making plans. She might see that you’re always available for her to hang out with whenever and she might not fully respect your time.

Post # 8
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I personally would stop making plans with someone like this. If she needs to get an ok from her room mate to hand out with you then she doesnt sound that mature to me.

Post # 9
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@PinkPinstripes: Great advice. I second that. I would maybe give her a call and follow up on the NYE plans one last time. If she blows you off again, tell her to give you a call when she wants to hang out. Then make plans with other friends and do your thing!

Post # 11
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2001

i would just be direct with her, just as you were direct with us. bearing in mind she is your bridesmaid as well, i feel it’s only fair you understand exactly what is going on. the way i see it, there is no point dancing around the issue, an issue which seems quite clear from your explanations. life is too short for half-way there friends. on the other hand, there could be a significant issue at hand from her end, hence why it would be probably best to just talk to this about her ( without being angry/confrontational but moreso just a ‘what’s going on’ convo). i really hope all works out for you xxxx

Post # 12
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Is it really evil of me to suggest dumping her as a bridesmaid? I mean, what’s to stop her from flaking on your wedding? It sounds like she doesn’t take your friendship or your feelings seriously at all.

Post # 13
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@dashwoodgirl: If she’s inviting you to do things, then it sounds like she wants to spend time with you.  Did you go over, I hope?  And, did you ever get any clarification on why she had to check with S on the NYE plans?  Had she promised S she’d hang out with her when she made plans with you?   It sounds like M is a people pleaser and doesn’t know how to set boundaries for herself.

Post # 14
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2001

@Over the Moon: i wouldnt rush to that conclusion. i always think it’s worth at the very least a good conversation of what went wrong. in the case you have already done this, i stand mute, but in the case you haven’t, why not? life is so short, in the end we regret what we didn’t say as opposed to what we didn’t.

Post # 16
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2001

@dashwoodgirl:babe, this has nothing to do with you. from your posts, i gather you are a very warm hearted individual. yes, she has a messed up history with another but that doesn’t mean that you have to pay the cost.

think of yourself. you are a good and decent person, this shines through your posts. do not forego that. am thinking of you, keep me posted

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